I sat before Heidelberg. I sat there knowing I had a bachelor’s degree, that I graduated with a 3.4. My professors liked me, people with doctorates liked me. I could easily get a recommendation from a good amount of professors. I was told by my professors that I would have a bright future. I had won employee of the month at several of my jobs. No one had ever complained about my performance at work or in college. Getting yelled at constantly confused me. I knew I wasn’t allowed to speak first so I waited for Heidelberg.
Heidelberg, looking very angry, said, “I heard about what happened in the bathroom today.”
“Yes.” I knew I had to say yes. Yes was the appropriate reply.
“Imad called meds, correct?”
“Yes.”
“He told you over the walkie-talkie to get Sanders, correct?”
“Yes.”
“You called back over the walkie-talkie that resident Sanders was shaving.”
I remembered what happened. Imad called one o’clock meds at 12:30, not one o’clock. I went to the bathroom and Sanders was shaving. I told Sanders that Imad wanted him for meds. Sanders replied that Imad was not following procedure, and that he had the right to shave because he was following the rules. I called back on the walkie-talkie that Sanders was shaving. Imad yelled over the walkie-talkie, “Tell Sanders to come now or he will be written up.”
Heidelberg said, “I know that Imad did not follow procedure and start meds on time, but what you must understand, Mike, is that hierarchy trumps procedure. If someone who is your superior tells you to do something, even if it contradicts procedure, then you must do it, and the resident must do it. If Edward Choffin comes in here right now and tells me to do jumping jacks and sing ‘Paradise City’ by Guns N’ Roses, then I have to do that. You know why, Mike?”
“Because hierarchy trumps procedure.”
“That is correct. Also, there is one more item we need to talk about.”
“Okay,” I said.
“You asked Imad where Jay Riddick went today.”
“Yes.”
“You have a serious problem with listening. You don’t listen. You don’t need to know those things. Those things are not your business. Everyone in this establishment has ‘their business.’ I have my business, and you have your business. Everything you do is my business, everything you know is my business, everything you think and feel is my business. Everything that is my business is none of your business. Nothing that pertains to me pertains to you. Everything that pertains to you also pertains to me. Do you understand?”
“Yes.”
“We have had word from other staff members that you don’t take things seriously. That you don’t believe that this is a serious job. This is a very serious job.”
I wanted to say that counting sad drug addicts wasn’t that serious. That no one cared about these people. The only time people cared about the residents was when one of them committed a crime. Politicians didn’t care about their lives, corporations didn’t care about their lives, and the media didn’t care about their lives. Heidelberg didn’t even care about them. She had a job that paid well, offered good health care, and gave her a chance to power-trip. She had her American Dream.
Heidelberg went on. “Every procedure is vital to this institution. If you don’t do the body count right, people could escape. Do you know that? People could escape.”
“Yes.” Where could they go, seriously? I wanted to say ‘seriously’ too. It seemed like ‘seriously’ was a catch word when someone didn’t have a point but wanted to make a point, and they knew they didn’t have a point. They felt the pointlessness of their point and then said ‘seriously’ to make it a point.
“Do you understand how vital all this is? We are shaping the thoughts and behaviors of men and women who badly need to be reformed to live in society.”
“Yes.”
“Good. Now go back to work.”
Monica Whitten Comes Over
I heard a knock on the door. I knew it was Monica. I went to the door and opened it. I felt like a sixteen-year-old, I was so excited to see her. She was dressed in street clothes and looked better than usual. I really liked Monica’s smile and laugh. She seemed so kind, so polite. She seemed like the kind of person who would always do their duty to their friends and family, the kind of person who would give things up for other people. She would give time, she would give money, she would give it all to others and not think once about it.
Monica and I went into the kitchen where my grandfather was sitting. I introduced Monica by saying, “Grandpa, this is Monica.”
The old man looked at her, smiled and said, “Monica, an ancient name, the name of Saint Augustine’s mother, a woman of devout faith. It could be said that her faith was the faith that gave Saint Augustine the ideas and power to write those books that changed human history for a thousand years. She was the great muse of Saint Augustine, but also it might be related to the Greek word ‘monos’ meaning ‘alone.’”
Monica stared at my grandfather and said, “Alone?”
“Yes, alone.”
“Do you think one day I will be alone?”
“Sounds good.”
We walked up to my bedroom and put her laptop on my bed. We lay on my bed on our bellies. I glanced at her body. She was small and skinny. She had a little peach butt that bulged in her leggings. I thought about her naked. I thought to myself, I want to lick her all over. I did not say that thought out loud.
She said, “Okay, I don’t know if I should be doing this, but this sounds really fun. I hate NEOTAP anyway. The only thing that saves me is that I work for the IT department.”
She opened the NEOTAP program and said, “What do you want me to look for?”
“Look for Sherwood Burke.”
She brought up all the residents, all the past and present residents. She showed me that she could access all the logs on residents, all the documents written by their case workers, even all their juvenile records. She had complete access. I said, “Where is Burke though?”
Monica said, “I can’t find him.”
“He has to be in there.”
“No, nothing. I’ve looked everywhere.”
“Well, look up Jay Riddick.”
Monica went to the employee records. She said, “Do you want to see your record?”
“Okay.”
She brought up my record. There were reports on how I couldn’t handle bathroom situations and a thing about me asking too many questions but at the same time not asking enough questions.
I said, “But where is Jay Riddick?”
“I don’t know. I can see the names of several ex-employees, so he must be here somewhere.”
“Okay, Google Sherwood Burke. He committed felonies. He must have things in the newspaper archives.”
She Googled Sherwood Burke and nothing came up.
They had disappeared.
“This is really weird,” I said.
“Yeah, it is.”
We sat there for a while, confused. We were both people who went to college to become well-adjusted adults who paid their bills and taxes, but that didn’t seem right. How did we find ourselves in a job where people disappear?
I asked Monica if she wanted to watch a movie on Netflix and she said, “Sounds good.”
We sat in my room watching a movie.
Monica said, “What if we disappear one day?”
“What?”
“What if we disappear?”
“Do you think the IT person would disappear?”
“I don’t know. Jay disappeared.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
“Should we quit our jobs?” she said.
“I put out more applications but nobody is hiring.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
After we watched a movie on Netflix, we fell asleep. We fell asleep with our clothes on but before that she cuddled me. One of her small dark arms went over my chest and held me. I grasped her forearm with affection and we fell asleep.
Читать дальше