Allen Zadoff: Food, Girls, and Other Things I Can't Have

“What’s your name?” she says.

“Adam Ziegler.”

“Are you the director?” she says.

“Not the director,” I say. “Just a techie.”

Which in the musical would be a lot more noble.

Anyway, that’s the fantasy.

But when that girl looks up again, I don’t do anything but duck behind a pipe.

That’s the reality.

Derek notices her looking around, because he says, “I have a fabulous idea. Would you like to see how the lights work?”

Derek is smooth like that. He’s one of those guys who takes his shot with every girl, actors and techies. That’s totally unheard of in my school because actors and techies don’t mix here. They don’t even speak unless it’s to hurl insults at one another. Derek is the only one who can cross the line between the two.

“I’ve seen lights before,” Wesley says, unimpressed.

“Not like these, you haven’t,” Derek says.

“I’d like to see them,” Miranda says, and she smiles at Derek.

That’s all the encouragement he needs.

“Your wish is my command,” Derek says.

Derek signals the light board operator, Benno.

“Are you sure?” Benno says, stroking his mutton chops. Benno looks like a character from a Dickens novel, the main difference being that Dickens was obsessed with social injustice and Benno is obsessed with large boobs.

“I’m never less than sure,” Derek says.

He should know you don’t turn on the lights during load-in, especially not with actors in the theater. There’s cable all over the place, the board hasn’t been checked, and who knows what’s been plugged in? But Derek doesn’t care about any of that. He cares about looking good.

“Stand by for lights!” Ignacio shouts.

I take my hands away from the cable I’m plugging in.

“Lights, go,” Ignacio says.

Benno types something into the lighting computer.

There’s a loud click , and the theater fills with light, everything to 100 percent at the same time. Nothing is gelled, nothing is focused. There’s burning white light everywhere.

For a second the theater feels like it’s vibrating, light saturating every inch of the space—

Then there’s a loud snap , and it all goes black.

First published by Egmont USA, 2009

443 Park Avenue South, Suite 806

New York, NY 10016

Copyright © Allen Zadoff, 2009

All rights reserved

www.egmontusa.com

www.allenzadoff.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Zadoff, Allen.

Food, girls, and other things I can’t have / Allen Zadoff.

p. cm.

Summary: Fifteen-year-old Andrew Zansky, the second fattest student at his high school, joins the varsity football team to get the attention of a new girl on whom he has a crush.

eISBN: 978-1-60684-194-5

[1. Overweight persons—Fiction. 2. Popularity—Fiction. 3. Self-perception—Fiction. 4. High schools—Fiction. 5. Schools—Fiction. 6. Football—Fiction.] I. Title.

PZ7.Z21Fo 2009

[Fic]—dc22

2009016242

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher and copyright owner.

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