Sallinger, Elene - Reflection (The Chrysalis Series)

Connor felt his jaw drop open. It took a few seconds for his brain to reboot and he scowled.

‘You don’t see why it matters?’

She nodded and smiled.

‘Are you insane?’ he hollered.

She flinched and Connor almost smacked himself. He was handling this badly. He drew in a deep breath and counted to ten. It was important that he remember she’d spent two decades convinced she was wrong to enjoy pain during sex or any kind of kink.

‘Bridget, do you understand that I want to do much more to you than what we’ve done?’

She flushed, but didn’t respond. If anything, she drew in upon herself. He pressed on, his voice gruff with need.

‘I want to spank you and watch your skin turn pink and then I want to fuck you hard so that you feel that burn the whole time I do. I want to tie you up and have you at my mercy while I do whatever I want to you. If that’s make you cry right before I make you scream as you come, so be it.’

He could see her breathing hitch and her nipples harden under the cotton of her shirt. His cock stirred in response.

Damn it! That is why this was so important. She wants it too!

‘Fuck, Bridg. Don’t you see? My dick is hard just talking about it. And, baby, whether you’re willing to deal with this or not, you want it too.’

He gave her no time to respond; he reached out and squeezed her nipple hard. She jerked away, flushing red.

‘Your nipples are hard, Bridget. Tell me the truth. Is your pussy wet too?’

She closed her eyes and refused to look at him.

‘Look at me!’ He was damn near yelling at her. Her stubbornness was infuriating him.

Her eyes popped open. They were swimming with tears.

He almost caved. Almost let her off the hook, but this was important to him.

It would be a different story if she honestly didn’t want this. No one had a right to force anyone to go against their beliefs. This wasn’t honest, though.

She wanted it too. She was letting an irrational belief stop her from experiencing this and worse, she was internalising shame over it. That’s why he could not let this go.

‘Answer me.’ He took her hand, but remained firm. ‘Are you wet, baby? Does the thought of pain mixed in with pleasure excite you?’

Tears, shiny and wet, slid down her cheeks as she nodded.

‘Why does that make you cry?’ He believed he understood, but she needed to understand she was wrong.

‘Because I don’t trust myself to know. I doubt myself and I’m scared of making another mistake in judgment. My first one ended up with me getting raped.’ Her words were drowned in tears as sobs took hold of her body.

He gathered her into his body, sitting her on his lap like a small child. She cried helpless, wracking sobs as he held her and whispered words of comfort and love.

He loved her. He knew it in his heart. He also knew that it wouldn’t be enough if they didn’t cross this hurdle together.

Ultimately, it wasn’t about the sex. It was about having no emotional barriers between the two of them. If she kept this wall up when she so clearly wanted it, they likely wouldn’t survive.

He’d debated back and forth over whether he was pushing something out of selfishness, but he didn’t think he was. The kink was just the symptom. This was about trust. This was about sharing something with someone that you gave to no one else. This was about honesty at its deepest level.

She was being dishonest. This was something she wanted. She craved. And she was denying herself out of misplaced guilt and fear. This would only grow and infect the rest of their relationship.

He could let the kink go, never ask her for it again, but it wouldn’t change the foundation of dishonesty.

No. He wasn’t going to let up.

He wasn’t, however, a complete asshole. He wouldn’t force the issue any further tonight.

When her sobs finally died down, Connor went and got a damp washcloth from her bathroom. As he gently wiped her cheeks, he said, ‘I understand your fear, Bridget. But if you don’t trust yourself in this, why don’t you consider trusting me until you do?’

She cupped his face and kissed him. Her kiss was urgent, almost panicked.

He knew a refusal when he got one.

Bridget kissed Connor as if that kiss would save her soul. She’d been more than wet at his words; she’d been two seconds away from falling to her knees and begging him to make it all real.

She didn’t want to deal with this. She didn’t want to take the risk.

She wanted him to drop this subject. She wasn’t ready and she didn’t want to argue. As she kissed her way down his body and took his cock in her mouth, she was determined to make him forget all about it.

‘Calm down, sugar.’ Bridget chuckled as she took the Mustang smoothly into the turn lane. ‘If you fidget any more, you’re going to wear a hole in my leather seat.’

He scowled in her direction. He’d been in poor humour all day. She had a feeling it had a lot to do with what hadn’t happened last night. She’d found the toys in his nightstand this morning. One look at the handcuffs and flogger and she was especially glad she’d managed to take his mind off using them on her.

At least, she’d thought she had, but he’d been edgy and surly all day. It was enough to put her on edge as well. Needless to say, she’d been grateful when she’d gotten the invite from Claire to dinner. Claire had specifically said to bring Connor along. Apparently, it was time to bring him into the fold.

In truth, it warmed her heart that her friends cared enough to do this. She hoped they’d all hit it off. Even though she was confident they would, that niggle of concern was always there until something was said and done.

‘I’m just tired,’ he said as he looked off into the distance.

‘Well, I did wear you out last night.’ She laughed and smiled at him, only to falter a bit at the strained smile he forced in return.

‘You certainly put the moves on.’ He squeezed her hand but his tone was distant. An icy worm turned circles in her belly.

She’d done everything she could think of last night to show him how good sex was between them without the need to venture into the shadowy areas she preferred to keep in the dark.

She understood his point. She truly did. And she’d be a complete liar to say she didn’t want to do exactly what he suggested. But why did they have to? Why was it becoming a point of contention?

No. She wasn’t backing down on this. They were good the way they were and there was no need to complicate things with questions that didn’t need answering. It was a small sacrifice in the long term.

He would just have to understand.

‘Do your friends know what I do?’ He sounded like he was choking on the words.

Instantly, she softened. Here she was being completely self-centred, thinking this had to be about her, and he was worried about being embarrassed or judged for his chosen occupation.

‘You mean that you’re a phenomenal artist, sexy and intelligent, and rock my world in bed?’

She took his hand and damn near crashed the car at the fury in his face.

‘Connor!’ she gasped, seeing him so angry. ‘Yes, I told them what you do. They don’t care. I would never disrespect you that way. I’m not ashamed of anything you do.’

He mussed his hair as he raked a hand through it and blew out a breath.

‘I apologise, Bridg.’ He kissed the back of her hand. ‘It’s not even that I really care about what they’ll think of me, but if anyone were to disrespect you over it, I think I’d get an assault charge.’

Her heart squeezed at his concern for her. That he’d come to her rescue the way he would was one of the reasons she loved him.