Eka Kurniawan - Beauty is a Wound

That is what really happened.

“But what if I’m pregnant?” asked Rengganis the Beautiful after their brief lovemaking.

Krisan was a little surprised that the girl even knew having sex could get you pregnant. All of a sudden it frightened him too, and a crazy idea appeared in his brain.

“You can just say that you were raped by a dog.”

“I wasn’t raped by a dog.”

“Well, aren’t I a dog?” asked Krisan. “You have often seen me bark and stick out my tongue, haven’t you?”

“I have.”

“So say that you were raped by a dog. A brown dog with a black snout.”

“A brown dog with a black snout.”

“And don’t mention my name in this business, not even once.”

“But you are going to marry me, right?”

“Yeah. If it turns out you really are pregnant, we can start making plans.”

Krisan quickly got dressed, climbed up out of the same hole in the roof that he had entered through, and had the idea to take Rengganis the Beautiful’s clothes and dispose of them somewhere they would never be found. Meanwhile Rengganis the Beautiful, stark naked, not even wearing her shoes or socks, came out of the toilet and returned to her classroom. Krisan never saw the uproar caused by her appearance, because he wasn’t in the same class.

Then, when it turned out she was actually pregnant, they made their plans for escape. They would hide out in the guerrilla hut and have a real wedding celebration there. But it didn’t turn out like that. Instead, for nine months Krisan was paralyzed with the fear that people, especially Maman Gendeng and Maya Dewi and also his own mother, would find out that he was the one who had had sex with the Beautiful. Krisan had planned to kill the girl in the guerrilla hut, to bury the truth, but it turned out he killed her in a boat, and threw her corpse into the ocean.

MAMAN GENDENG ROSE again on the third day after he vanished into heaven in moksa . He came to say goodbye, of course. To Maya Dewi, who else.

This was despite the fact that, just three days before, Maya Dewi had buried his corpse, which was almost completely unrecognizable after having been torn to shreds by ajak , gnawed on by maggots, and so swarmed with flies that as his body was being carried home, those insects still followed behind like the tail of a shooting star. “That was not me,” said Maman Gendeng reassuringly. Maya Dewi had been in mourning for those three days, profound mourning, because she had lost Maman Gendeng after they had both lost their daughter, Rengganis the Beautiful. But even though she was wearing all black, for those three days she had also been lying to herself, telling herself that her loved ones were still alive.

She tried to remind herself that a similar fate had befallen her two older sisters. Alamanda had lost Ai, and Shodancho had disappeared to go look for his daughter’s corpse, which had been stolen from its grave. Adinda had lost Comrade Kliwon, who had killed himself, though she still had Krisan.

But still Maya Dewi could not be comforted. Every morning she still prepared breakfast, plates of rice and vegetables and side dishes, for herself and Maman Gendeng and Rengganis the Beautiful, just as she used to do. Of course it was only she herself who ate, and so at the end of this ritual she threw out the two portions of food that remained completely untouched. She did this at dinner too, for three days.

When Maman Gendeng was still alive, before he left, they had played out this lie together, tricking themselves into thinking that Rengganis the Beautiful was still with them. They would meet at the dining table, with a portion prepared for their daughter as usual, and throw it out when their meal was done. Now Maya Dewi had to do this all alone.

All alone.

But on the third day after Maman Gendeng’s death, she was not alone. She had someone to eat with. Just like the two nights and three mornings before, she sat down at the table in those dark clothes with two other portions of food, for her husband and her daughter. She hadn’t yet swallowed her first bite of rice when the door to their bedroom opened and the man appeared, and sat right down in his chair like usual. Maya Dewi continued to eat her rice with her right hand and the man began to stir his sauce. They both ate as hungrily as usual, without talking to one another. Only one portion of rice remained untouched, because only one chair was empty, but Maya Dewi was still imagining that Rengganis the Beautiful was in her spot, just as she thought she was imagining Maman Gendeng sitting in his chair and eating. She only realized that the man was truly present when dinner was finally over. She found her husband’s plate empty and the Beautiful’s plate still filled with the rice. She looked at Maman Gendeng in disbelief. They gazed at one another for a long time before that woman asked in an almost inaudible whisper, “Is it you?”

“I came to say goodbye.”

Maya Dewi approached her husband, touching him with extreme care as if he was made of wax and might easily melt away. Her fingers crept to touch the man’s forehead, then moved down to his nose, lips, and chin, and after this tentative caress she stared at him with the curiosity of a child. When she felt the heat emanating from his body, felt that he was alive, she moved closer and held him. Maman Gendeng embraced her in return, letting that woman cry on his shoulder, stroked her hair, and lovingly sniffed the crown of her head.

“You came to say goodbye?” the woman asked suddenly, looking up into Maman Gendeng’s face.

“I came to say goodbye.”

“You are leaving again?”

“Because I’m already dead. I already rose up into the heavens.”

“What about her ?”

“I am going to watch over her. There.”

After stroking one of his wife’s cheeks and kissing the other, Maman Gendeng walked into the room that he had come from, closing the door behind him. Maya Dewi looked at the door in confusion, then looked at Maman Gendeng’s empty plate, then looked at the plate that was still filled with the rice that should have been eaten by Rengganis the Beautiful, then again looked at the closed bedroom door. In a panic, she ran to the door, opening it but finding no one there.

She kept looking for him. She made sure that the bedroom window was locked, as it had been since afternoon. She peered under the bed but all she saw was the remainder of an incense coil and the house slippers she usually wore before prayers. There was no other place the man could be. It would be impossible for him to hide inside the closet with its big mirror, which was divided into sections and filled with their clothes, but Maya Dewi opened that door too and then closed it again right away. She checked the surface of the bed and her dressing table, hoping to find some sort of a clue, but her search was very much in vain. She left the room and once again stood looking at the dining table.

Then she returned to her work. She neatened up the table and put the leftover rice and vegetables and side dishes into the pantry. Later the two mountain girls who helped her make cookies would eat it for their meal. She took the dirty plates to the washtub, and threw the rice that Rengganis the Beautiful hadn’t eaten into the garbage. She only washed her hands, not feeling like washing the dishes as she usually did, and returned to her bedroom, looking out into the empty space, then asked a question as if Maman Gendeng was still there.