Jeffery Allen - Rails Under My Back

Birdleg?

That’s right.

Who—

Birdleg.

No Face thought a moment. Jesus’s bald head gleamed in the room like a bright egg. What he learn you?

Listen and learn. Jesus repeated the words from memory. Learn to listen. More will be revealed in the end.

What?

Birdleg. The source.

Then, you got to represent something.

I told you — Jesus rolled down his sleeve and covered the scars — myself.

You selfish.

It ain’t like that.

How it like then?

See—

Even T-Bone represent.

That crippled motherfucka, Jesus said. He pictured T-Bone. Wide bodybuilder torso and slim ballerina legs, riding a wheelchair like a Cadillac in Union Station, patrolling the platform, digging in the scene, racing the subway trains. Word, everybody knew T-Bone. Kickin up dust in his wheelchair, crippled but still kickin it.

Yeah, but he got more heart than some niggas wit three good legs. He ain’t sorry bout what happened to him. I was there when it happened, No Face said, proudly, chest puffed out. See, it’s like this. We had jus jacked that Jew, Fineberg.

You was in on that?

Yeah.

Jesus looked at him. I see. He tryin to bullshit the bullshitter. And once I caught one this big — Jesus held a fabled fish in his parted hands.

No, straight up. You don’t know me from Adam. We had just changed that Jew, Goldberg—

Thought you said Fineberg?

Naw. You said that.

Nigga—

Like I said, we change that Goldfine Jew, then we get on the train and this crazy white man, this other Jew-lookin muddafudda, pull out his gat and start shootin at us. Jus like that. So I pull out my shit. I’m like — No Face rises to demonstrate — Boom boom boom. No mercy. And—

Nigga, you weren’t even there.

No Face retakes his seat. How you know?

I know.

See, that how I lost my eye. I had the long demonstration like this. No Face took a sniper’s pose. Then I went Boom boom boom and hot oil popped in my eye. No Face raised the patch and used two fingers to open the eye socket like a clam.

Jesus peered into the gray-pink insides. Nigga, that’s disgustin. Why don’t you get a glass eye or somephun.

No Face laughed. Stick yo finger in.

Make a nigga wanna throw up.

Go head. Stick yo finger in.

Jesus shook his head.

See, I’m down fo the hood.

Nigga, the only hood you down fo is the one I’m gon put over yo ugly face.

See, you don’t know me from Adam. No Face closed his cavernous socket. I put in work. When I see a number three, my enemy. That’s it. Devastation take over.

Nigga, stop dreamin.

But I don’t use no street sweeper, mowin fools down on the run. No innocent bystanders and all that. See, me, I’m like this. If I want somebody, I park in fronta they house, camp out all night, drink me a little Everclear, smoke me some Buddha and jus wait fo em. Soon as they leave they house, I be like bam! Peel they cap. Staple a navel if I jus wanna fuck em up fo life. You know, make em carry one of those plastic pee bags. Make em wear diapers.

Like that, huh? A mission.

Hard-core. No Face patted his heart.

Then how come you ain’t got no rep?

He looked at Jesus for a long moment. You don’t know me from Adam. I got a rep. You jus ain’t heard about it.

Yeah. I heard you a busterpunklyinmotherfucka.

Now why you come at me like that?

Jus stop frontin. I got proof. Real proof.

Man, you don’t know me from Adam. I got proof too. I—

Jus fire up the Buddha.

No Face grinned at the words. Aw ight. Stroked his bare chin. You already sampled my fine products.

I can tell you something. Jesus thought about it. He approached the words slowly. I got plenty enemies. Last Christmas. No, last Thanksgiving. No, Christmas. Yeah, Christmas. My family — But he didn’t say any more.

No Face sucked his teeth. Can’t trust nobody these days.

Jesus said nothing.

Can’t get no respect.

Jesus nodded.

Tell me about it.

PORSHA MOVES like a mule. Slow and strong. A young, shapely woman in a tight black dress, bright red belt boasting her slim waist. She drapes a white cloth shroudlike over Gracie’s long supper table. Sets the table. Lace doilies, cloth napkins (folded and ironed), silver utensils, gold-edged plates, and glass goblets. She positions two crystal decanters of dark dinner wine — Mogen David by the looks of it, tasty Jew wine that Sheila, her mother, my aunt, had stolen from the Shipco liquor cabinet or that Gracie, her aunt, my mother, had lifted from the Sterns — at each strategic end of the table. And two pitchers of minty eggnog. Balances steaming serving dishes on her raised palms. Carefully sets them down. Everything where it should be. The table creaks, sags from the weight.

Yall come eat.

The family blasts into the dining room like an express train. Porsha directs them: Mamma, you sit here next to Dad. Aunt Gracie, you sit over there next to John.

Jesus grins it over, grins cause Sheila and Gracie are sisters, but you must keep them apart. Can’t stand each other. Always been that way, always will be.

And you boys sit down there.

Boy? Hatch says. Who you callin a boy?

Yeah, Jesus says. We men.

Seventeen ain’t grown, Porsha says.

Don’t start, Sheila says.

Dressed to the nines, as always, John removes his glasses, sets them next to his plate. He whispers something to Lucifer— my uncle —who nods in silent agreement. Two brothers, their hair spotted gray, strewn with ashes.

Aunt Gracie, why don’t you say grace?

Okay. You must realize that in the last days the times will be full of danger. Men will become utterly self-centered. They will be utterly lacking in gratitude. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.

Prayers circulate around the table. Sheila says, Let the peace of Christ control in your heart and show thanks. Porsha says her say. In connection with everything give thanks. Lucifer, John, Hatch, and Jesus mumble in unison, Christ wept.

Let’s eat!

Jesus tears into his food, though the sleeves of his thick winter coat slow him somewhat. He watches the others as he eats, prickly aware of himself.

I was jus remembering something, Sheila says over the clatter of dishes. When Porsha was little, she couldn get enough of Jesus and Hatch. Feed them. Bathe them. Take them anywhere they wanna go. I tell you. Sheila smiles and shakes her head in memory and delight. She used to drape their wet diapers across the radiator. And bring them fresh cookies from school.

Oh, Mamma, Porsha says. Why you have to bring that up?

Cause I—

Sheila, ain’t you got this boy tied to yo apron strings?

John, I don’t see nothing on my apron.

Look again, cause the way I remember it, when Hatch there was a baby, he was always ridin yo hip.

As tired as I was. How he gon ride my hip?

You go to the grocery store and he ridin yo hip.

John.

You go to the Laundromat and he ridin yo hip.

Please.

Well, he rode it. Yeah, while you cleaned up yo house.

Dr. Shipco, Lucifer says, told me himself that Hatch rode her hip while she cleaned his house.

Dinner over, the family retires to the living room with two fifths of Crown Royal. The women take glasses and a bottle and retire to one corner. The men take the other bottle and another corner.

Give them boys a drink, John says.

Just one, Sheila says. One glass apiece.

What about Porsha? Hatch says. How come she can drink?

Porsha grown and livin in her own house, Sheila says.

But I’m livin in my own house, you say.

You ain’t grown, though.