J. Souders - Revelations

“… Unbelievable … poor thing … never have I…”

The entire time she’s mumbling, her hands are moving—she’s clenching one of her hands. Her other hand travels from in front of her, to beside her.

“Sara,” she says without looking up. “These need to go to the Science Sector. Macie is expecting them.”

Macie? My stomach sinks when she turns to look at us. What makes my chest even heavier is that I know when she looks at me, she isn’t seeing me. Her eyes are still dead and dull.

She tilts her head to the side, looking around. “Where’s that foolish girl now?” she mutters. She focuses on me and for a second I think she actually sees me, but she only says, “Locate Sara Penderson. Tell her she is to report to me right away. These herbs need immediate transportation.” Then she turns back to the ground.

It hits me then, what she’s doing, and it breaks my heart because I’m powerless to help her understand it’s not real.

Asher meets my eyes over her head. “What is she doing?”

“She’s tending her garden,” I say, my voice cracking.

Of all the creatures found in the Outlands, the vulture-hawks are the most dangerous. Created by scientists during the War to help clean up the massive quantities of carcasses left behind by war and natural disaster, their hawk-like traits quickly proved to be useful as an almost perfect weapon.

—EXCERPT FROM HUNTER’S FIELD GUIDE TO THE DANGEROUS ANIMALS OF THE OUTLANDS

Gavin

I don’t know what to do. I feel as lost and terrified as I did when she ran into the ocean. She’s just sitting there, thinking she’s cutting flowers. I’m afraid to touch her. Afraid that’ll be the thing that breaks her completely.

Asher kneels next to me. “What should we do?”

“I don’t know,” I whisper.

For almost ten minutes we sit next to her, both of us unsure what to do. The more we sit here, the more I’m worried she’s never going to come out of it.

But all of a sudden she blinks, her eyes focusing on mine. “Gavin? Where…?” She looks around, confusion written plainly on her face. She peers down at her hands, covered in dirt, then back up at me. Her chin trembles and she lets out a long, low sigh and closes her eyes. “It happened again?”

I touch her shoulder, but she jerks away, so I drop my hands and say, “Yes.”

Her hands curl into the dirt. “I see.” She swallows. “I, uh, I don’t feel so well. I think I shall try to sleep now.” Her voice is hollow as she slowly pushes herself up from the ground, dirt and dead leaves clinging to her skin. I jump up to help her, but she pushes me away. I’m sure I see tears sparkling on her lashes. I watch, helpless, as she walks toward her tent and into it.

She’s always reminded me of the dolls Ann Marie used to play with when we were younger. But now, like this, Evie reminds me more of my grandmother’s china dolls—the ones for show, not play. Fragile. Delicate. Where one wrong move—or a rogue baseball—would shatter them into a million pieces. I want to cradle her in my arms and hold her as close to me as I can. But I know better than to think she’ll let me.

When I turn, Asher is staring at her with wide eyes and he’s almost as pale as she is.

“Is she okay?” There’s a slight tremor to his voice and when he looks at me, I see fear that mirrors mine. I don’t want to see it. It only reminds me how powerless I am.

The answer is obviously no, and I want to shout that at him, but I bite down on the anger. Instead, I shake my head. “I don’t know. I just don’t know,” I say, letting fear turn into anger. “Why don’t you go do something useful and get more wood for the fire?” I probably shouldn’t be angry with him right now. He really has done us a favor by convincing his father to let us go. Except now I owe him a favor. Again. And I’d promised myself I’d never owe him for anything again.

Asher glares at me for a minute and I stare right back. Then he takes off into the trees. It isn’t hard to hear him crashing around. It’s a good thing we’ve already eaten; any game that was nearby is definitely gone now.

After a few minutes, I go in to check on Evie. She’s asleep, so I sit on the ground by her head. When she calls my name out in her sleep, I lean down and whisper, “I’m here, Evie. I’m never going to leave you.” I touch a hand to her freezing cheek. “We’re going to find a solution to this. I promise.”

I’m not sure if she hears me, but she seems soothed. My hand shakes when I pull it away. I don’t know what to do. We’re still days away from the city and I’m afraid she’s not going to make it that long. That she’ll have another episode and there’ll be nothing I can do to stop it.

What started this, this time? I slip back out of the tent to sit next to the fire, thinking. She seemed like she was fine, a little tired, obviously, but she’d been laughing and joking with Asher while she helped him set up camp. She’d been just fine when we’d watched the stars. It could have been anything.

Asher startles me when he tosses an armful of wood in a pile next to the fire. He doesn’t say anything to me, only glances at Evie’s tent, then heads back into the trees for more wood. After one more trip, he hunkers across from me. Silent, he pokes the fire with a stick, every once in a while tossing more wood onto it.

Afraid to fall asleep, I sit and fight to stay awake, but my eyes start to droop as I watch the dance of flames.

“How long has she been like this?” Asher asks, startling me. He, too, is staring into the fire.

I don’t know how much I should say, so I don’t say anything.

He looks up and meets my eyes over the flames. “Come on, Gavin. What do you think I’m going to do to her? What do you think that information is going to do?”

“I don’t know, but I’m not taking any chances. You’ve hurt the ones I love enough.”

Asher throws his hands in the air. “Christ! You still haven’t let that go? That was years ago. We were kids! I didn’t even know what I was doing!”

I look away from him. “It’s not about that.”

“The hell it isn’t. Don’t think I don’t know why you didn’t want me to help you get to the city. Don’t think I don’t know you warned Evie away from me.”

My head jerks back in his direction. “What did you expect, Asher? You betrayed me! My family! To please your daddy you betrayed mine. And for what? To prove that you weren’t one of us. Weren’t an Outlander like me.”

“I didn’t know that was going to happen!” Asher shoves the stick into the fire. A log falls and splits in two with a loud crack , sending a shower of sparks flying into the air.

Suddenly, Evie screams. It sounds like a name, but I can’t make it out. Asher and I run to her tent, and I crawl into it with her. There’s barely enough room for us; my head brushes the ceiling of the tent even sitting. Her eyes are open, but they’re glazed, and it’s obvious she isn’t awake. She claws at the bag, trying to force herself out.

It’s gut-wrenching seeing her like this. I lean down and whisper in her ear like I’ve done so many nights before. “It’s okay. You’re fine, Evie. I’m right here and Mother’s long gone. Just rest now.” I pet her arm, trying to soothe her. After a few more minutes of coaxing, she finally sinks into another fitful sleep. The only comfort I have is she won’t remember anything in the morning.

I look up again and see Asher watching me with horrified eyes. “What happened down there, Gavin? And don’t you dare bullshit me. I don’t care what you think of me. I just want to help.”