Gregory Roberts - The Mountain Shadow

‘Please,’ I said, not ready at all, ‘go ahead.’

‘The set of positive characteristics is in every particle of matter in existence, expressed at its own level of complexity, and the more complex the arrangement of the matter, the more complex the manifestation of the set of positive characteristics. Are you with me so far?’

‘Yes, I am.’

‘Very well. At our human level of complexity, two remarkable things happen. First, we have non-evolutionary knowledge. Second, we have the capacity to override our animal nature, and behave like the unique human-animals that we are. Do you see?’

‘Master!’ Silvano said, rushing into the space. ‘Can I take Lin with me, for a minute? Please!’

Idriss laughed happily.

‘Of course, Silvano, of course. Go with him, Lin. We’ll have more talks, later.’

‘As you say, Idriss. I’ll go through my notes, and be prepared when we talk again.’

Silvano rushed through the mesa, and onto the gentler path leading from the mountain.

‘Hurry!’ he called, sprinting ahead.

He branched off onto a side path, climbing very steeply to a break in the trees. There was a knoll, with a view toward the setting sun. Breathless, puffing hard, we stood side by side and stared at the view.

‘Look!’ Silvano said, pointing at a place near the centre of the horizon.

There was a building: a church, it seemed, with a spire.

‘We have not missed it.’

As the red shimmer of the sun began to set, rays of light struck the ornament at the top of the church spire.

From our vantage, I couldn’t see what the ornament was, a cross, or a cross within a circle, but the light radiating from the spire for a few moments was a field of coloured light, bathing all the homes and buildings in the valley.

It vanished in evening’s haze, as the sun slept.

‘Brilliant,’ I said. ‘When did you find this?’

‘Yesterday,’ he grinned, heading back to the camp, and his protected sage. ‘I was dying to show it to you. I don’t know how long it will last. Maybe another day or two, before the glory is gone.’

When we rejoined the group on the mesa I saw Stuart Vinson, with Rannveig, talking to Idriss in the same chairs where I’d been sitting. What was it Idriss had said? Some nice, sweet fellow comes along, with some girlfriend problem that I have to listen to .

I left them alone with him, and did some chores in the kitchen. I was washing dishes when Vinson and Rannveig joined me. Rannveig picked up a tea towel, and began drying the dishes. Candles in mounds like wax models of the mountain lit the space with yellow light. Vinson watched us from the doorway. Rannveig turned ice-blue eyes on him. He jumped forward, and began putting the dry dishes away.

‘You know,’ I said to the girl, ‘there’s an alternative to Rannveig, like the runway at the airport , in English. You can also be Rannveig, as in catwalk runway .’

‘I prefer airports,’ she said sternly. ‘But thank you for your thought. I have seen Karla.’

‘Uh-huh?’

‘I would like to tell you about it, but in private. Is there somewhere we can go?’

‘I guess. Sure.’

‘Stuart,’ she said, giving him the tea towel. ‘I’m talking with Lin, for a while. Come and get me, in twenty minutes.’

I dried my hands and led her from the open kitchen to a fallen tree that many used as a place to read or converse. We sat down alone. I looked at Vinson, in the open kitchen, washing dishes contentedly.

‘I lied,’ Rannveig said.

‘About what?’

‘Karla didn’t say or do anything that I would have to tell you privately. Karla only told me to tell you that she’ll see you soon, and that she was keeping the faith, and changing the faith every day, just to be sure.’

‘Nice,’ I said, smiling. ‘What do you want to talk about, Rannveig?’

‘Your girlfriend, Lisa,’ she said intently.

She was searching my eyes, unsure whether she’d crossed a line or not.

‘Because your boyfriend died from an overdose, too?’

‘Yes,’ she said, lowering her eyes, then raising them quickly to look at Vinson.

‘It’s okay,’ I said.

She turned to face me.

‘When I heard about it,’ she said, ‘I was shocked. I only met her once, but it punched me in the stomach, you know?’

‘Me, too. How are you coping?’

‘How do I look?’

She’d filled out a little, and there was a healthy pink blush in her cheeks. Her startling eyes, blue light through blue ice, were clear. Her hands, which had fidgeted and curled into themselves whenever I’d seen her before, were as calm as sleeping kittens in her lap.

She wore a sky-blue T-shirt, a man’s suit vest, and faded jeans. Her feet were bare. She wore no jewellery or make-up. Her oval-shaped face was driven by a strong nose, and full lips.

‘You look very pretty,’ I said.

She frowned at me. Maybe she thought I was coming on to her.

‘I’m not coming on to you,’ I laughed. ‘I’m taken, for this and many lifetimes, past and to come.’

‘You are? You found someone again, after -’

‘Before. And after. Yeah.’

‘And you’re connected to someone? Like before?’

‘Oh, yeah. But not like before.’

‘Better?’

‘Better. And it’ll get better for you.’

She looked at Vinson, drying dishes.

‘My family, in Norway, they’re very strict Catholics. My boyfriend was everything they hated, so, you know, to show my independence I followed him to India.’

‘What was he doing in India?’

‘We were supposed to be going to an ashram, but when we got to Bombay, we never moved.’

‘He’d been here before?’

‘A few times, yes. Now, I know it was for drugs, each time.’

‘But it hurt, when he died. And it still hurts, right?’

‘I wasn’t in love with him, but I liked him a lot, and I really tried to care for him.’

‘And what about Vinson?’

‘I think I’m falling in love with Stuart. It’s the first time I’ve ever felt like this about anyone. But I’m not letting myself go to him. I can’t. I know he wants it, and I want it too, but I can’t.’

‘Well… ’

‘How are you coping with it?’ she demanded, her mouth wide with pleading. ‘How did you get connected again?’

How did I get connected again? It was a good question, for a man who was a mountain away from the woman he loves.

‘Stuart will be generous, I think,’ I said. ‘He’ll give you time. There’s no rush. From what I can see, he’s much happier than when I first met him.’

‘He could be happier,’ she sighed. ‘And so could I. Do you get stuck, sometimes, in memories?’

‘Sure.’

‘You do?’

‘Sure. It’s a natural thing. We’re emotional minds. And it’s okay, so long as it’s a ride, and not a way of life. Are you flashing back?’

‘Yeah. I see him in my mind, when I stop thinking. It’s like he’s still with me.’

‘You know, the guy you were talking to, the sage, Idriss, he told someone yesterday that they can release a departed spirit by offering food, on a plate, by a river, and leaving it there for the crows and the mice to eat.’

‘How… how does that work?’

‘I’m no expert, but apparently the appeased spirits are released, to the next part of the journey.’

‘I’d try anything, at the moment. Whenever I relax and stop thinking, he’s right beside me.’

I’d started the conversation about appeasing departed spirits as a distraction, to raise her own spirits, but the words opened a door in her eyes, showing how afraid she was inside. She was shaking. She hugged herself.