Brian Jacques - Redwall #09 - Salamandastron

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"Owoch oo oo! Soap's in me eye, sir. I'm blinded. 'Elp/elp!"

"Waaa! Water's gone up me nose. Please, sir, no m Glubbublub!"

Friar Bellows was as wide as he was high. The tubby mouse

looked up from trimming pie crust and winked.at Samkim

and Arula. "Hoho, what can I do for you two Hddle rips

today?"

Arula tied on an apron. "Hurr, zurr Bellers,'ee were agoin'

t' show us'ns 'ow to make a Curtail cake, doant 'ee amem-

ber?"

The Friar gave them each a honeyed damson from a big

jar. "So I did, so I did. Hmm, you must have clean paws to

make a Great Hall cake. Let me see them."

He inspected the two pair of freshly scrubbed paws. "Very

good, very good! Hmm, righto, climb up on these stools and

check the ingredients with me. Here's the list." "Arrowroot and pollen flour." "Chopped chesknutters an' 'unneyed damsens." "Very good, very good. Sugared violets and raspberries." "Flaked beechnuts, dried plums and rosehip syrup." "Woild buttercup cream, hurr, an' blackb'rry cream, zurr." "Very good, very good. Almond paste, greensap milk and

young crystallized maple leaves. That seems to be the lot!" As they mixed the ingredients, Friar Bellows kept an eye

on them, while at the same time overseeing other kitchen

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helpers. Bellows seldom missed a detail of any kind.

"Brother Hal, watch that dandelion custard, it's coming to the boil. Very good, very good. Rub the arrowroot and the pollen flour together, dribbling greensap milk in slowly like thus. Very good, very good. Dumble! You're supposed to be chopping those candied chestnuts up, not gobbling them. I'll whack your tail off with a frying pan, my laddo! Now, add the flaked beechnuts, saving a few to scatter on the almond paste, and put a few more dried plums in. Arula, line the bottom of the baking dish with a dusting of pollen flour. Right. PJace the honeyed damsons and raspberries so, one damson, one raspberry, in nice neat rows. Very good, very good! How's the leek and cheese flan coming along, Sister Nasturtium ... ? Dumble! What have I told you?"

When the Great Hall cake was mixed and set in its dish the two companions slid it far into the oven with long wooden paddles. Magnificent aromas of bilberry scones, hazelnut muffins and oatrose turnovers assailed their nostrils from the top shelves of the four-tiered oven. They washed cake mixture from their paws as Friar Bellows explained the next step.

"Very good, very good, you two! The cake will be baked and taken out to cool. Once it is firm enough, here is what you do: slice it longways three times, bottom layer spread with rosehip syrup and sugared violets, place next layer lightly on topthis one will be spread with blackberry cream sprinkled with crystallized maple leaves. Next layer lightly on topthat's the secret, lightlyspread with almond paste scattered with flaked beechnuts. Very good, very good. Pay attention now. Top layer, spread thick with wild buttercup cream, dash on some chopped chestnuts, then a light coat of rosehip syrup to give it that lovely faint pinkish color, and presto! There we will have a Great Hall cake. Very good, very good!"

As the kitchens were very hot and crowded, Mrs. Faith Spinney had prepared a light lunch of summer salad and mint-cream wafers near the gatehouse wall. The workers ate gratefully, some lounging in the sun upon the grass, others

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sitting on the wallstairs in the shade.

Samkim and Arula sat on the grass with Dingeye and Thura, chuckling gleefully as the stoats recited the catalog of atrocities perpetrated upon them since their arrival.

"On me oath, muckers, I don't know which was the worst-est, starvin' an' trampin' outside or gettin' dragged in ter this Redhall place. It's a crool life, I teli yer!"

"Yer right there, Dingeye. Call that 'ospitality, gettin' near drownded by a fierce waterdog, nearly et by a monster fish, an' 'avin' flowery soap stuffed up yer nose. Hah! An' that's besides bein' bopped on the bonnet by a mole with a pole."

"Yer right, mucker. If I'm not dead with flooenzer from gettin' a bath by nightfall, me name ain't stoat!"

Thura shuddered violently and plucked at the sleeves of a clean but much darned smock Foremole had made him put on.

Dingeye waggled a paw in his ear to remove surplus soap. "Phoo! That's some kind o' welcome fer two pore stoats, muckeran' they burned our good clothes too. Makes yer wonder wot these woodlands is comin' to. I tell yer, that's the first bath I've took in me life, an' the last one, too, thank yer kindly!"

Samkim and Arula could hardly eat for laughing, and little Dumble was doubled up with an attack of the giggles.

Samkim poured cider for all. "Hahahaha! Whatha-hahahappened then?"

Dingeye quaffed his drink indignantly. "Well may yer ask, mucker. That there longtailed bully of a hotter an' that savage liddle molefeller dragged us along to the kitchens to 'elp."

Thura's mouth was watering. "Aye, the whole place was full of scones, an' cakes an' trifles an' flans an' puddens an' custids an' ..."

Dingeye took another drink to wash the taste of soap away as he complained bitterly. "But did we get to work among the goodies? Not a frog's chance, mucker! That fat ol' Friar-mouse took one look at us an' sniffed. Aye, sniffed,'e did! Then 'e tells that hotter an' his pal the Fivemole to put us to scrubbin' greasy pans clean. Up to our noses in more water

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it was 'orrible, awful, I tell yer. Two noble stoats like us, togged up in smocks like a pair o' dog's dinners, wipin' an' a-scrubbin' at black pots an' crusty ol' bowls. Good job they let us come out 'ere in the fresh air. I was about to throw meself in the sink an' drown all mizzuble like in that there greasy dishwater!"

Arula was drinking from her beaker as he issued this statement. Unable to laugh and drink at the same time, she fell forward, sputtering out a spray of cider. "Burrhurrhurrhurr! You'm pore beasts 'ad a drefful toim of et all, tho' I do say it moiself. Hurrhurrhurr!"

Thrugg strode cheerily up and grabbed the unhappy stoats. "Righto, mates, vittles is finished. Back to the galley now, me lucky layabouts!"

Thura gave a heartfelt moan of despair. "I've gone all limp, mucker. That dishwater's gone ter me brains an' it's affectin' me paws. No more pots 'n' pans, please!"

Dingeye wriggled feebly in Thrugg's grip. "If I dies, mucker, promise you'll put a pot an' a pan on me grave, ter show wot caused it all!"

Samkim interceded with the otter on their behalf. "Let them stay here awhile, Thrugg. They look more worn out than two of last season's apple cores. Oh look, Sister Nasturtium is here!"

The Sister was a plump mouse, very pretty and jolly, and she had always been very popular with the young ones. They pushed about, making room for her.

"Yurr, marm, cum an' set along wi' us'ns."

She sat with them, helping herself to food. Samkim began coaxing her into singing; Nasturtium was famed throughout Redwall for her fine voice.

"Sister, these two poor stoats have never heard you sing. Could you do a little something for them, please?"

She gave a good-natured laugh. "It's not them, it's you who wants me to sing, Samkim."

The young squirrel flushed. "Oh please, Sister, we all want to hear you."

Nasturtium put aside her food and took a sip of cider to

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clear her throat. Other Redwallers gathered closer to listen to her melodious voice.

"In days of old a warrior bold, All pawsore, tired and lame, Came marching through the winters cold, And Martin was his name. Martin, Martin, the Warrior of Redwall, With courage and his trusty sword, he came to

save us all.