Gregory Roberts - The Mountain Shadow

What was I afraid of? Take your pick. Let’s start with dying in prison. I told him, but he wasn’t buying it.

‘That’s not what you’re afraid of,’ he said, pointing the chillum at me. ‘If something happened to Karla, would you be afraid?’

‘Oh, yeah. Of course.’

‘That’s what I mean. The other things are things you already know, and things you can survive, if you have to. But Karla, and your family, that’s where your real fear lives, isn’t it?’

‘What are you saying?’

He settled back again, smiling contentedly.

‘It means that you are carrying fear within you, Lin. Fear should be outside us. It should only jump into us, when it is required. The rest of the time, we are designed by nature, and culture, to flourish in peace, because it’s very difficult to maintain a connection to the Divine, when you’re living in fear.’

‘Which means?’

‘You need to be rectified.’

‘What if I like being unrectified? What if I think the unrectified part is the best part? What if I’m beyond rectification? Are there rules to this procedure?’

He laughed.

‘You might be right,’ he smiled. ‘It might be the best part of you. But you can’t know, unless you submit yourself to rectification.’

‘ Submit? ’

‘Submit.’

‘See, when the language strays into cult territory, Idriss, the unrectified part of me yanks me outta there.’

‘Let me put it this way,’ Idriss said, leaning back in his chair. ‘Suppose you know someone, know him fairly well, and suppose there are some likeable things about him, but suppose this person is just a taker, and never a giver. Are you with me, so far?’

‘Yes.’

‘Very well. Suppose this person is ruthless with those not close to him, and never hesitates to ride on the success, talent, or money of others, but never works himself, and never puts anything back into the loop. Are you with me so far?’

‘I met this guy,’ I said, smiling. ‘Go on.’

‘Well, in that case it’s your duty, as a more rectified person, to speak to him, and attempt to moderate his damaging behaviour. But that can only work, if the other man submits himself to your counsel. If he is too proud, or too unrectified, you cannot perform your duty with him, and you must perform it with a more receptive person instead.’

‘Okay. I get it. But, Idriss, I wouldn’t call that submission. I’d call that meeting me halfway.’

‘And you’re right, it’s both of those things. It’s also common ground, and agreement, and a free discourse, but none of those things are possible without a measure of submission from everyone involved. Civilisation is submission, in a good cause. Humility is the doorway to submission, and submission is the doorway to rectification. Are we clear?’

‘I’m… with you, so far, Idriss.’

‘Thank the Divine,’ he sighed, relaxing and letting his hands fall into his lap. ‘You have no idea how many people make me go through that, again and again, with example after example, just to shove their fucking pride or prejudice out of the way for a fucking minute.’

It was the first time I’d heard him swear. He saw the glimmer in my eye.

‘I have to swear, and talk crazy, and shout, now and then,’ he said, ‘or I’d go out of my fucking mind.’

‘I see… ’

‘I don’t know how the Tantrics do it. All that physical penance, sacrifice and performing strenuous rituals, every day, for the whole of their lives. We teachers have it easy, compared to that. But we still go nuts, once in a while, under the sheer weight of being so fucking nice to everybody. Light the damn chillum, please. Where were we?’

‘Khaderbhai’s errors,’ I said, lighting the chillum for him.

He puffed for a while, found the stream, and floated his eyes into mine.

‘Tell me what you know about the movement toward complexity,’ he said, staring fixedly at me.

‘Khaderbhai said that if you take a snapshot picture of the universe, every billion years, all the way back to the Big Bang, we can see that the universe is always getting more complex. And that phenomenon, the continuous movement toward complexity, from the Big Bang to now, is the irreducibly defining characteristic of the universe as a whole. So, if this movement toward complexity defines the entire history of the universe -’

‘- then it’s a pretty good candidate as a reference point, for a definition of Good and Evil that is objective, and also universally acceptable,’ Idriss finished for me. ‘Anything that tends toward complexity is Good. Anything that tends against complexity is Evil.’

‘And the quick moral test,’ I added, ‘is to ask yourself the question: If everybody in the world did this thing I’m doing, or thinking of doing, would it help us get to more complexity, or hold us back? ’

‘Excellent,’ Idriss said, smiling and blowing smoke through his teeth. ‘You’re a good student. Let me ask a question. What is complexity?’

‘Excuse me, sir.’

‘Idriss. My name is Idriss.’

‘Idriss, can I ask a question?’

‘Of course.’

‘Is the concept of Good and Evil really necessary?’

‘Of course.’

‘Okay. Well, what do you say to people who argue that Good and Evil are culturally defined, arbitrary constructs?’

‘I have a simple answer,’ he said, puffing contentedly. ‘I tell them to fuck off.’

‘That’s your answer?’

‘Certainly. I ask you, would you appoint someone who doesn’t believe there’s any such thing as Good and Evil as a babysitter to your child, or your aged grandfather?’

‘With all due respect, Idriss,’ I laughed, ‘that’s an appeal to cultural bias, and not an answer. Are Good and Evil arbitrary, or not?’

He leaned in closer to me.

‘Because we have a destiny, which is undeniable, our journey is a moral journey. Understanding what is Good, and what is Evil, and the differences between them, is a required step for us to assume our role as guardians of our own destiny. We are a young species, and assuming our destiny is a big step. We only became self-aware yesterday.’

‘I’m not completely getting it,’ I said, looking up from my notes. ‘Thinking of things in terms of Good and Evil is required, at this stage in our spiritual evolution, is that it?’

‘If there were no Good or Evil in the world,’ he said, leaning back again, ‘why would we have laws? And what are laws, but our fumbling, and constantly evolving attempt to establish what is Evil, if not what is Good?’

‘I’m still not understanding it,’ I said. ‘I hope you’ll be patient with me, but from what you’ve said, we could just as easily substitute some other words, like right and wrong , or positive and negative , for Good and Evil. And we might be better off, if we did.’

‘Oh, I see,’ he said, leaning in closer. ‘You mean the semantics of it. I thought you were talking about the cultural architecture of Good and Evil.’

‘Ah… no.’

‘Very well, on that level, the terms Good and Evil are required, because they are connected to the Divine.’

‘And what if people don’t believe in the Divine?’

‘I tell them to fuck off. I can’t waste my time with atheists. They don’t have an intellectual elbow to lean on.’

‘They don’t?’

‘Of course, not. The fact that light has both physical and metaphysical characteristics means that it is nonsense to refuse the metaphysical. And an absence of doubt is an intellectual flaw. Ask any scientist, or holy man. Doubt is the agnostics’ parachute. That’s why agnostics have a softer landing than atheists, when the Divine speaks to them.’