Jia Pingwa - Ruined City

“See that, Liu Yue?” Niu Yueqing said. “I mean nothing to him. The more I try to please him, the unhappier he is with me. Why is that? Can you tell me? He’s always so considerate of others, afraid to hurt this one or upset that one, but he has absolutely no regard for my feelings. Tell me, why is it so hard to be the wife of a famous man?” She broke down.

Zhuang tore down the street on his scooter. Muddy puddles remained in the lanes and in front of shops, while the street centers had dried out from traffic, leaving a film of dust. He could not imagine how Ah-can had been able to find his house when the area was flooded. She had obviously had her mind set on finding him and asking him to go visit her poor sister. He wondered how she had related her sad story to Niu Yueqing, who ended up sending her away. She must have been heartbroken as she walked down the stairs. Did she cry as she told her sister about the visit after she got home? The more he thought about it, the more jumbled his mind became. He felt a deep loathing rising up for his wife, for the vile Wang, for the mayor, the head of propaganda, and Huang Defu, who had kept him back to write the report. He rode his scooter all the way to Shangxian Road before it dawned on him that Ah-can wouldn’t be living in those squat, narrow houses now that she was divorced. She was going to admit her sister into a psychiatric hospital, so she might be there. He turned and headed toward the hospital. As he was negotiating the weedy, muddy path leading to the mental ward in the outskirts, he saw a figure walking toward him, head down, but he didn’t pay her much attention until his scooter splashed her and he turned his head to apologize. It was Ah-can. He called out to her and came to a screeching halt. She looked up and stared at him blankly before bursting into tears and running into his arms, smearing his clothes with mud and tears.

“I wasn’t home, Ah-can. I really wasn’t home. I just learned that you went to see me,” he said as he dried her tears. She stopped crying, took a step back, and took out a compact mirror to compose herself. “Did you hear what happened to me?”

“I did.” She teared up again. He turned his scooter around for her to climb on, saying he wanted to see Ah-lan. She told him there was no need, for that was no place for a normal person to spend much time in. After being there for only a short while, she said, she thought she’d lose her mind as well. Besides, Ah-lan had just been admitted, so the doctors probably would not let her out again so soon. He looked up wordlessly at the sky, filled with an indescribable sadness. Turning the scooter around again, he said, “Let’s find someplace where we can talk.”

“You don’t think I’m unworthy?”

“I wouldn’t have come if I felt that way.”

She got on the back of his scooter, and when he started the engine, she said: “I would have gone to your house again today if you hadn’t come. I wanted to see you one more time, even if your wife cursed or struck me. Where are you taking me? Someplace where there’s no one else but us, I hope. I want to be with you. I want to tell you something.”

Now it was his turn to weep. His tears dried quickly in the gusty wind coming at him, but his face was quickly wet again from new ones. He did not turn his head or wipe them off, as they seemed to have created gullies on his face, deep indentations like those made by a rope on the edge of a well.

When they reached the House of Imperfection Seekers, he asked for a detailed account of what had happened, adding his objection to her vengeance on Wang after Ah-lan had her breakdown. She said she hadn’t planned it that way. She had gone to the District Office to see someone in charge of community affairs, but was told that they couldn’t care less about such matters at a time like this, not to mention the fact that there were no witnesses. What conclusion could they draw based on hearsay? They even told her that Director Wang had a fine record in community affairs, with fine performance ratings in developing both collective and private enterprises. It was precisely because he was an effective leader that he worked tirelessly to build public toilets for the district. These days the people in leadership positions were often accused of malfeasance and corruption, either taking bribes or engaging in illicit affairs. They had launched a few investigations, but in the end no one had been punished. With the advent of reform and opening up, the sense of morality and the old system of values had begun to change; what had been once been considered out of bounds was now viewed as acceptable or was ignored, which led to many cases of false accusations. The lesson the leadership had learned was to discipline those who were at fault and defend those who must be protected. She was even told that they would try to understand what had happened between Wang and her sister, but they should also check to see if she was Wang’s mistress. Having a mistress was in fashion, and Ah-lan was old enough to have known better. Besides, it had occurred in Wang’s office, not in Ah-lan’s room. Ah-can said that her heart sank when she heard that, and she decided to take matters into her own hands, realizing that filing a complaint was useless. She wanted revenge. But what could she do with a vile person like that? She had only the pitiful methods available to a woman.

Reminded of his lawsuit and the related troubles, he put himself in her shoes and sighed over her situation. But he was still unhappy that she hadn’t come to see him earlier. “Since it’s come to this, we need to think about what to do next. Wang’s reputation may suffer, but he could be transferred to a community affairs office in another district if he can’t stay here. I hear he’s been spreading rumors to slander you and Ah-lan, so you should file a complaint against wrongful accusations. Here is a piece of calligraphy by Gong Jingyuan. Give it to whoever’s in charge. I’ll go see the mayor, who may listen to me.”

“Let’s let it go,” Ah-can said. “I don’t have any more fight in me. As an ordinary woman, I failed to protect my own sister, though I tried. Now I’ve gained the reputation of a loose woman. My confidence is gone, particularly after the humiliation I suffered at your wife’s hand in your house. I’m tired, simply exhausted. What else can I do? Would managing to remove that bastard from office and sending him to jail make up for what Ah-lan and I suffered? At least I’ve vented my anger. I was the one who asked for the divorce. Mu Jiaren isn’t a smart man, but he’s a decent one. The passion was long gone from our marriage, but I didn’t want what happened to have any negative effects on his life. I’m telling people he wanted a divorce so he can maintain his dignity as a man. I never dreamed I’d see you again, but you came looking for me, and with heaven’s blessing we ran into each other on the road. I’m so grateful to you. I have only one request, and please don’t laugh at me. If you’re willing, I’d like to get naked and sleep with you, with a clear conscience. Could you give me a baby?”

They both had moist eyes as they held each other tight. They swallowed each other’s saliva and tears when they kissed and made throaty sounds. Ah-can struggled out of his arms.

“Let’s not cry anymore,” she said with a laugh. “No more tears so we can be happy together. Wait for me here. I want to be pretty for you one more time.” She went into the bathroom, took a shower, brushed her teeth, and combed her hair. Then she sat in front of the mirror, took her eyebrow pencil from her handbag to paint her brows, and powdered and rouged her face. He wanted to come in to look at her, but she locked the door. After what seemed like a long time, she walked out naked, a brilliant glow on her impossibly beautiful face. He came up and held her.