Brian Jacques - Redwall #20 - Eulalia!

Rangval dismissed the indignant young shrew with a shrug. "Ah well, me ould tater, there wasn't much time for explanations, as I recall. I told ye t'watch out for Owch Mansions, tellin' meself ye weren't some thick'eaded horde rats, but intelligent shrews. I trust none of ye were stung by me liddle mates?"

Maudie wiggled her ears at Rangval. "Not to worry, old lad, our Guosim friends were jolly lucky to have one of the finest brains in the blinkin' land along with 'em, wot! 'Twas I who spotted Owch Mansions and brought us safely through to this fair haven!"

Barbowla murmured confidentially to the squirrel, "Miz Maudie's right, but it was she who wouldn't allow us t'cook, for fear we were attacked."

Rangval shook his head in mock sadness. "Ah, 'tis always the way with maids, beauty an' brains, but totally lackin' in the supper department. Right, if'n ye'd all like to get in yore boats, I'll take ye someplace where we'll get an ould bite o' grub!"

With Rangval in the lead vessel, they pressed on. It was fully dark, and drizzling, when the squirrel halted them. He pointed to a medium-sized hill, not far from the bank. "There's my lovely ould home. Rogue's Retreat, I call it."

It was a natural cave inside the hill, the entrance to which was a bushy screen. Portaging the logboats, they

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made their way inside. Setting steel to flint, Rangval soon had a torch lighted.

Maudie gazed around, it was a huge sandstone cavern. "I say, this is splendid, how'd you find it?"

Rangval touched light to several other torches. "Find it? D'ye mind, missy, I made it!"

Barbowla's wife, Kachooch, gave Rangval a playful shove, which almost sent him sprawling. "Ah, away with ye, great, treewallopin' fibber! I was brought up in a holt, just like this. It's a place where the river ran through, when the land was young."

Luglug agreed with her. "Aye, I've heard o' places like this, it was carved out by the water, over countless seasons. Then for some reason the river changed course, an' prob'ly dwindled to yon stream outside, leavin' this place."

Rangval did not seem at all put out by being caught lying, he grinned cheerfully at Maudie. "I'll allow ye the honour of cookin' supper for me, marm. On the way here these Guosim were after tellin' me wot a marvellous cook you are, so carry on, please!"

Maudie found herself smiling at the garrulous squirrel's impudence. "Right ho, you cheeky wretch, but only if you agree t'go a few rounds boxin' with me afterward. I'm the undefeated Champ of Salamandastron, y'know."

Rangval made a show of rolling up his nonexistent sleeves. "Shure, 'tis not often that I have to knock the block off'n a pretty maid to get supper, but I'll do it!"

Assisted by the Guosim helpers, Maudie put on a tidy spread, considering their limited resources. She made a pastry from cornmeal and chestnuts, filling it with preserved fruit and nuts, and working it into a long roll. To complement it, she made a thick, sweet, white arrowroot sauce. With some cheese and apples for starters, and coltsfoot dandelion cordial to drink, it proved a successful supper. They lolled about a fire as the Guosim servers apportioned it out.

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One of the shrewbabes found, to her delight, that the cave had a pretty little echo. She began to sing a song which her mama had taught her.

"Don't run away from yore mamma's side,

'cos the woodland's big an' wide, hold on tight to her apron string, an' y'won't get hurted by anything.

"I'm a good likkle shrew so that's wot I do,

I'm not a naughty likkle shrew like you!

"When you go inna big logboat, sit very still when it's afloat, if you jump an' dance about, my mamma says that you'll fall out.

"I'm a good likkle shrew so that's wot I do,

I'm not a naughty likkle shrew like you!

"Go near a fire an' you get burned, this is a lesson I have learned, one day I'll be big, you see, an' I'll have a pretty likkle shrew like me.

"I'm a good likkle shrew so that's wot I do,

I'm not a naughty likkle shrew like you!"

Rangval lay back, both paws folded across his stomach. "Ah, charmin', well sung, liddle missy, that was grand, grand!"

Luglug drained his beaker, wiping a paw across his mouth. "Don't get too comfortable there, rogue, you've got to box a few rounds with Miz Maudie yet."

The roguish squirrel sighed. "Shure, I'm too stuffed t'move, an' I've never struck a pretty maid in all me life. Just suppose I slew her wid a single blow, which I'm quite capable of doin', havin' laid several o' me best friends low

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in that manner. Now I ask ye, who'd ever cook a fine ould meal like we've just had, widout the beautiful an' fasci-natin' Maudie t'do the honours?"

Luglug lay back, closing his eyes. "I never thought of it that way, mate, yore excused boxin'."

Maudie added, "But only if you sing us a song."

Rangval leapt to his paws eagerly "Faith, I thought ye'd never ask, I'll give ye a ballad that'd have a stone in tears. Silence now for the golden voice o' the woodlands." Placing a paw on his heart he began warbling dramatically.

"As I was lyin' in me bed the other night, sewin' buttons on an' scoffin' skilly pudden, when a thought flashed in me mind just like a light,

Shure bedad, said I, now isn't that a good 'un!

"So I hauled me pore ould body off the bed, kicked the family frog an' put me greasy hat on, an' roved forth to take a beneficial walk,

'cos lately I'd been pilin' too much fat on!

"Well, I'd not got very far along the way, when I met a toad, all big'n'fat'n'warty,

Oh good evenin' to ye, sir, meself did say,

Shut yore gob, said he, which wasn't very sporty!

"So I gave him such a smack I laid him low,

I could see that his ould life was fast a-fadin',

He said, take me off this road, call me friends an' have me towed ...

an' say you'll never strike a young haremaiden!"

Maudie kept a straight face, commenting, "Dreadfully sad tale, wot? So that's why you had to give up fightin'. Hmmmm. Er, I say, chaps, before we drop off to sleep, what's the jolly old plan for tomorrow? Always supposin' we have a plan, wot!"

Barbowla levered himself up on his rudder. "Well o'

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course we have, beauty, the plan's to get to Redwall, safe'n'sound in one piece. Right, Lug?"

The Guosim Log a Log was already half-asleep, he muttered drowsily, "Sleep first, plan tommorer!"

Everybeast was in agreement, except Rangval the Rogue. He was up on his paws, pacing and gesticulating. "Shure, an' is it a plan yore after? Faith, me lucky bhoyos, look no further than meself, aren't I the grandest ould planner ye ever fell over on a day's march!"

Maudie stifled a yawn politely. "Carry on, old thing, the cave floor is yours, what super wheeze have you come up with, wot?"

Rangval gave up pacing, he sat down sulkily. "Ah, ye can go an' boil yore dozy tails for all I care. Saved ye from Kurdly an' his army, didn't I, brought yez all here unscathed. Hah, an' that's all the thanks I gets for me efforts. Here I am, tryin' to help ye, an' yore all yawnin', snorin' an' layin' round like a pile o' fractured frogs. Well, I'll keep meself to meself, thank ye kindly, an' you can all go an' pickle yore ears an' boil yore bums, so there. From now on me lips are sealed!"

Maudie was immediately sorry about their treatment of Rangval. Shaking Luglug and Barbowla into wakefulness, she tried to remedy the situation. "Good grief, sah, please accept our profuse apologies. Confound us for our atrocious bad manners, we never intended hurtin' your feelings. Moreover we are very grateful for what you've done so blinkin' far. In fact, we're all bloomin' ears, please carry on with your excellent scheme, ain't that right, chaps?"

Luglug and Barbowla agreed hastily.

"Right, matey, go on, I'm dyin' to 'ear yore plan!"