Gerri Hill - One Summer Night

She let her tears come. She couldn't fight them anymore. "Oh, Harry, please don't leave me," she pleaded. "I need you."

She held his hand tightly, then brought her face to rest in his palm. "I love you."

Betsy and Janis came before lunch and stayed with her for an hour.

"We can stay longer," Betsy insisted.

"No, there's nothing for you to do here. I'll call if there's any change," Jo assured them.

A group from the Senior Center came, too, and Jo thanked them. It was nice to know he had friends there. At two, she walked to the cafeteria to get a sandwich, which she had to force down. She couldn't seem to think of anything except Harry, and she felt so helpless. And hopeless.

Later that afternoon, while she sat with him, she felt his hand twitch in hers, and she looked closely at him, praying that his eyes would open and he would smile at her and call her Jo-Jo.

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"Harry?” She gripped his hand tightly, wanting to feel him move again, but then she noticed the monitor over his head. His even heartbeat was no longer showing. Instead, one steady line ran across the screen.

"Oh, no!" she cried. "No, Harry!” She held his hand to her face and cried, her shoulders shaking with sobs.

She was shoved out of the way as the doctors went to him and a nurse ushered her out of his room. "Ms. Marshall, please, let us take care of him," she said gently.

Jo couldn't move. Tears streamed down her face, and she couldn't pull her eyes away. She knew that if she did, she would never see him again.

No," she cried, shaking her head.

"Come, you must.” The nurse insisted, and Jo turned slowly away, sobs coming with great force, shaking her slender shoulders.

"Good-bye, Harry," she whispered and covered her face with her hands. She left without looking back. She didn't want to see what they did to him. She walked blindly out the door and to her car, where she sat and cried.

Without thinking, she drove to his house. She wanted to be close to him and this was where he was. She walked down to the dock and started the boat, unmindful of the cool evening approaching. Speeding along the lake, she let the wind dry her tears as fast as they fell. She eased up on the throttle when she came upon a flock of ducks, then idled slowly as the waves rocked the boat. The coots had returned, she noted, seeing several mixed in with the ducks. Harry used to curse the coots, or mud hens, as he called them. He claimed they would come by the hundreds and rob his birdfeeders. She teased that he never should have started feeding them. She knew he secretly enjoyed watching them, the way they seemed to run across the water when startled.

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They were as familiar during the winter months as the robins that returned each fall.

She leaned against the side of the boat and waved her hands wildly over her head. On cue, the coots took off, their feet striking the water as they ran out of harm’s way. The mallards simply cocked their heads, dismissing her crazy antics.

“That was for Harry!” she yelled at the coots. Then, feeling foolish, she turned the boat around. The sun had set, but she wasn’t worried. She knew the lake like the back of her hand and followed the shoreline home.

She was chilled when she got back. Dusk was upon her and she made her way to the dark house, following the familiar path she and Harry had walked for years.

Taking down his bottle of scotch, she poured herself a liberal amount and sat in his chair in the living room, sipping slowly. She felt numb. She had cried herself dry. Staring out over the lake, she watched the water ripple in the glare of the boathouse light. Occasionally, a boat sped past, and she watched its lights fade in the darkness.

Finally, she made herself get up and go home. Tomorrow, she would have to be strong. Tomorrow, she would have to make arrangements for Harry, and she dreaded it. She had done it all when Beth had died, Harry had been too distraught. Now, there was no one to take care of the details for her, however distraught she may be.

Her answering machine was blinking when she walked into the living room, and she pushed the “play” button as she walked past.

"Jo? Are you there?" Kelly's soft voice sounded urgent to her ears. "I called the hospital. I'm so sorry, honey. Please, call me when you get home."

She felt her heart tighten at Kelly’s words, and she bit her lip.

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The next message was from Betsy. "Kelly just called us.

Where are you? Do you need us to come over? Why don't you come stay with us tonight? Call me, please."

Jo nodded to the machine and listened to the next message. It was from Kelly again. "Jo, where are you? Please call me. I'm worried about you."

Jo walked to the phone and dialed Kelly's number as another message from her played. "Jo, goddamn it, if you're there, pick up the phone. Don't shut me out, please."

Kelly answered on the first ring.

"It's me," Jo said quietly.

"Where have you been?"

"At the lake.”

"I'm coming over," Kelly insisted.

"Yes, please," Jo said, and Kelly hung up without saying good-bye.

Next, she called Betsy. "Yes, I'm okay.”

"Do you want to come over?"

"No. Kelly's coming here."

"Good. You don't need to be alone, Jo. God, I'm so sorry, honey. I know how close you were."

"Yes, I'll miss him," she whispered.

"What can we do?" Betsy asked.

"I don't know yet. Tomorrow I'll think about the funeral.

Tonight, I just want to forget.”

"I understand. I'll come over tomorrow, okay?" Betsy asked.

"Yes, I'd be grateful," Jo sighed.

She was making herself a drink when Kelly drove up.

She walked in without knocking.

"Jo?" she called.

"I'm in the kitchen," Jo called back.

Kelly walked in, took her in her arms and held her close.

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"I was so worried about you," she whispered. "Why didn't you call someone?"

"I just didn't think, I guess.” Jo felt the tears forming again. "I can't believe he's gone," she cried.

"Shhh. I know, honey. I'm so sorry you had to go through that alone. I wish I could have been there for you."

Jo was touched by her words and sobbed on Kelly’s shoulder. It felt so good to be held, so good to feel loved.

She pulled away and raised red, tired eyes to Kelly. "Please, will you stay with me tonight?"

"Of course," Kelly said gently. "I'll take care of you."

Jo remembered Harry hoping that she’d have someone to take care of her, and she wished now that he could know she did have someone.

Jo slept soundly that night in Kelly's arms and didn't wake until nearly seven. Kelly was still with her, though awake and watching her.

"How long have you been awake?" Jo asked, her voice hoarse from crying.

"Just a little while," she said softly.

"You've got to get to school," Jo said.

"Yeah, I know. I hate to leave you, though."

"I'll be okay. I've done this before," she said flatly.

"You shouldn't have to do it alone," Kelly pulled Jo near.

"I'll be okay," she repeated.

Kelly kissed her tenderly. "I've got to get going. I have to go by my place for clothes."

"It's okay. Go," Jo said. "You called Susan?"

"Yes. She's got your classes covered."

"Thank you."

"They're going to want to know when the funeral will be," she said gently.

Jo took a deep breath. "I guess tomorrow or Wednesday.

There's no reason to wait longer. It's not like there are 153

relatives to notify.” She rolled away from Kelly, feeling tears coming again.

"Jo, I wish there was something I could do."

"You have. You've been here for me," she whispered.

"Don't push me away again," Kelly pleaded.

Jo turned back to her, reached up and touched her face.

"I won't. I promise."