Christos Tsiolkas - Barracuda

THE WATER GOES ON FOREVER, I HAVE my feet in the sand and I am sinking, the waves are coming in and going out and I am sinking and I laugh because I think that I am going to fall over and Dad says oops you go and he holds me and lifts me up and the sun is close and I put up my hands and I think I can reach it and then Dad swings me again and again and I am flying in the wind and I am scared that he is going to toss me in the water. No no Dad, I scream, don’t chuck me in the water. He holds me tight and his skin is itchy rough where the sand covers his shoulders and he is patting my back saying, No no I’m not going to do anything to you little fellow. I’m looking back at the beach, Mum is lying on the big big red towel, Regan is next to her picking up sand in her hand, she is picking up sand and it is falling through her fingers picking up sand and it is falling through her fingers. Mum is sitting up and looking at me she is waving at me and I stop crying and I wave back. She has a big big belly a big round belly where my brother or my sister I want it to be my brother is growing, she lets me touch her big big belly says Can you feel your sister or your brother growing every day he is growing. I wave back, my chin is on my dad’s shoulder he is standing up and I am taller than anyone at the beach my dad is the tallest man on the beach he is the giant on the beach and when he holds me up I can touch the sun the sun is close to me when he holds me up and I look up at the big big sky and look out to the big big sea and the sun and the sky and the sea they are going to forever. Put me down, Dad, put me down and he laughs, I slide down, my feet in the sand I can sink back in the sand the water that comes in and goes out that water he says is the tide and when the tide goes out it is going to sleep and when the tide comes in it is hungry for little boys and it will EAT YOU ALL UP! Come in, Danny, come into the water with me and I say No, no, I don’t want the water to eat me up and he laughs and says It won’t eat you up, the tide is out now. But what if it is waking up and the water is hungry I can feel it around my feet it is grabbing at my feet it could take me in and I will be in its mouth like the boy in the whale and I say No, Dad, no I don’t want to and he is holding my hand and says Come on, I won’t let go Danny and he is holding me and the baby waves are coming around my feet and then the mummy waves are coming around my middle and it’s so cold so cold that I say No no Dad I don’t want to and he says It’s OK Danny I won’t let go, and I am pulling and fighting him because when the daddy waves come they will pull me into their mouth and they will eat me and I scream No no no and Dad lifts me up again and his skin is cold and wet but he holds me closer and I am higher than the daddy waves and they can’t get me and he is walking into the water and we are walking into the tide but I am being held by my dad and he is bigger than the tide he is stronger than the tide and the tide must know this because when the tide reaches my father’s middle it stops and is still and the water is calm and Dad says I’ll have my arms beneath you, I won’t let you go, Danny, I promise, and I lie on the bed of the water like I learned how to lie on the bed of the pool and the sun is nip nip nipping at my eyes but Dad is in front of it and Dad is so big that he can make the sun disappear and Dad is smiling and his skin is wet so it shines like metal and the pictures on his arms and the picture over his heart they are lines as blue as the sky and I close my eyes and the water carries me and Dad’s hands are my pillow and they are my mattress and he says I’m going to just let go, for a second, just for a second, Danny, but I’ll catch you, I promise I’ll catch you and I take a deep breath and his arms are gone but I am still lying on the water and he is laughing and smiling down at me bigger than the sun and he says See, Danny, you don’t have to be afraid of the water, do you, do you want to try and swim, and those words make me scared again and I fall into the tide and the tide gobbles me up and the tide is in my eyes and my nose and my mouth and I am fighting the tide as it gobbles me up and Dad has lifted me, Dad has lifted me to the sun. He drops me again and my feet thrash and my hands hit and hit and I know that I have to hit the tide if I can just keep hitting the tide it won’t get me so I thrash and I bash and I punch and I am moving on the bed of water, and I am flying, it is flying, this is what it is, it is leaping and gliding and rushing and the tide can’t get me and Dad is calling out Not so fast, mate, not so fast, but I’m not scared anymore and the tide can’t get me, I am in between the tide and the sun, if I keep thrashing I could reach the sun and I want to be as high as the sun I want to be as high as my dad and he is behind me he is next to me he is flying past me and he calls back Can’t reach me, can you, mate, and I try so hard oh I try so hard to beat the tide to win against the tide and I’m hitting and thrashing and my legs are tired and my arms are sore and my eyes are stinging from the water but I won’t stop and I have reached him and Dad grabs me, he holds me tight, my face is against the picture on his chest and my cheek is lying on the hairs and the skin of his chest and I am breathing so hard that my heart is my breathing and Dad holds me and says This all belongs to you, son, all this belongs to you, he is holding me with one arm and the other arm is stretching out over the sea and stretching up to the sky and it touches the sun because when I look up I can see the flame burst through his finger where it has touched the sun and he says All this, Danny, all this belongs to you. I breathe in and out till my breath and my heart separate and Dad holds me and carries me back to the beach where Mum is sitting up and her giant belly is so big it looks like it will pop just like a balloon when it gets too big, and Regan squeals because Dad is still holding me and I am dripping from the sea and the drops fall on her and she squeals again and she looks up, she looks up but she can’t see me because Dad is holding me and he is the tallest man on the planet and he is so tall that I am above the sun. He is a giant and I am his son and we are both, together, stronger than the tide and we are both, together, bigger than the sun and higher than the sky. He is holding me tight, so tight that I am sinking into him and we are standing still but standing still we are flying. He is standing between the sun and the sea against the sky and though we are standing we are flying. Together, we are flying.

The writing of this novel began when I was fortunate to have been a recipient of a residency at Cove Park, Scotland. I would like to thank Cove Park, all the staff, and all my fellow residents for their support and encouragement.

Many thanks to Lisa Forrest, Dean Ayton, Sophia Pappas, Rick Halsam, Andrew Nette, Marilen Tabacco, Bill Sultan and Tim Sultan for sharing their stories and experiences.

I am fortunate as well to have the support and encouragement of everyone at Curtis Brown Australia, at Rogers, Coleridge and White, at Smartartists, and at Allen & Unwin.

As ever, I am so very grateful for the support of my family, of Jane Palfreyman, and of Wayne van der Stelt. Muchas muchas gracias. And much much love.

This book is dedicated to Angela Savage, a fellow-traveller in this literary life. Thank you, Ange, for giving me that most gentle but most purposeful of shoves in the right direction.

Extract from Walt Whitman’s ‘The Sleepers’ taken from The Complete Poems , edited by Francis Murphy (Penguin Classics, 1986)

‘When Love Takes Over’: Written by David Guetta, Kelendria Rowland, Miriam Nervo, Olivia Nervo & Frederic Riesterer © Copyright K Gal Publishing/Sony ATV Tunes LLC Sony/ATV Music Publishing (Australia) Pty Ltd. International copyright secured. All rights reserved. Used with permission. © Copyright What a Publishing Ltd/Rister Editions J. Albert & Son Pty Ltd. International copyright secured. All rights reserved. Used with permission.