Brian Jacques - Redwall #09 - Salamandastron

Thura was chewing a blade of grass. His stomach growled loudly, and he pulled a face and spat out the grass. "Erm erm, I'd say it soun's the same ter me as it do ter you. Somebeast ringin' billyo out of a bell, a load of young uns settin' up a racket. All soun's very nice, though. 'Ere, wot d'you reckon that place is, mucker?"

"It's an abbey."

"A nabby? Wot's a nabby?"

Dingeye shoved Thura sideways, and he rolled down into

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the slime. "An abbey, weedbrain, abbey. That must be the one called Redfall, or summat. I 'card of it one time off of a fox."

Thura stood up, wringing damp and ooze from his dirty shirt. "Huh, you don't know any foxes, slobberchops. An' if yer did they prob'ly wouldn't wanna know you. Redfall Nabby, chah!"

Dingeye leapt on him and clamped a paw over his mouth. "Shurrup, somebeast's a-comin' this ways."

Several moles came trundling along the path in the wake of their leader, a Foremole. The stoats watched from the ditch as the Foremole hailed the walltop.

"Yurr, gudd morn to 'ee, Sankin, an' 'ee, young 'Rula. Be guddbeasts naow an' oppen 'ee gate fer uz."

The young ones skipped down the west wall steps to open the big main gate of Redwall. As the moles filed in, Dingeye nudged Thura.

"Come on, mucker. 'Ere we go. Imagine yer a mole, and we'll latch on to the line an' march in with 'em!"

Scurrying across the path, they joined the file behind the back mole, crouching double and making moleish sounds. "Hoc arr, mucker, ho urrmucker, hur hurr!"

Walking with heads down, they marched slapbang into Thrugg. The brawny otter grabbed both stoats by Their scruffs. "Back oars, mateys. Where d'you think yer off to?"

Dingeye fell on alt fours. Grasping Thrugg's left leg, he began wailing outrageously. "Ho, woe is us, sir. Kindness'11 toiler yer all yer days if n yer shows pity on a pair of gentle-beasts fallen on 'ard times!"

Thura joined his companion, clasping Thrugg's other leg. "Wahaah! Yer a luvverly creature, sir. We 'ad a mother once, just like yerself. Don't turn me an' me mucker away yet Lordship. Show charity ter two starvin' wretches. Whahahaah!"

Thrugg folded his paws across his chest, unable to move one way or the other. He called out to Samkim above the wailing, "Cut along an' fetch Abbess Vale, young'n. Sharpish now!"

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By the time the Abbess arrived the two stoats were facedown on the Abbey lawn, kicking their limbs and blubbering unmercifully. She held up both paws. "Silence, please. Stop all this caterwauling. You're not injured!"

Dingeye appeared inconsolable, strewing grass on his head, pounding the earth with all paws and sobbing brokenly. "Not injured! Aaaaaoooowwww! Kind lady, if only you knew the 'arf of it. If yer calls starvin', ill fortune an' limpin' round the land till yer paws are wore down t' the bone not injured, then so be it. But say nothin' of the days of 'eartache, an' the freezin' cold rainy nights, an' not a pudden rag atwixt me an' my mucker 'ere t' keep us warm an' dry from the thunder an' lightnin'. Not injured, yer say? Wahahahaah!"

Samkim and Arula could not help giggling at the tragicomic display put on by the two stoats. Abbess Vale silenced the young ones with a stern glance. Turning, she addressed the stoats in a no-nonsense manner.

"Tut-tut! If you wish to stay at our Abbey you must cease this disgraceful exhibition immediately. Do you hear me?"

Instantly Dingeye and Thura stopped howling and sat up.

"Do yer mean we c'n stay?"

"An' we can come to yer whoopdedoo an' scoff... I mean 'ave summat to eat?"

The Abbess nodded. "Redwall Abbey is a place of peace and plenty, but while you are here you must observe our rules: to live in harmony with the creatures about you, and help the sick, the aged and the very young. Also you must never raise a paw in anger against any creature. We are a peaceful order, we tend the land and prosper from its bounteous way of life. If you are willing to abide by our laws then you may stay here gladly."

