Sallinger, Elene - Reflection (The Chrysalis Series)

The expression on Victor’s face changed from curiosity to a focused intensity that made Connor almost take a step back.

‘What is your name?’ His eyes narrowed slightly.

‘Connor. Why?’ He forced himself to stand where he was, but seriously considered taking a cane out of the stand beside him and arming himself.

‘You’re Bridget’s Connor, aren’t you?’

Connor scowled. What the hell was going on here?

‘How the hell do you know that?’

Victor smiled, and held up his hands in a gesture of supplication. ‘Calm down. There’s nothing to worry about. Bridget is a customer and a friend. She was in here with Claire the other day and she recently acquired quite a few pieces from my collection. If she heeded my advice at all, you should have seen some of them, I hope.’

Connor’s mind flashed back to the lingerie that Bridget had been wearing recently and he grinned. Her willingness to take that step had played a role in his coming here today. He’d figured if she was willing to put her toe in the water, maybe he could get her to dip in a bit further.

‘I’ll take that satisfied grin as a yes.’ Victor smiled briefly before turning serious. ‘If you’re planning on using these toys on her, you’ll need to be prepared for resistance. She’s got some pretty deep baggage.’

‘You know about the rape, then?’ Connor blurted, but the shock that passed over Victor’s face said he hadn’t. Connor scowled.

‘Look, I knew she’d had some kind of trauma, I just didn’t know the specifics. Don’t worry. I won’t say anything.’ Victor closed his eyes briefly before saying, ‘Why don’t you come sit and talk with me for a minute? Then we’ll figure out what to do about toys for Bridget, OK. I don’t want to do anything that might make things harder for the both of you.’

Connor felt the knot in his chest uncoil as he followed Victor into an elegantly appointed office and workroom. Dominating the room was a drafting table covered in sketches and one of those stand-up forms that looked like a woman’s torso pinned with different fabrics. Various combinations of lingerie hung on the walls. In the back corner, there was a tidy desk sporting a laptop and phone along with some very comfortable looking leather chairs. It was an orderly oasis in the storm of creativity.

‘You want some coffee or something?’ Victor seated himself behind his desk and gestured toward the coffee pot on a small table behind him.

‘No, thanks.’ Connor settled in a chair and waited as Victor poured a cup.

‘You know, I’ve been trying for years to get her to buy something other than that hideous cotton she wears and it wasn’t until you came along that she was even willing to consider it.’

Connor just raised an eyebrow, but he’d be lying if he didn’t admit to the warm and fuzzy that knowledge gave him.

‘That being said, she damn near broke down just trying that stuff on and it took a hard conversation to get her to even consider actually taking it home.’

‘Her scars run deep.’

Victor snorted. ‘That’s an understatement.’ He took a swig of his coffee, winced at the apparent heat, and set the cup down before meeting Connor’s eyes. ‘What is it you’re really trying to do here, and are you serious when it comes to Bridget? Because frankly, my man, if you’re not, you’d be better off leaving this little avenue alone. She doesn’t need her head fucked with.’

It was Connor’s turn to really scrutinise Victor. He had to give the guy respect, though. The concern in his face was clear and there wasn’t a trace of jealousy. By objective measures, he was sincerely concerned for Bridget’s wellbeing, and that gave him points in Connor’s book.

‘Dude, I don’t know you from a can of paint, so I don’t really owe you an explanation. But I care about Bridget, and from what I can see so do you, so I’ll give –’ Leaning forward, he began to talk with Victor about all of his frustrations and desires for his relationship with Bridget.

He spilled his guts, not bothering to reflect on the fact that he was sharing some of his deepest thoughts with a complete stranger. He needed someone else to talk with about this.

‘The thing that’s killing me here is that I feel like she’s holding back about something beyond her sexual desires. But for the life of me, I can’t figure out what it is. We talk all the time, spend tons of time together, and still I feel like there’s this wall. I guess I think that if I can keep us moving forward in bed, that the rest will fall into place too.’

‘I understand what you’re trying to do, but are you prepared for what might happen if she fights you?’

Connor blanched. He really tried not to think about that.

‘I’ve thought about it. I don’t want to lose her. She’s the best thing to happen to me in for ever, but I feel like we’re not really together either. I mean, if we can’t meet in the middle here, if I can’t know that we’re truly together, then it’s probably better if we end things now.’

Victor sighed. ‘I hear you. I hope this doesn’t go that way. Bridget needs to get out of her head. She’s letting this hold her back and she seems to have a good thing going with you.’

‘I hope so, but I’m definitely feeling my way in the dark here.’

‘Well, let’s get you some help with what you can feel in the dark.’

Connor laughed, ‘Dude, that was awful.’

Victor grinned. ‘I know, but hell, I own the shop. I can crack bad jokes if I want to.’

Connor just shook his head and followed Victor into the playroom. A few strategic selections later, he headed back out onto Main Street full of plans for their upcoming evening together.

‘Have you thought about our conversation about your rape?’

Bridget went rigid at his words and Connor wanted to kick his own ass. So much for planning how to broach this topic. Instead of his carefully planned words, he’d just blurted out something careless.

With a deep sigh, he set his beer down on the coffee table and took Bridget’s hand.

‘Listen, I apologise. I didn’t intend to blurt that out like I did. I actually had some carefully thought out, sensitive words planned.’ He grinned, hoping to lighten the suddenly gloomy mood. ‘But obviously, my mouth got ahead of my brain.’

She smiled, but remained wary.

‘What is it you really want to talk about?’ Bridget leaned back, turning to face him and gripping one of the sofa pillows like a shield.

After his trip to Intimate Moments, Connor had been searching for the right time to broach this topic. While he had promised to give her as much time as she needed, it was becoming pretty clear that she wasn’t going to bring it up.

He’d prepared several of his purchases in the hopes of taking their sex life to the next level. Part of him felt like a greedy bastard to do it, but another part felt like it was critical that Bridget shed her notions of shame around her desires if they were ever truly going to be together. He wasn’t ashamed of his desires. He didn’t want her to be.

Connor raked a hand through his hair. Suddenly, the wisdom of this conversation no longer seemed clear.

‘I was curious if you’d put any more thought into the idea that your rape was not, in fact, punishment for enjoying kinky sex.’

‘I’ve thought about it.’ She picked at the trim of the pillow rather than look at him.

Frustration took root in his belly, but he clamped down on it.

‘And?’

Defiant green eyes met his own, ‘I don’t see why it matters.’ She leaned forward as she spoke, her voice growing urgent, ‘I mean, we have great sex. Don’t we? It’s certainly the best I’ve ever had. Why do we even have to worry about it?’