Jia Pingwa - Ruined City

“Me too. I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he said.

“Then why don’t you marry me as soon as possible?

He lowered his head, with a pained look.

“Let’s not talk about that. It’s a blessing to love and be loved, don’t you think?”

“Yes,” he replied. “But I still want to say, wait for me. You must wait for me.”

They went back into the living room, where they talked until Liu Yue returned and went into the kitchen to prepare the dumplings. Wan’er looked at her watch.

“Ai-ya,” she said. “It’s getting late. I should go home to make lunch for Zhou Min. He’s been going to see the secretary-general the past three days, but hasn’t seen him yet. He said that if he fails to see him again today, he’ll go to the man’s house and wait on his doorstep.” She got up to leave.

“I won’t keep you,” Zhuang said. “Didn’t you say you wanted a book?” They went into the study, and Liu Yue, worried they would take the book she was reading, put down her knife and followed them. The study door was ajar, but the curtain was down; two pairs of facing shoes, the high heels standing on top of the others, were visible under the curtain. She spun around and went back to the kitchen. A few moments later, she heard Tang call out. “I’ll be going now, Liu Yue.” She watched as she walked out, not making a move to see her off.

After walking Tang out, Zhuang returned to the kitchen to help with the vegetables. He asked Liu Yue the price of pork. Without replying, Liu kept chopping noisily. “Be careful not to cut your hand,” Zhuang said, sensing that the girl was on to them. But he knew she would say nothing even if she was sure, so he let her be. Suddenly exhausted, he went to his room for a nap.

After finishing the fillings, Liu Yue thought about her own feelings for Zhuang, who had said so many nice things to her. But his heart, it appeared, was with Tang Wan’er. That was deflating. Then she told herself that Zhuang could have a relationship with her as easily as he had with Tang. But was she exaggerating her own importance, or was she thinking too much? She had rejected him once. Wasn’t that how Tang Wan’er got in ahead of her? Now she was angry with Wan’er.

“Shameless bitch,” she cursed silently. “Remembering to cook for Zhou Min after what you did!”

She came out to speak to Zhuang, and when she saw him napping, she speculated that they must have been engaged in something while she was out grocery shopping. If she had any evidence, she would tell Shimu. She went into the study but could find nothing suspicious, nothing but three sheets of writing paper. It was a love letter to “Dear Ah-xian” from “Meizi, who loves you.” She snickered at their correspondence. The letter had yet to be sent when the woman came over, so he must have shown it to her. A careful study of the significance of the code names revealed nothing, so she laid the sheets on the floor to make them look as if they had been blown off the desk by the wind, before walking out and closing the door behind her.

When Niu Yueqing came home from work, she told Liu to get Zhuang up for lunch.

“Zhuang Laoshi must be so engrossed in writing that he forgot the time. Why don’t you go get him?”

Greeted by an empty study, Niu Yueqing grumbled about the open window and the paper on the floor. Picking it up, she started reading and stood there until she finished. Liu Yue picked that moment to walk in.

“Time for lunch. Why are you sitting here? You don’t look too well.”

“Did you receive a letter today, Liu Yue?”

“No letter, but Wan’er came. Is something wrong?”

“No, I’m just curious,” Niu Yueqing said, as she put the letter in her pocket and went in for lunch. Liu Yue went to the bedrooms to call Zhuang and the old lady. When he came out and saw Niu Yueqing eating, he said, “You started without waiting for Mother?”

“Why wait for her? She may have to go begging one of these days.”

“You may have had a bad day out there, but don’t take whatever it is out on us.”

“Who am I taking it out on? Who’s there for me to do that to?”

Zhuang frowned at her unreasonable outburst. “You’re deranged.”

Slamming down her rice bowl, Niu Yueqing got up and stormed into the bedroom to cry. When her mother came out, she asked Liu Yue, “Did you do something to upset her?”

“Would I dare do that?”

“Then why are you crying?” The old lady scolded her daughter. “What kind of problems do you have? Everyone says this is a fine family, and if it falls short, it’s just that you don’t have children. Now even that’s not a problem, since your cousin has promised to give us one. Who knows, she might be pregnant already. Where there’s a sprout, it will surely grow, won’t it? The wind blows and a child grows. You have to start setting things up now, telling people you’re pregnant. Then no one will be the wiser when the time comes for the switch.”

“No more of that, please, Mother,” Zhuang said.

“What are you crying about, if not children? You have all the food, clothes, furniture, and status you could ask for right here. When I go out, people treat even me differently. Has Zhidie mistreated you? You’re still young, and yet he has hired a helper so you don’t have to trouble yourself with grocery shopping, cooking, and laundry. What do you have to cry about?”

“He’s so good to me,” Niu Yueqing said from the bedroom, “just wonderful. I slave for this family, do everything I can to protect it, but my sentiments can only warm his body, not his heart.”

“What’s the matter with you today?” Zhuang said. “Why are you spouting nonsense?”

“ I’m spouting nonsense? You know what the matter is.”

“I know what the matter is,” the old lady cut in. “You’re living in bliss, but you don’t know it. How can Zhidie not know you’re good to him? He just keeps it inside, so you won’t hear sweet talk from him.”

“He reserves all the nice things for others, so of course he has nothing for me.”

“Watch what you’re saying. I see with my own eyes that he works hard, entertaining guests when they come and sitting down to write the moment they’re gone. Doesn’t he do that to earn money and fame for your sake? With a foot injury like that, any other man would just lie around, but not him. He spent the whole morning in the study.”

“Sure, he can write. Of course he writes. Of course he’s not tired. Actually, writing energizes him,” Niu Yueqing said as her tears flowed, so enraging Zhuang that he put down his bowl and lay down on the sofa. Liu Yue went into the bedroom with food, but Niu Yueqing refused to eat, so she went to Zhuang Zhidie. He suspected her of saying something to his wife, so he snapped at her, “I don’t want anything. I’ve got a belly full of anger. Go eat by yourself.” Now Liu Yue was upset. She went into the old lady’s room to cry.

Silence hung heavily over the house that day and night. The next morning, when Zhuang got up, he recalled his plan to go see Ah-lan, so he went into the study for the letter. It wasn’t there. He asked Liu Yue about it. She pleaded ignorance. When Niu Yueqing came out of the bedroom, her hair uncombed, she said with a sneer, “Did you think things through during the night?”

“Think about what? I was too angry to think.”

“Of course you’re angry with me, Ah-xian,” Niu Yueqing said.

“Ah-xian? Who’s that?” Liu Yue asked.

“You have no idea how many pennames your Zhuang Laoshi has taken. And besides the pennames, he even took someone else’s name. Ah-xian, isn’t that sweet?”

“Where did you get a name like that, Zhuang Laoshi?”

It finally dawned on Zhuang that his wife had seen the letter, and why she had caused a scene the night before. His mind now at ease, he decided to make an issue of it. “So you’ve seen the letter?”