Amanda Filipacchi - Love Creeps

“I do wish him well. That is why I want to test Ruth’s fidelity. To make sure she won’t cheat on him.”

“I don’t want to hear about this,” Lynn said, and went to talk to Alan, who was near the staircase, alone, stirring his drink morosely.

“Congratulations on your relationship. I’m really happy for you,” Lynn said to Alan.

He smiled faintly.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

After a moment, Alan said, “Have you noticed how much she looks at Roland?”

“Maybe a little bit.”

“Maybe she doesn’t believe in monogamy. She may be just like your ex, only less honest about it.”

Lynn took Alan’s arm and said to him sincerely, “I wish you the best, but if the best doesn’t happen, the good still can. With someone else or just with friends. And the good isn’t so bad.”

Alan looked unconvinced, so Lynn went on. “I don’t believe that finding a great love is guaranteed for everyone. I hope I’ll find one, but I may not. And who knows, you may not either. But there are other things that are good. Friendships, relationships that are supportive and comforting and fun, even if they’re not romantic or passionate. And you can find passion in other areas. No matter what happens between you and Ruth, you can count on me, on Ray, on your other friends to support you if you need us.”

Alan nodded, too moved to answer.

Roland joined them. “Hey, your girlfriend keeps staring at me. Have you noticed?”

Alan turned red. “No, I haven’t noticed.”

“Yeah, right. Aren’t you afraid she’ll cheat on you? Kind of like Jessica did?”

Alan gazed at the triumphant banner strung across the ceiling, on which Ray had written “Not-A-Bad-Soulmate Party.” Alan tried not to feel mocked by it. At that moment, he realized he had two choices.

He could expect the best and be rewarded by a long and happy life with his soulmate, who would love him with all his faults, forever, no matter what.

Or he could give in to his jealousy and negative thoughts, lose his girlfriend — the best thing that had ever happened to him — fall into a downward spiral, and perhaps even become suicidal again.

No.

He would not be defeated. He was victorious. He had everything he wanted and was determined to enjoy a long life of happiness with Ruth. Roland, Lynn, and Ray had tried to find something bad about her, but it seemed there was nothing bad to be found. She was a good soulmate, his soulmate. He would not let his paranoia ruin everything. Ruth was faithful. She loved him. She was not yearning for Roland.

Alan finally answered, “No. I love Ruth, and I trust her. I think only good things of her.”

“That’s great!” Roland said. “People say that attitude can really make a difference in how things turn out. You’re harnessing the great American power of positive thinking!”

“Yes. I’ll give it a shot. What have I got to lose? It can’t hurt.”

They gazed at him.

He added, “I know I’ll be extremely happy with Ruth. I’m really looking forward to growing old with her.”

His positive outlook seemed to suffuse the room with a rose tint. Lynn and Roland were feeling more optimistic about their own lives. They left Alan’s side and mingled with the party.

Alan felt better, too.

Ruth brought him a refill of his Bloody Mary. They chatted intimately, commented playfully on the other guests. They were having a good time. Things were already lighter between them, less strained than at the start of the evening. His positive attitude really was working! If he stuck to it, Ruth would be more likely to stick to him. He wouldn’t have to be single, ever again, looking for a new love, as Lynn and Roland were doing. He would try his best to stay on the positive path and wouldn’t let small things, like Ruth’s glances at Roland, bother him. She was so wonderful in so many ways.

Alan was right. His girlfriend had many wonderful qualities. She was intelligent, beautiful, faithful, supportive, protective, fun, funny, warm, athletic, artistic, cultivated, generous, logical, consistent, and nature-loving. Being evil was her only fault.

LA FIN

For her brilliant insights and constant encouragement, I am especially grateful to my mother, Sondra Peterson.

For their valuable support and advice, I thank my agent, Melanie Jackson; my editor, Diane Reverand; Priscilla Cohen; Martine Bellen; Mark Woods; Mark Gimpel; Walter Biggs; Richard Stahnke; Jim Horowitz; Barbara Scrupski; and, as always, my father, Daniel, and my brother, Craig.

I would also like to extend a special thank-you to Randy Dwenger, Jennifer Cohen, Shelley Griffin, Lee Klein, Catherine Cusset, J. B. Miller, Ben Neihart, Heather Chase, Ken Foster, David Smith, and, most of all, the ever-inspiring Richard Hine.

Described by the New York Times Book Review as a “lovely comic surrealist,” Amanda Filipacchi’s fiction has been translated into thirteen languages and her nonfiction has appeared in the New York Times , the Wall Street Journal , and the Atlantic. Her novels have been called “hilarious and thought-provoking” by Tama Janowitz and “whimsical and subversive” by Edmund White. Filipacchi earned her MFA in fiction writing from Columbia University.