Michael Guillebeau - MAD Librarian - You Gotta Fight for Your Right to Library

“The alligator has a name?”

“Uncle Ernie.”

SERENITY AND DOOM sat in the parking lot of the Shell convenience store.

“There’s only one way into this swamp,” said Serenity. “And one way out. They’ll be watching that one way.”

Doom fiddled with a black ski mask. “Lead the way,” she said.

“Don’t put that thing on yet, sitting here at a convenience store. We’re going into the swamp down that torn-up road we just passed. It’s actually called Space Age Boulevard, or was. Forty years ago a flim-flam man announced that he was going to build an amusement park named Space City in the swamp there. It was going to be bigger than Disney, and he sucked in half of North Alabama as investors.”

“What happened?”

“What happens to most folks who put their hopes in swamp land? They lost everything.” She paused. “Pray that’s not us.”

“Wonder if Shell has an AK-47 for sale?”

“Probably not. But in Alabama, you never know.” She hesitated. “They might have a couple of flashlights, though. Why don’t you go get us a couple? Maybe some bug spray, too.”

“Couple of superhero capes wouldn’t hurt either.”

“Yeah. I’ll wait here.”

Serenity watched Doom walk away. When Doom opened the store door, Serenity reached up and switched off the dome light and slid out the door. Then she crouch-walked to the road, keeping the car between Doom and herself. When there was a gap in the headlights, she ran across the road and disappeared into the swamp. She patted her purse to feel the gun inside, and put as much distance as she could between herself and Doom.

This was no place for a superhero.

THERE’S A REASON why people don’t go on romantic walks in a swamp, thought Serenity. At the moment, she was pulling herself out of a pool of foul-smelling water that a tree root had propelled her into. As she sat up and brushed the mud away from her face, she heard the buzzing of a swarm of mosquitos happy to have found a fresh meal. Great, just great.

She heard noise behind her, turned, and saw Doom’s light bouncing around. Getting closer, but coming from the road off to her right, while Serenity stayed in the swamp.

She looked ahead and saw something blink. It looked like Doom’s light glinting off something in the swamp.

No. She stepped to the side—avoiding the tree root this time—and the flickering light didn’t change. Orange, not white like a flashlight.

Someone had a fire up ahead.

Serenity stepped deeper into the woods as something slithered away from her.

Snakes, she thought. Snakes and spiders and… She put the thought aside and focused.

Making quiet progress through the edge of a swamp was slow. Much slower than the crashing of Doom and her light. By the time Serenity got close enough to see the fire clearly, Doom’s light was also clear, but through the woods behind her and off to the side.

At first, Serenity only saw the fire, which was in a small clearing on the edge of a watery part of the swamp. Two more steps, and she saw a figure slumped against a cypress root ten feet from the fire.

Joe. Head down. Dark spots on his shirt in the eerie orange-and-black firelight. Dark spots on his face. No movement.

She bit her lip to keep quiet and hold back her tears.

Then she heard Doom yelp somewhere behind her, and she jumped. More yelling from Doom, but Serenity waited. It was easy to follow the sounds and the light now as Doom was dragged into the firelight by a man in camo with a rifle in one hand and Doom in the other.

He threw her down at the fire. “Oh, shut the hell up.”

Doom kept yelling demands at him and Serenity silently agreed with him.

“Mr. Hammer,” Doom yelled when she saw Joe.

“Yep. For now. Gator food once I get done tenderizing him.” He hit Joe in the face with the butt of the rifle and Joe groaned.

Joe groaned! He was alive.

“Reckon he’s tender enough for ol’ Uncle Ernie. In any case, if there’s hikers like you out here, it’s time I let Ernie take care of him, and you, and get the hell out of Dodge.”

He walked to the edge of the water, to a log that extended from the bank out into the water. Then he picked up a stick the size of a baseball bat and began to hit the log in a slow rhythm.

“You ever see a trained gator, honey? He knows we don’t call him unless we’ve got something good for him. Two course meal tonight. He’ll take you both and tuck you under some tree root down in the deep, and let you age along with all your brothers and sisters he’s got out there. Or I guess, from his viewpoint, entrees and side dishes.”

He laughed while Serenity eased her gun out and worked as close as she could get.

Before long two glowing eyes appeared, and the man leaned his rifle on the log and walked to Joe, keeping himself between Doom and the rifle.

“Don’t get cute.” He grabbed Joe by his lapels and grunted as he pulled.

Serenity stepped into the light. “Leave him alone.”

The man jumped, dropped Joe, and faced Serenity.

“Jesus Christ. This swamp has turned into a shopping mall full of females. Must be a sale on tampons.”

“Yeah.” Serenity motioned at Joe. “You’re going to carry him back for us, and pray that he’s all right.”

“Yes, ma’am.” The man turned toward Joe, half of his body in darkness. Then his hand reappeared in the light with a Glock.

Serenity’s mind slipped out of gear and lurched into helplessness. She felt like the Civil War soldier in the Ambrose Bierce story about a man about to be hung, when time suddenly stands still and the man slips away to his former life. Time stood still now, and Serenity felt herself slip back into the comfort of her books, with Joe, and with her son.

The Glock came around, pointed at her. Slowly, slowly. Plenty of time.

In her mind, the books were calmly discussing life and death, and right and wrong. She was sipping wine, secure and happy, listening to the arguments like she was back in a book club with no more consequence to her actions than selecting the next book. All the listening and talking seemed like the most important thing on earth and, at the same time, a waste of life.

A waste of life. She heard that phrase ringing in her ears like an alarm clock.

In what felt like slow motion, Serenity aimed, shot and kept pulling the trigger until the gun made clicking sounds on an empty chamber.

The man fell back into the water. There was a furious splash as the gator grabbed him and shook him, and then they both disappeared under the water. Then there was silence.

DOOM SCREAMED. “Oh, my God. You killed him, Ms. Hammer.”

Serenity had her head on Joe’s chest, listening. “And maybe saved Joe.” She straightened up. “He’s breathing. Thank God.”

She looked at Doom. “And saved your ass, missy. Again.”

Doom opened her mouth in shock. “Saved me? I would have wrestled the gun from him and marched him out, if you hadn’t interfered.”

“Jesus H. Christ,” said Serenity. “What is wrong with you? Here, give me a hand. We’ve got to carry Joe out of here. And no, you can’t just pick him up and fly out with him by yourself.”

Doom bent down and took Joe’s feet. Serenity felt his torso and head for broken bones, then bent down and grabbed his shoulders and grunted as they lifted him up.

“Jesus, he’s heavy,” said Doom. “What has got you so wound up?”

“Wound up? So wound up? Is your head so far up your comic book ass that you can’t see reality? The man I love is unconscious, almost dead, and still may be in trouble. I just killed a man. Killed. A. Man. And that just adds to the long list of crimes and other things I swore I’d never do.”