Stephen Randel - Trail of the Chupacabra

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Trail of the Chupacabra: краткое содержание, описание и аннотация

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Avery Bartholomew Pendleton is back, and he’s just as crazy as ever. Avery is a paranoid loner obsessed with global conspiracy theories who spends most of his time crafting absurd and threatening letters to anyone who offends him. That means pretty much everyone.
Still convinced of the existence of the mythical Mexican chupacabra*, Avery enlists the assistance of the Southwest Texas Revolutionary Armed Confederate Border Operations Militia (STRAC-BOM) and their manic leader, General X-Ray, to help him invade Mexico. Accompanied by Ziggy, a burned-out hippy, and an uncommonly large iguana named Nancy, the group follows the advice of a New Orleans voodoo priestess and heads straight into the Mexican desert.
Unfortunately for the motley gang of explorers, Mexico can be a dangerous place if you cross the wrong people — specifically, the Padre, a vicious drug cartel boss, and El Barquero, a murderous gunrunner who has crossed Avery’s path before.
What unfolds is a laugh-out-loud dark comedy of insane humor, unforgettable characters, and chilling thrills.
*No chupacabras were injured in the writing of this book.

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• • •

The army sergeant viewed his computer monitor. Three glowing figures huddled by the back of the farmhouse, and another one appeared next to the barn.

“General Morales,” the sergeant said. “Whoever they are, I think they are preparing to breach the buildings.”

“Goddammit!” General Morales swore. “They’re going to blow our operation. That’s it. We’re out of time. Send them in. Send the go signal.”

“Sir, the air assets will get there well before the ground troops have time to arrive.”

“I don’t care. Send the go signal.”

“What about Colonel Beltrán?”

“He’s on his own.”

• • •

“Can you see him?” General X-Ray asked.

“No,” replied Fire Team Leader Charlie. “It’s too dark in that corner by the barn, but he should be there by now.”

“Well, send the signal and cross your fingers.”

“What’s the signal?” Fire Team Leader Charlie asked.

“The signal. The signal to blow the doors!”

“I don’t think we have one.”

“What? Does anyone here know the signal?” the General asked. Nobody responded.

• • •

Closing on the compound at a high rate of speed, two Mexican Army helicopters skimmed low across the desert floor. One was a large transport helicopter carrying a team of Mexican Army special forces commandos; the other was a smaller gunship.

“Helo one-niner, this is little bird. Over.”

“Roger, little bird. Over.”

“Bring it in fast and shallow. Put her down in the courtyard between the two main structures. I’ll fly high cover with the sniper team. Over.”

“Roger, little bird. Going in now.”

• • •

“Are you sure we don’t have a signal?” General X-Ray asked. “I’m pretty sure we had one before. Maybe a whistle or something?”

“Naw,” said Private Tango. “The whistle meant retreat, or maybe chow time. I can’t rightly remember.”

“Was it a hoot owl?” asked Fire Team Leader Alpha.

“No, we gave up on that one. Remember, nobody could get it right,” replied Fire Team Leader Charlie. “It always sounded like the owl was dying.”

“Do we have any more signal flares?”

“Nope,” said Fire Team Leader Bravo. “We used them up at your birthday party.”

“Yes, I remember,” said the General. “Damn near burned down the HQ that night.”

“Yeah, but it was a hell of a party, sir,” Private Tango added. “When Zulu popped out of that cake and started firing off flares, it looked like the Fourth of July.”

“Only problem was that we were inside at the time,” Fire Team Leader Charlie said. “I’ll never forget when the town’s volunteer fire department showed up, all wearing tuxedos.”

“Yep, they sure was pissed off about being called away from their fire chief’s wedding,” Private Tango said.

“Dang it, men, stop reminiscing. We’ve got to come up with a signal, or we’ll be here all night. The thing about Foxtrot is that he never does anything without being told first. Decent trooper, but the boy has all the initiative of a wet turd.” All of a sudden, a huge roar passed overhead. General X-Ray and his men lay prone on the ground as the dry grass around them blew violently back and forth. A high-powered spotlight from above cut through the darkness like a laser, illuminating the courtyard. The guard by the barn dropped his cigarette and began firing wildly at the large helicopter, which bounced and skidded to a halt in the middle of the compound. The guard took cover inside the barn doors and continued to fire blindly from around the corner. Two more guards from inside the barn joined him. Army troops poured out from both sides of the chopper and began to set up a perimeter.

