Alex Preston: The Revelations

‘Here, give me one of those.’ Mouse passed him a cigarette. Marcus took a long drag and sighed as he let the smoke out through his nose. He pulled the chair out from under the trestle table and sat down.

‘But it’s more than that. .’

‘Go on,’ said Marcus.

‘The Course used to be about making us better people. I used to believe that, despite the showiness and the money sloshing around, it was a genuinely good thing. But it has changed, you know? The Course has become a corporation. It’s bigger than Lee’s death, and that just can’t be right. Because that’s what David’s saying, isn’t it? That it isn’t worth jeopardising the American expansion for the sake of telling the truth about Lee. The Earl has turned David’s head. Because David is a good man. He would have done the right thing if this had happened a year ago. He wouldn’t have let us cover up Lee’s death.’

Marcus’s phone buzzed again. He answered it.

‘I’m sorry, Abby.’ He knew he sounded drunk. He made an effort not to slur his words. ‘I’m with Mouse. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Eat without me.’ He hung up.

‘Will you come with me to the police station? Will you help me through this? I’m pretty scared. I want to do the right thing, but it isn’t going to be easy.’

Mouse paused, walked over to find the vodka, and took a swig from the bottle. He passed it to Marcus. Marcus gulped, wiped his arm across his mouth and rocked back on the chair.

‘I’ve obviously been thinking about it, too,’ he said. ‘It’s weird, but I’ve changed so much over the past few weeks. I used to think I was in control of things. I always used to feel like I was the centre of the room, at the heart of things, but these days. . everything seems so different. As if life is just rushing by. Like I’m on a train travelling very quickly and I lose sight of things flashing past, have to really concentrate to catch sight of the world. Things are just happening to me.’

Mouse turned to Marcus and looked at him. Marcus found it difficult to meet his friend’s eyes.

‘I agree with you about the Course and about David,’ said Marcus. ‘This whole American dream has given him visions of global domination. He thinks he’s going to be some flashy televangelist preaching to thousands in aircraft-hangar churches, beamed out on prime time to the homes of a million fawning fans.’

Marcus stood, took a last drag on his cigarette and flicked it out into the snow.

‘But the Course is a force for good. In this fucked-up world you have to think that getting people to believe in a mild, forgiving God is a good thing. We forget how much the Course has done for us. Imagine who you’d be without it. I’d be a monster, I’m sure. You have to realise that David is right. Letting people know about Lee will destroy the Course. To have a story like this break would wreck it.

‘I think about Abby, too. I’ve been a shit husband. I realise that. And I need to try to make things up to her. I’m going to do everything I can for this baby, for her, for the Course. I’m not trying to change your mind. Or rather, I’m just trying to make you see that if you tell the police it’s going to have huge repercussions.’

‘But isn’t it the right thing to do?’

‘I don’t think anything is as simple as that. I don’t think there’s such a thing as right and wrong any more.’

‘Do you think Abby would be terribly hurt?’

‘Of course. I worry. . I worry about the baby. What the shock would do to her, to the baby.’

‘Oh, Jesus, you can’t use that. You can’t use that against me.’

‘It’s something that I think about, of course it is.’

‘What will you do if I do tell them?’

‘I can’t stop you.’

‘But you won’t come with me.’

‘I don’t know that I can.’

‘Please?’

Mouse’s breath misted in the air blown in from the window. Marcus was staring out at the snow.

‘I didn’t know what to do,’ Marcus said. ‘I was totally lost. This move, it gives me a second chance. I know I should help you, Mouse, but I can’t. I’m putting everything in God’s hands. I think, perhaps, it’s God who has been directing things, that’s why I feel like I’ve lost control. I’ve decided to embrace that, to let Him lead me from here on.’

‘That’s really dumb. You can’t mean it?’

‘I just don’t know what else to say. I’m so sorry.’

Marcus put his arms around Mouse and they stood there for a few minutes. Marcus reached over and gently pulled the window closed. There was a line of white snow across the diagonal Vs of the wooden floor.

‘I have to go.’

Mouse’s mouth hung open. His eyes, which had been wide and questioning, suddenly narrowed.

‘OK. I understand. Let me show you out.’

They walked down the long flight of stairs together in silence. Mouse went first, breathing heavily, slowing as they descended. Finally, they stood by the turnstiles in the yellowish glow of the library lights. Mouse’s eyes were red.

‘Goodbye, sport,’ he said. ‘Give my love to Abby.’

Marcus reached out to hug his friend again, but Mouse pulled away.

‘Tell her I hope the birth. . that everything goes well for her.’

Marcus felt in his pocket.

‘I have something for you.’

He dropped the pair of earrings, one turquoise, one blue, into his friend’s hand. Mouse’s eyes filled with tears.

‘Thank you,’ he said, his voice breaking.

Marcus stepped into the lift.

‘I’m sorry.’

Mouse shook his head, tears streaming from his bright, buoyant eyes.

‘Bye, Mouse.’

Mouse stood at the lift doors until they closed, then Marcus rode downwards in the wheezing, clanging contraption. Outside, the snow had begun to drift in Russell Square. Marcus hailed a taxi and made his way back to the flat.

When he got inside, Abby was sitting cross-legged on the bed reading a book about child-rearing, one of a large pile that sat on the dresser in their room. Marcus brushed his teeth and lay alongside her. She closed the book and took his head in her lap, bending down to kiss him.

‘You found Mouse,’ she said.

‘Mmm. He was at the library.’ Marcus stared up at her.

‘How is he?’

‘He’s OK. He’ll be fine.’

‘D’you think he’ll come back to the Course?’

‘I don’t know. I think maybe he will. But I’m so tired. Can we go to sleep?’

‘Of course. We can talk tomorrow.’

She reached over, turned out the light and stretched out with her back to him. Soon she was snoring. Marcus lay in the darkness and heard, echoing through his mind, the wail of a baby, the howling of the wind in the library and the sound of Lee picking out the ‘Promenade’ from Pictures at an Exhibition on her piano. Above all the other sounds, and yet somehow containing them, he heard the high wailing beauty of the tongues.

Abby walked down the main street of the quiet university town. Students were streaming out of classrooms and heading back to their dorms. Some made their way through the gates and across the main road to the shops. It was a balmy March day. The winter had been a cruel one, much colder than she was used to at home, but the past few weeks had been mild. She was growing to like these North-Eastern university towns: Princeton, New Haven, Cambridge, Ithaca. They were manageable, even to a foreigner. She smiled as a man stood aside to let her pass along the narrow pavement. She wondered if he could tell she was pregnant. She was at the annoying stage where she might be mistaken for merely fat.

She stepped into a bar on the main street. It was across the road from the town’s famous record exchange, a white brick building that managed to attract a constant stream of pale, acne-scarred students despite the increasing obsolescence of its wares. The bar was almost empty. She bought herself a glass of wine and then sat at the table in the window, overlooking the university’s main quadrangle. A huge Henry Moore sculpture stood, bright with verdigris, in the centre. The bartender looked over at her. She put her handbag in her lap to hide her bump. She knew what Americans thought about drinking during pregnancy. But she deserved a little celebration. The past few weeks had been marvellous.