Jack Lee - A Guide for the Heroic Nerd

I found out she was having trouble with her live-in boyfriend and wanted to move out. It was exactly the kind of drama I didn’t want any part of, so I made my excuses quickly and left the party without her. The next day when I was training with my friends, they admitted I had skills and then proceeded to kick my ass, which was what usually happened when we sparred. I was better with women. They were annoyingly better in martial arts.

My friends couldn’t believe that I had the cojones to ask a girl if I could take her away from her boyfriend the first time I talked to her. They didn’t realize I’d been flirting with her for an hour and a half before I first said a word to her. From the way she’d reacted to my appreciative gaze, I knew before I asked that she was open to being stolen.

One of the things men lose sight of when they’ve been rejected by women is that in general women are more social than men. As a group they tend to want to be in a relationship more than we do. We’re motivated by our desire for sex. They’re driven by a desire for long term companionship. I don’t want to sound absolutist—of course men want relationships and women want sex but there is a distinct difference between the sexes in the importance they place on these two things.

Imagine how you’d feel if a woman you didn’t know, out of the blue told you she wanted to be in a committed monogamous relationship with you. I’d feel sick to my stomach and want to run. Now, you have a glimmer of a typical woman’s gut reaction after she’s been sexually propositioned by a stranger.

In their own way for their own reasons, women want to date as much as men. Try not to lie to them. Try not to inadvertently insult them by focusing just on their looks. Use a different line than everybody else. Use your eyes and body language to show them you’re confident. Put enough thought into your opening line to make it individual to them, and you don’t have to be a stone-cold confident player to successfully pick up women.

Picking up women doesn’t have to be a zero-sum game. There doesn’t have to be a winner and a loser. It can be a win-win for both you and the woman you’re trying to pick up. I know it sounds a bit saccharine, but both of you are ultimately looking for love. Karma works. What you throw out into the universe comes right back. Make your pick up attempt a positive experience for the woman. It’ll be better for you if you do.

Being delusional is generally harmful. Being positive is usually helpful. The difference between the two can be subtle. Try to use the grey zone between the two to your benefit.

There are a number of published psychological studies that show that if every day you write down the things that you’re grateful for, you’ll become measurably happier, your blood pressure will go down, and you’re less likely to become sick. There are huge benefits to being positive.

There are times when it’s clearly delusional to believe that a girl likes you. If you ask a girl out and she says no twice, the odds are she doesn’t like you no matter what her excuse is. The first no could be a result of extenuating circumstances. The second no should be absolute confirmation. Move on, ask another girl out. In this age of sexual harassment claims and date rape charges, no must ABSOLUTELY mean no. You may not think you’re being scary or too aggressive, but you really can’t be certain of what she’s thinking and you DO NOT want to become an inadvertent rapist.

There will be plenty of times when there isn’t enough information available to know if a woman likes you or not. In this case, there’s absolutely no benefit in automatically assuming a woman doesn’t want you. Try not to fill your head with unproven, unnecessary negative thoughts.

Until she says no, assume she’ll say yes. There’s no downside to looking at the glass as being half full. Unless there’s irrefutable proof to the contrary, let yourself believe you’re attractive.

Every woman who hasn’t said no to you can be viewed as a woman who wants you. You may be wrong, but what’s the harm? Try an experiment when you need your spirits lifted. Walk down a busy street and say to yourself, ‘She wants me’ every time you pass a pretty girl. A smile will soon come to your face and eventually you’ll have to fight to keep from laughing. You may be incorrect but you haven’t harmed anyone. There’s nothing wrong with boosting your mood with a bit of harmless positive thinking.

When you saw this title, you thought I was going to teach you how to get pity. You never want a woman to pity you; you want to pity her.

You’re at a bar and you see an attractive girl out with her friends. Hopefully, you’ve learned by now not to do the nervous stare and look away thing. From now on we will call this the ‘Prey-animal’s flinch’. Don’t take on the mannerisms of a prey animal. She’s the prey, you’re the hunter.

You’ll be using your peripheral vision to scope her out without her knowledge; you’re using the ‘Hunter’s gaze.’ Be the powerful hunter. It’s okay if this kind of role-playing seems funny or ridiculous. The whole point of the exercise is to stop feeling weak. Women are repelled by weakness and attracted to power. If becoming a hunter makes you feel powerful, be the hunter. If becoming the hunter makes you laugh—laugh. When you’re laughing, you are not afraid.

You watch her as she tries on a smile and says a few things to her friends. She then takes a quick glance around the room, takes a sip of her drink, drops the smile and looks bored. Boredom is what you’re looking for; this is your signal to cut her from the herd. If she doesn’t look bored, find another target. You want to be a net positive in a woman’s evening, not a net negative. If she’s already having fun, there’s too much risk that you’ll just be bothering her.

Okay, she looks bored. You watch her look up with a hopeful expression as a guy approaches her. Single women go to bars for the same reason single guys do; they want to meet someone. Unfortunately for her and fortunately for you, most of your competition are incompetent, bungling novice hunters. You watch as the guy uses the “Oh you’re so beautiful” line and gets shot down.

Pay particular attention to the loss of hope tinged with despair that shows up on her face once she realizes the guy is another dud. By now, if you’re doing this exercise correctly, you’re having fun and she’s not. It’s okay to feel sorry for her. In fact you want to feel as much pity for her as you possibly can.

In the pit of your stomach, feel how unfair it is for a beautiful woman to be bored in a bar full of single men. In your mind, examine the huge advantage men have over women. We have game consoles; they don’t. We have instantaneous access to hours of mindless fun; they don’t. Even if the woman had an Xbox, it wouldn’t help. She doesn’t have the capacity to enjoy an Xbox. She’s like a child born without fingers who wants to play the piano. It’s a human tragedy! How horrible would it be if you were incapable of enjoying a game console?

When your heart is overflowing with sadness and pity, convert your Hunter’s gaze into a Predator’s gaze. Stare directly at her and when she meets your eyes, smile at her with every emotion you’re feeling. It’s okay if there’s a little bit of laughter in there too. Keep looking at her until she’s absolutely certain you’re going to get up and walk over to her, and then don’t. Turn your head away from her and ignore her completely. Don’t use your hunter’s gaze. Don’t even look in her direction for at least a half hour.