The Abbess's words set them both off afresh.

"Whaahaah! Forgive me fer cryin' luvverly lady, but you reminds me of me oF mothershe looked just like yew!"

"Whaaaaw! Lackaday, I never knew my mother, but I'm sure she woulda looked just like yer too. Bless yer, mum, with yore kind eyes an' gentle voice an'"

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Thrugg and the Foremole hauled the stoats upright.

Tudd Spinney looked doubtfully toward the Abbess. "What d'you think, marm? Pers'nally, I don't much care for the look o' these two."

Foremole seconded Tudd's opinion. "Burr, nor do oi. They'm looken loik a roight ol' pair o' gully washers!"

The Abbess stroked her chin thoughtfully. "Hmmm, I can see what you mean. What do you think, Bremmun?"

Recalling his harsh judgment of Samkim and Arula, the old squirrel shrugged uneasily. "Well, they do look rather pitiful, Mother Abbess, but I think the decision is finally yours."

Dingeye's voice quivered with emotion, and he went limp in the Foremole's strong grasp, shaking his paws in despair.

"The decision is yores. 'E's right, lady. Turn us out, back inter the crool world. We should never 'ave darkened yer doorstep, two misfortune wretches such as us!"

Despite his size, Thrugg was softhearted, and he sniffed aloud. "Stow that kind o' talk, matey. Our Abbess ain't got an 'eart made o' stone!"

Thrugg's words seemed to make up the Abbess's mind, and she nodded decisively. "All right, you can stay. But remember this: whilst you are guests at Redwall you must behave, mind your manners and keep your paws to yourselves. Is that clear?"

Dingeye and Thura broke away from their keepers. Falling on all fours, they began kissing the hem of the Abbess's robe.

Trying not to grimace with distaste, she shook them off. "Here, Samkim and Arula, I've a job for you. These two creatures are your responsibility while they are with us. If you need any help, ask Thrugg or Foremole. Dear me, how I wish Redwall had a badger Mother again. Right, back to work, Redwallers. There is much to be done if we want a good Nameday tomorrow!"

The Abbeydwellers were dispersing as the squirrel and the mole introduced themselves.

"I'm Samkim and this is Arula."

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"Pleased ter make yer acquaintance, young'n's. I'm Din-geye, this is me mucker Thura. Righto, where do we eat an1 sleep?''

The odor of unwashed stoats made Arula wrinkle her nose. "Nay nay, zurrs. 'Ee'll be worken awhoil afore it be toim to eat an' sleepen. Us'ns be agoin' to 'elp in 'ee kitchens, a-cooken an' a-baken."

Thura brightened at the mention of food. "Cookin 'n' bakin', that sounds all right ter me, mucker!"

Samkim blanched. He, too, had caught the unsavory whiff from the ragged pair. He grabbed both by their paws. "Not so fast, friends. First you must take a bath and get clean smocks!"

Dingeye and Thura recoiled in horror.

"Bath? Not me, mucker. It ain't 'ealthy!"

"Dingeye's right, young un, bathin'd be the death of us!"

Samkim gave a broad wink to Thrugg and Foremole. "Perhaps you would like to take our friends for a stroll by the Abbey pond? It's lovely in the summer."

A short time later two clean smocks lay on the grass at the pond's edge. Foremole stood menacing the stoats with a long window pole, Thrugg was in the water with a block of soap and a scrubbing brush. Dingeye and Thura clung to each other in panic as Foremole prodded them pondward with the pole. "Coom on, durtybeasts. Washen woant kill 'ee, hurr hum" "Mercy, yer Honor. That stuffs waterit's all wet!" "Aye, an' there's a fish monster in there. I can see it!" Playfully Thrugg splashed water at them. "Bless yer filthy 'earts, mateys, he don't mind if you don't. Get yer paws wet now. Come on, this is the best lilac an' heather soap. Sink me if you don't come out smellin' like two pretty flowers!" There was a final shriek of terror as Foremole pushed them in with the window pole, and stood menacing them with it. "Naow do 'ee be still whoil Maister Thrugg scrubbs you'm mucky ol' necks." The otter went to it with a will, ducking and scouring.