Laura Restrepo - Hot Sur

“And that’s it,” Buttons said.

“Not much,” Rose responded.

“Not much at all, really. But that’s all I know about it. I saw the boss again that afternoon in the office. That’s when he told me that María Paz had never shown up. He was as befuddled about it as I was. We didn’t have a clue what had happened.”

“And you never saw her again?”

“To this day.”

“It’s so strange, her whole story. Unbelievable, even. You can say she actually escaped from Manninpox. Well, with the clamp and all, but still. In the end, she escaped…”

“True, you can say that,” Buttons said. “But, you know, from the moment she missed her trial she became a fugitive from justice, and that unleashed the state police, the FBI, Interpol because she’s a foreigner, the DEA because she’s Colombian, and the CIA to come after her. Not to mention the famished, unscrupulous packs of bounty hunters. And that’s supposing she was still alive, of course. Do you know how many prisoners have escaped from American prisons since 2001? A mere twenty-seven. That’s it. And of those twenty-seven, you know how many were recaptured?”

“No idea.”

“Take a guess.”

“Twelve?”

“Twenty-six. Out of twenty-seven. That means that during the entire decade, one prisoner successfully escaped.”

“Two with María Paz, if we count this as an escape,” Rose said, toasting with his beer.

“The boss asked me to conduct an investigation,” Buttons said, finishing his meal and tossing a last piece of burger to one of the dogs.

“No!” Rose screamed. “Don’t feed them human food. They’re trained to eat only from their dishes. You’ll spoil them.”

“Did you hear what I said? The boss asked me to conduct an investigation.”

“And?”

“I found out some things. Unpleasant. About the death of your son.”

“The authorities that investigated the incident said it was a traffic accident. Open-and-shut case.”

“They’re part of the bureaucracy, they don’t care. But I think I came across something.”

“I don’t know if I’m ready for that,” Rose said, even though he had been living the past few weeks unable to free himself from anything having to do with the death of Cleve, looking for any shred of evidence that would help him understand the unfathomable and irreversible fact of what had happened. Yet he shut his eyes tight and turned the other way, terrified, each time he came upon something concrete. “You have to understand. It’s just too much to take for one day. For the moment. I’m taking the dogs out. Make yourself at home, Buttons,” Rose said on his way out. He rested for a while on the porch, petting the dogs and trying not to think about anything. Skunko lay at his feet, Dix bit the hem of his jacket, and Otto scratched behind an ear. Why is this dog scratching himself so much? Rose thought. Not that ear infection again, I hope. He wondered if his desire to disconnect was the result of the Effexor he had just taken.

“When are we going to talk about the death of your son?” Buttons asked later that night as he built a fire. He didn’t have a car to drive back to the city, so he accepted Rose’s invitation to stay.

“I ran to the morgue when they called me to identify the body,” Rose said. “I prayed the whole way there. Let it not be him, let it not be him, still convinced it couldn’t be Cleve. And in a manner I had been right, that dead person wasn’t Cleve. He was so disfigured, so still. That couldn’t be my boy, my Cleve, my only son, that destroyed wounded body. But all it took was a second look to make clear that it was him, in spite of the grotesque, wounded face, almost unrecognizable, but there was the lightning-bolt scar in the middle of his forehead. That was all that was really left of him. Afterward, they couldn’t pull me away from him. They would have to shut the place down, or go home, or put away the bodies, whatever it took, but I wasn’t going to walk away from Cleve. At some point, Edith appeared, not exactly sure when. A few years before, she and Ned had returned from Sri Lanka and settled down in Chicago. That’s where he was going. He wanted to be at his mother and Ned’s anniversary celebration. I don’t know the years, not sure if they ever officially married, well, no, they couldn’t have, because Edith and I never got around to getting divorced. There he was right in front of me, Cleve, my son, covered in a shroud. Edith was on his right, and I was on his left. I should tell you this, Buttons, just to make it clear. There were three dead people in that room. You may notice that I walk, and work, and even enjoy a hamburger and a beer, just like a normal person, but it means nothing. It became very clear to me at the cemetery, when Edith and I were finally able to look into each other’s eyes; we both knew that three people were being buried. That was my last stop, what’s happened since is of no matter, it has become all about enduring and letting time pass. And taking care of my dogs, they need me. Actually, what followed afterward was the guilt, mountains of guilt, or remorse, of beating myself to a pulp for allowing it to happen. An insane guilt, you know. The shrink even prescribed some pills, so I wouldn’t go off the deep edge permanently.”

“Do you want to tell me about that?”

“It’s a long story.”

“We have all night.”

Rose had no idea where to start. Maybe on the day Cleve, when he was ten, had leaped into an empty pool after his parents had lost him. Apparently, he had jumped even though he was fully aware it was empty. He dislocated his shoulder, broke an arm, and split his forehead open when it smashed into the floor of the pool. You couldn’t really say this was a child who had just tried to commit suicide; the pool wasn’t deep enough for that, even a kid his age would have known that. But it had been a call for attention that alerted his parents that they had a very sensitive child, one much more vulnerable than they had imagined. From that day, the Z on the child’s forehead was proof that in their dysfunctional family there was a weak link that would snap if too much force were applied. Years later, when Cleve, already an adult, made the decision to go live with his father in the Catskills, Rose was clear about the fact that he had taken on a humongous responsibility, which came to a climax with their feelings about the motorcycle. For Cleve’s generation, a motorcycle was simply a means of transportation, good times, hot women, and, with any luck, sex here and there. To Rose, on the other hand, the very word “motorcycle” spoke of extreme danger, risking one’s life, a guaranteed accident on wheels, or any such parental hysteria. And he warned and warned his son about all this till his breath ran out, and this led to huge fights and chilled relations between them, something that was constant from the day that Cleve showed up at the house with that Yamaha to the day he died, on that very day they had fought about it.

“It was a monster with four cylinders, four carburetors, and four cylinder heads,” Rose informed Buttons. “It guzzled gasoline like some rabid dog and it was unbeatable on the road but almost impossible to handle in an emergency situation because it was so long and heavy with a high center of gravity. Every single day I admonished him about it. But he would admit to none of these flaws, he worshipped the thing, was madly in love with it. That Yamaha had him under a spell. He was always cleaning it, hugging it, and structured his days around checking the air filter, carburetors, oil, gauges. He spent a fortune using only premium gasoline. It was blind love, a total understanding between man and machine. So put yourself in my position. My most important job in the world was to stop Cleve from repeating what he had attempted ten years before. A pool then, a motorcycle now. The only thing I had to do was prevent that. I failed. No other way to put it.”