kbinnz - Harry's New Home

He knew it was the ultimate impudence to call his professor that. Professor Snape had shown enormous generosity in agreeing to be his guardian and then agreeing to keep him rather than making him go live with his godfather, when it was clear that's what Padfoot expected. Plenty of people would have been happy to get shut of an unexpected ward at the first opportunity, but when Harry said he didn't want to go with Sirius, Snape hadn't once argued. He'd just agreed to keep Harry. And how did Harry repay his generosity? By being so presumptuous as to call him "Da", as though Snape would want some freaky orphan calling him that.

Harry knew perfectly well that his professor cared for him тАУ it was obvious in everything the man did тАУ but that didn't give him the right to address the man in such terms. He had clearly overstepped the bounds of propriety. Even his godfather didn't want Harry calling him by a family title like "Uncle", and who could blame him? Who would want to pretend to be related to him by anything other than a deliberately assumed obligation? It was one thing to nobly accept the burden of caring for an orphan, quite another to have anyone think you were actually related by blood to such a freak.

"I'm sorry I called you that," Harry said swiftly, hoping to forestall a harsh scolding or тАУ worse тАУ a delicately worded explanation of why such a term was neither appropriate nor appreciated. "It won't happen again. I swear."

Snape didn't pretend to misunderstand the boy. Harry was red with embarrassment, and Snape could understand why. He must be thinking тАУ as was Snape тАУ that his real father would be spinning in his grave at the child's slip of the tongue. How the brat could have been so confused to call him "Da", he would never know. Perhaps the meeting with Black and Lupin had caused him to be thinking of James and Lily?

"I do not think your father would beтАж irateтАж with you, Potter," Snape said cautiously, lying through his teeth. The James he knew would likely strangle the boy for confusing him with a greasy Slytherin. "You have had a long and emotionally charged day. It is understandable why you made the error."

Harry felt a little relief, but also a great deal of dejection. It was good that his professor didn't seem furious at his audacity, but a tiny corner of his heart had hoped that Professor Snape might pretend to have been at least a little pleased. Not flattered, exactly, but at least not repulsed by the idea of having Harry for a son. Harry firmly squashed such an insolent thought and reminded himself of how much the professor had done for him.

"I'll be sure an' tell Ron and Hermione not to tell anyone," he vowed. That way the professor could see that he understood and wouldn't try to offend the man's sensibilities further.

Snape raised his eyebrows. Did the brat imagine his friends would tease him over the remark? "I doubt they will mention it."

"Yeah, well, I'll tell 'em just to be sure. I mean, I know you wouldn't want anyone to think you were really my dad." Harry managed a quick smile. " I know it's not like anyone would really want me. For their son, I mean."

"What?" Snape demanded, his voice harsh with astonishment.

"I mean, you've been great," Harry said, frightened at the look on the man's face. Had his professor thought he was being ungrateful? "You've acted just like a тАУ a real father would, an' so I just, y'know, pretended in my head that it was real тАУ just for a minute," he said hurriedly, realizing he was digging himself deeper. "I know you don't want me t'be more than your ward, an' that's plenty, honest. I mean, just bein' your ward is really, really great. I don't blame you for not wantin' someone else's kid to call you 'Da' тАУ I mean, I know that's rude. I know that, I really do. An' I won't call youтАж that nameтАж again. Okay? I know I'm a freak," Harry babbled, now so disconcerted by Snape's expression that he was only half-aware of what he was saying, "and you're just being nice an' all anтАж"

"Harry." Snape finally managed to make his voice work again. It came out rather rough, and he cleared his throat and tried again. "Potter. Come here." There. That was much better.

Unwillingly, Harry came to stand in front of him. It was obvious from his stance that he was expecting to be тАУ at best тАУ shouted at. He kept his eyes firmly on the ground, shoulders hunched in preparation for the diatribe.

"Do you mean to suggest that тАУ " Snape had to clear his throat again. " тАУ that you think of me as a father? As your father?"

" 'M sorry," Harry whispered, wondering if you could die of humiliation.

"That is not an answer," his professor replied coolly.

Harry screwed his eyes shut. Oh, Merlin, could this get any worse? "Yes," he finally admitted, his voice barely audible.

Snape refused to give in to the loud rushing in his ears. Nearly passing out in front of Black had been bad enough. "You тАУ you wish to call meтАж 'Da'?" The word felt peculiar on his tongue.

"I was just pretending," Harry said pleadingly. "I didn't mean to say it out loud. I didn't mean to make you mad."

"Why would you think such a thing would make me angry?" Snape asked blankly.

Harry shrugged, despondent. "Why would you want a freaky, useless kid like me for a son? I mean, everyone knows that you take care of a ward 'cause it's your duty, but you're not, y'know, related."

Snape stared at the child. The boy actually thought that he would contaminate others. That his calling Snape "Da" would in some way taint Snape. Severus choked down a wild laugh. As if he weren't already tainted beyond all redemption by the tattoo on his forearm.

"Potter, you haveтАж misconstruedтАж the situation."

That brought Harry's head up, with a frown of incomprehension. "Huh?"

"I am not upset with you for calling me 'Da', foolish child," Snape said, managing to keep his voice steady. "But affiliating yourself with me in that way would be to your detriment, not mine."

"Huh? But that's stupid," Harry protested, too shocked to recognize rudeness. "I mean, you're brilliant. You're a Potion Master an' Head of Slytherin, and you fought Voldesnort an' no one messes with you an' you saved me an' тАУ " Harry caught himself " тАУ an' others too, an' you're not scared of anyone, not even the Headmaster! Everyone knows how smart an' strong you are, an' even Fred 'n' George don't dare to try a prank in your class! All the other professors tell us to behave or they'll ask you to take their class for a day. An' that reporter lady did what you said, an' Auntie Molly and Uncle Arthur say you're like the best parent ever an' even the Headmaster an' Draco's dad listen to you. An' all the girls are puttin' your picture up on their walls, like they do with Padfoot's," Harry added, wrinkling his nose. "Madame Hooch has even got one up in her office, next to the brooms."

Snape blinked. Hearing this external view of himself was, to put it mildly, mind-blowing. Har-Potter thought he was smart? And strong? And respected? And the girls considered him a pinup? How could any description of himself omit terms like "greasy", "big nosed", "cruel", "Death Eater", "unfair", "snarky", and "evil"?

"But me? I mean, I'm just Harry. No one wants an orphan. My own aunt an' uncle couldn't stand me, even back when I was a baby before I got all freaky. An' now that I can talk to тАУ well, you know тАУ that just makes it worse. And I keep screwing up and getting in the paper an' now Voldesnort's mad at me, even more than he was before, and I keep needing you an' Professor McGonagall to rescue me and тАУ"

Snape stopped Harry's litany of self-denunciation by the simple expedient of pulling him into an embrace. He couldn't suppress a wince as that pointy little forehead again impacted his breastbone, but then Harry was clutching his robes and sobbing. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I know no one wants me! I know you won't ever love me like I love you! I'm sorry for pretending you did!"