Jarett Kobek: I Hate the Internet

Erik Willems left Adeline standing at the corner of South Van Ness and 17th Street.

She wondered if he’d come back or if he was gone. She wondered if he’d left temporarily or if this was for forever.

In the past, Adeline had walked away from men on the street. In the past, other men had walked away from Adeline.

She was a MILF . She was kind of famous. She was rich. She was using the Internet.

She didn’t care. She decided to walk home.

Adeline hadn’t gotten farther than a block before she heard the sounds of a crowd. She looked across the street.

It was a large number of Latino youth. They were drunk and they were stoned and they were screaming. They were celebrating 2014.

She heard a bus pulling up opposite her.

It was a Google bus.

The door of the Google bus opened. A team of twenty engineers emerged.

They all sported Google Glass , a wearable computer built into eyeglasses. The principle virtue of Google Glass was that it allowed its wearers to record videos and thus act out their social inadequacies by alienating everyone around them.

Adeline made a clucking noise about the team of engineers wearing Google Glass. She thought that they looked simply absurd.

Then Adeline remembered she was still wearing 2014 on her face.

The engineers all wore matching t-shirts which read: GOOGLE GOES GAGA.

They were lead by a diminutive little man who wore black vinyl pants from the 1990s.

The little man pointed at the Latino youths.

The little man screamed.

This is what the little man screamed: “There stands a shaika of cheap stinking chip oils, O my droogies, let us meet them on battle field with chain and nozh and britva. Come up and tolchok these globby moodges and let spill their krovvy keeshkas!”

The lead engineer was speaking Nadsat. Nadsat was an imaginary dialect invented by Anthony Burgess for his dystopian Science Fiction novel A Clockwork Orange. This novel had been turned into one of the greatest films ever made.

In A Clockwork Orange, both the film and the book, teenagers speak Nadsat , a kind of criminal slang polyglot influenced by the penetration of subliminal Russian propaganda into popular culture.

Youth gangs in A Clockwork Orange speak Nadsat whilst they are rampaging in the streets.

The youth gangs go on the prowl in a search of the old ultraviolence .

The lead engineer screamed.

This is what he screamed: “Come on, you filthy rotting groodies. Come and get one in the yarbles, if you have any yarbles, you eunuch jelly thous!”

The Latino youths rushed towards the employees of Google.

The employees of Google rushed towards the Latino youths.

Above the din and clamor, just before the violence, Adeline’s cellphone vibrated.

Comes now a message someone sent her on Twitter.

This is what it said: “Drp slut… hope u get gang rape…. bi bunch, uv siphilis elegial aliens…………”

Comes now another message someone sent Adeline on Twitter.

This is what it said: “Bitch… im cumin 2 kill u… in San Francisco…”