“Signal! Signal!” General X-Ray shouted as he jumped to his feet and began waving his arms over his head in Private Foxtrot’s general direction. “On your feet, men! Signal! Signal!” His men leapt up and began waving their arms with him.

• • •

Private Foxtrot ducked his head as gunfire exploded around him. Armed men began to stream out the farmhouse and fire at the helicopter in the courtyard.

“Holy crap,” he said. Striking a match and lighting the fuse to the stick of dynamite, the private went to throw it around the corner. In his haste, he didn’t reach far enough around the corner. It hit the side of barn and bounced back at his feet. The private dove on the sizzling stick of explosives. The hissing fuse burned his hand as he tried to pick it up. When he dropped the dynamite, it landed right in front of his face. From his belly, Private Foxtrot tried to blow out the fuse. It didn’t work. The fuse had already burned halfway down. Scrambling to his feet, he made a break across the open compound and sprinted toward the General and the rest of the men. Halfway across the courtyard, he spotted General X-Ray jumping up and down and waving his hands back and forth.

Oh, Jesus , he thought to himself, he wants me to go back . Private Foxtrot turned around and raced back for the still-fizzing stick of dynamite, dodging bullets the whole way. When he reached the explosive, the fuse was almost burnt to the end.

“The hell with this!” Private Foxtrot screamed as he turned around again and ran. “I never wanted to be in a militia anyway!” Two strides later, an enormous explosion rocked the compound. The force of the blast lifted Private Foxtrot off his feet and threw him in the air. Landing face first in the dirt, he skidded several feet before coming to rest with the trail of his landing stretching out behind him in the dirt.

“Man down!” General X-Ray cried. “Fire Team Bravo, go get him! Everyone else, concentrate your fire on the barn.”

• • •

In the dark room beneath the farmhouse, El Barquero woke to the sound of the dynamite explosion. Feeling the knife still in his hands, he began to cut himself free. He remembered Cesar giving it to him, but then things went black. It didn’t take long for him to cut himself free. As he rose to reach the door, a meek voice called out.

“Like, help, man.”

Barquero turned on the light. Across the room, he saw the two men looking at him plaintively. Barquero turned toward the door and then stopped. He turned back around and cut the two men loose. Ziggy kept his eyes shut the entire time. The sight of a naked, blood-covered man twice his size holding a knife was too much for his fragile nature.

“Get out of here. You’re on your own.” Barquero spun around and went to the door. It was locked. Taking a few steps back, he lowered his powerful shoulder and drove it as hard as he could into the middle of the door. It shattered. Reaching through the hole, he released the lock on the far side. Pushing what remained of it open, he ran down the hall toward a set of stairs.

“I’m with him,” said Private Zulu as he sprinted out of the room. Ziggy didn’t move. He was too scared. The sound of automatic weapon fire snapped him back.

“Like, wait for me,” Ziggy said as he crept out of the room.

• • •

At the sound of the explosion, the Padre’s dinner guests immediately hid under the heavy table, all except the Padre, Carnicero, and Cesar.

“Carnicero!” the Padre roared. “Get the men!” Carnicero ran from the room, shouting instructions. “The rest of you, follow me. There is a safe room.” The Padre led the dinner party out of the long dining room and down a hall to the left. Cesar lagged behind. When he exited the room, he went to the right.

• • •

El Barquero flew up the stairs two at a time. Turning a corner, he ran face first into one of the Padre’s soldiers. Grabbing him by the shoulders, he viciously head-butted the man. The man went limp in his arms. Barquero stripped the man of his pants and put them on. They barely fit, but unfortunately the man’s boots didn’t. Barquero froze; the sound of footsteps from above echoed down the staircase. He positioned himself. Just as the man came around the corner, he grabbed him by the throat.

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