Angie Fox - ADS 01 - The Accidental Demon Slayer

“I don’t know whether to hitch a transport spell to his ass or get you guys another room.”

The way he’d acted? “Transport.”

She let out a grunting chuckle and dug into the pocket of her chaps.

“I was only kidding,” I told her. “Really.” I cringed as she shoved a purple noodle of a spell into the pocket of my brand-new skirt.

The witches moved in sober silence, a far cry from the laughter I’d witnessed in the basement of the Red Skull. They were worried. So was I.

I hugged my doggy tight. “You listen to Bob, okay? And don’t eat too much salami.”

He burrowed his head under my armpit. “Oh now, Lizzie. You know I can’t stand it when you leave and you used to just leave for the grocery store and now you’re leaving and I don’t know if I’m ever going to see you again.”

I kissed him on the head. “You will,” I said, hoping I was right.

“I’m sorry, Lizzie,” Bob said, “but we’re going to have to chain him.”

I did it myself. My doggy whimpered while I looped Bob’s old ferret chain once, twice around a nearby bench and clipped the leash to Pirate’s collar. Pirate watched me with big, sad eyes as I joined the witches in the semicircle.

Bob eased a Styrofoam cup from the brown paper bag in his lap. Ice ringed the top and steam bellowed from the wide opening.

“Liquid nitrogen,” Ant Eater told me. “We have to get the portal cold enough. Bet this part was a bitch for Evie in 1883.”

We watched as Frieda used a pool cue from the game room to draw a glowing, yellow orb from the pilot house. She carried it toward the center of the pentagram. The five-pointed star cast faint glimmers of blue and silver magic. It offered protection, control. I needed every bit of it tonight.

“Any last words?” Ant Eater slapped me on the back. “Just kidding,” she said. “Don’t fuck up.

“Two minutes to midnight in hell!” she hollered to the group.

“Aw. Shit!” The orb bobbled on Frieda’s stick before she lost her grip on it.

Oh no.

“Somebody catch it!” Bob hollered.

We scrambled for the orb as it zoomed low over the deck and hovered, out of her reach, over the back end of the boat.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Frieda dangled over the back rail in a vain attempt to capture the dancing ball of energy. I grabbed the pool cue from her and thrust it for the portal. It flitted out of my reach.

“What do we do now?” I shoved the cue at Dimitri, who also failed. We had to get that thing into the center of the pentagram.

“Screw it. It stays there,” Ant Eater announced, as if the portal wasn’t hovering over the sharp paddlewheel and the churning river below. “Change of plans, people. Lizzie’s gonna have to jump off the back of the boat,” she announced. “New positions! We’ll throw the stuff at her.”

Ant Eater yanked me close. “You’ll be gone before—you know—splat. Just don’t miss.”

So much for my protection.

“We’re doing this, people,” she called to the group. “Thirty seconds. Grab your possum teeth.”

She positioned me at the center of the semicircle overlooking the dark waters below. “Possum lungs work better, but it takes forever to scoop ’em out.”

“Thanks for the mental image.”

If she was trying to take my mind off the portal to hell hovering in midair off the back of the boat, well, it wasn’t working. You can do this, Lizzie .

The witches joined hands facing the back of the boat. I stood between Ant Eater and Scarlet. Dimitri leaned against a nearby bench. He had no right to be anywhere near us tonight.

The Red Skulls closed their eyes, and I felt the magic build.

Ant Eater bowed her head. “We, the witches of the Red Skull, send forth our sister, away from our warmth and into the cold. Away from the light and into the darkness. Apart from us, but always with us. We send her forth so that she may die and be reborn.”

I clenched my toes inside my new, kick-ass demon slayer boots. Nobody said anything about dying. What was this portal going to do to me?

It pulsed, sending off bolts of electricity as it grew to the size of a person. I could still see the hard, sharp paddlewheel below, ready to chop me to bits.

I glanced back at Dimitri, as he glowered in the corner. He didn’t deserve to go with me. He’d asked for my trust, my loyalty. And he’d certainly made it clear that he wanted me. I could hardly believe he’d been willing to use me. But, heck, he admitted it. It didn’t get plainer than that.

The portal snapped and cracked like a giant bug zapper above the churning river below.

If this doesn’t work, I’m dead. If it does? I’m in hell .

I snuck another peek at Dimitri, curse him. No getting around it—he lied. He broke every rule I had about how a relationship should be. I knew he never meant for it to get out of hand like it did. Despite what I’d said to him back at the motel, I knew he cared about me.

“Lizzie!” Ant Eater jammed her finger into my shoulder, and I snapped out of my daze. “Do you venture forth freely in the tradition of the great demon slayers of Dalea?”

“I do,” I said, fighting to keep my voice steady. I had to trust in my training, follow my instincts. That meant…oh heck. I reached back and offered my hand to Dimitri. He didn’t deserve it. But I couldn’t think of one other person I’d rather go to hell and back with.

Dimitri took my hand, his grasp warm and steady. The circle widened for him, and I could have sworn I saw the corner of Ant Eater’s mouth twitch into a shadow of a grin. “We welcome them into our fold just as we send them forth.”

“Touch shoulders, grab your possum teeth.” Ant Eater said, eyes on her watch. “Okay Bob. Wait for it. Wait for it. Now!”

Bob hurled the liquid nitrogen. It slammed into the portal, sending off a shock wave of blue energy.

“Roadkill!” Ant Eater commanded.

The possum teeth hit the portal, launching flares like fireworks into the river below.

“Both of you. Together!”

I clutched Dimitri’s hand and we leaped off the boat.

A frigid wind buffeted me as I struggled to gain a foothold, toehold, anything. We’d plunged into the middle of a giant maze, carved from solid ice. Bitter cold soaked me to the bone and I cursed my ultra sexy, utterly useless miniskirt as a frigid gust blew straight up.

Ahead, the path veered sharply to the left, and the right, and down into a fissure that threatened to swallow us alive. Behind us, a tangle of passageways wound into oblivion.

I braced my hands against slick walls that rose claustrophobically close on each side. Sulfur tinged the air, making it hard to breathe. My heart thumped as I caught a glimpse of hands, faces behind the ice. I yanked my hands to my chest and when that didn’t stop the shivers, reached out to Dimitri and let his touch flood me with raw warmth.

“So much for hell freezing over,” I told him.

He pulled me close until my chin rested on his bare chest. Poor guy still hadn’t changed from our encounter at Motel 6. I hoped his underwear had dried.

“If you think about it,” he said, “hell is the absence of affection, love, anything good. It should be the coldest place in any dimension.”

He kissed my forehead, my cheeks, my eyes. Each touch warmed me inside and out. We didn’t have time for this. Besides, I was pretty sure I was still mad at him. A bead of heat wound its way through my body. Just one more kiss. After all, I had to keep my temperature up.

He traced his thumb over my lower jaw. “Feel better?”

Damn the man. He was addicting. “You’re not getting in my pants on the way to hell.”

“This is hell, sweetheart.”