Hanif Kureishi - Collected Stories

‘People aren’t disposable items, are they? It’s chilling, Rocco. You sound rational and ruthless at the same time, not always a propitious combination, as you surely know.’

‘Certain people are good for certain things and not for others. One wants something from some people, and they want something from you. You go on until there’s nothing more.’

‘Vance would agree with you.’

‘Yes. I see that. I’m not saying it’s not painful. Only tonight I believe in another possible future. Will it kill you to give me that chance?’

‘Not immediately.’ He started to put the drinks away. ‘I must go to bed.’

Rocco was lying across the sofa with a bottle in his hand. ‘Can I stay?’

He would sit up all night and listen to Bodger’s classical records. Even though Rocco would weep at certain musical passages, Bodger liked having someone there.

Three days after the picnic Lisa opened the door to find Karen standing there with her son. When she saw Lisa was in, she sent the boy to play football in the garden and stepped inside. It was the first time Karen had been inside the cottage, and even as she looked around disapprovingly she was saying, ‘Is it true, your husband died?’

Lisa wondered why she had come. They had never been friends. In fact Karen had often been condescending towards her. Perhaps there was something she had to tell her. But what?

Lisa said, ‘It is true.’

‘Is that terrible?’

Lisa shrugged.

‘Oh God, Lisa.’ For a moment Karen hugged her. ‘It makes me think of Vance dying.’ Looking over Lisa’s shoulder she said, ‘Books everywhere. Didn’t you go to college?’

‘University.’

‘Is there a difference? I’m a pea brain. I expect you’ve noticed. What did you do there?’

‘Had a lovely time at parties. And read — stuff I’d never read again.’

‘Poetry?’

‘Psychology. My husband — the, er, dead man — was a lecturer.’

‘I’d like to read books. Except I don’t know where to start. People who read too much are snobby, though.’

Lisa said, ‘I know I didn’t make enough of it. All that free education, and no one told me not to waste it. No one had my best interests at heart — least of all me. Isn’t that funny?’

Karen said, ‘You can get married to Rocco now.’

‘But I haven’t lived yet.’

‘I’ll tell you, from experience — marriage will make you secure. I know I’m all right with Vance and he’ll take care of me. If I ask for something he writes a cheque.’

Lisa just laughed.

Karen look startled. ‘You think he’ll run off with someone else?’

‘Do you?’

‘Soon we’re going to get out of here. In the next few years.’

‘So are we.’

‘But when though, when? Vance keeps saying we will but I know it won’t happen!’ Karen stood watching her son in the garden. She began to tug at her hair. ‘The worst marriages — they aren’t the most violent or stifling. Or the cruellest even. You could take action then. It would be obvious. The worst are the ones that are just wrong. People stay because it takes ten years to realise it, and those years are thrown away and you don’t know where.’

Lisa murmured, ‘I woke up startled the other night. He was kissing me.’

‘Who?’

‘He didn’t know he was doing it. All over my face. Rocco’s at his sweetest when he’s unconscious.’

‘You know, he did this thing with me once,’ Karen said. Lisa looked up at her. ‘He was carrying a book of poems. I said, “What’s that junk about?” “Listen,” he said, and read me this one song. It made me feel strange. He made me see what it was about. Vance never liked Rocco. Or you.’

‘Have we ever harmed anyone? Vance can be very hard.’

‘D’you think so?’

‘How d’you stand all that rushing about?’ asked Lisa. ‘More like thrashing about, actually.’

‘We went to the Caribbean. But Vance was always busy. He says I’m out of focus. Men only think about work … they never think about love, only sex. I always get up before Vance, to clean my teeth and shower so he won’t see me looking ugly. He doesn’t like my accent.’

‘What d’you mean?’

‘He hears me in front of other people, in a restaurant in London, or in front of you —’

‘Me?’

‘And he looks at me as if he’s never seen me before. He says we’ve got to change if we’re going to get anywhere.’ Suddenly she cried out, ‘What’s that?’

‘Where?’

‘There — on the table.’

‘An ant.’

‘Kill it!’

Lisa smiled.

Karen stood up. ‘They’re swarming everywhere! It’s unsanitary!’ She sat down again and tried not to look around, but said, in her confusion, ‘Don’t you ever want to … to go to bed with another person, someone else?’

‘Sorry?’

‘Just to try another body. Another thingy. You know.’

Lisa was about to say something but only cleared her throat.

Karen said, ‘Is that your only dress? Haven’t you got anything else? Moon says you’re always in the shop.’

‘I like this dress. It’s cool.’

‘Vance might have to close that place. You’re the only person who goes in there.’

‘And the club?’

‘Vance doesn’t tell me much.’ She said, ‘A lot of the men round here go for you. Like Moon.’

‘Oh Moon,’ sighed Lisa. ‘As Rocco said, Moon’s on another planet. Men think that if they put their hands on you or say filthy things you’ll want them.’

‘Only if you ask for it,’ Karen replied sharply. ‘What will you live on in London?’

‘I’ll … I’ll do journalism. I’ve been thinking about some ideas.’

Karen nodded. ‘A single woman in London. That’s a popular scenario. Thing is,’ she said, ‘however much a woman wants a career, for most of us it’s a load of day-dreams. We aren’t going to make enough to have a top-class life. The only way to get that is to marry the right guy. You might be brainy, but without money you can’t do nothing.’

‘Money! Why do people have to have so much of it?’

‘People are so envious, it’s dirty envy, it makes me mad. They want what we have but won’t do anything to get it.’

Waves of heat rolled through Lisa’s body; if only the top of her head were hinged and she could let them out.

She said, ‘People say of the young people in this town … that we don’t want to do anything. It’s not true. Just give us a chance, we say.’ Before Karen could speak again, Lisa went on, ‘Did you come for any reason?’

Karen looked surprised. ‘Only to talk.’

Lisa was thinking of other things. Her demeanour changed. ‘I want to do so much. To learn to sing and dance. To paint. To row on the river. To play guitar and drums. I can’t wait to begin my life!’

When she left Karen insisted on kissing Lisa again.

Lisa felt dizzy and feverish. She stepped out of her dress and rolled herself into a ball, under a sheet. She was thirsty, but there was no one to bring her a drink.

She awoke to find Rocco apologising for his rudeness at the picnic.

She cried out, ‘Oh God, that woman Karen has done me in!’

‘What was she here for? What did she say?’

Rocco noticed the blood on the sheet and went immediately to fetch Bodger.

‘Did they teach you at medical school to hold onto your patients’ hands that long, while whispering in their ears?’ enquired Rocco when Bodger came out of the room.

‘So you’re jealous?’ said Bodger. ‘You don’t want me to go out with her?’

‘If you sorted out the money and I got out, you’d be welcome to have a go.’

‘I’m trying to get the money,’ said Bodger, glancing back at the door in embarrassment. ‘But I’m a doctor, not a financier.’