Anna North - The Life and Death of Sophie Stark

If Sophie had never met me, though, she would’ve met someone else. There’s a lot I still don’t know about her, but I know she had a kind of greatness in her that was going to come out no matter what. She needed other people to help it come out, that’s true, but she didn’t need me. If she hadn’t been there that night, she’d still have been a famous director — the only difference is, she might still be alive.

“Sometimes,” I told Jacob. “Sometimes I wish we’d never met.”

But it wasn’t true. I knew I wouldn’t trade Sophie’s life for mine. I like my life too much. I often think it’s good things aren’t up to me.

We talked for another hour or so, and then Jacob went home and I sat drinking tea and thinking for a long time.

In the morning I knew what I wanted to do with Sophie’s ashes. I got them out of the closet, and I set them on the mantel next to the picture of Christian’s parents. When my daughter’s old enough, I want her to see them and ask about them. I want her to know where I came from.

This book wouldn’t exist without my agent, Julie Barer, whose advice has been essential every step of the way. Huge thanks also to Vanessa Kehren for her wise editing, and to Aileen Boyle, Eliza Rosenberry, and everyone at Blue Rider for making the book a reality. Thanks to Margot Livesey and everyone at the Sewanee Writers’ Conference for their help early on. For reading drafts and making them better, thanks to Amy Bonnafons, Sam Forman, Colin Shepherd, and Vauhini Vara. For helping me see the big picture, thanks to to Esmé Weijun Wang. Special thanks to Anna Kerrigan for all her help with the details of film and filmmaking, and to Leah Meyerhoff for offering her thoughts when the project was in its infancy. Thanks to my teachers and classmates at Stanford and the Iowa Writers’ Workshop, who shaped and continue to shape me as a writer. Thanks to my colleagues at Jezebel, BuzzFeed, Salon, and The New York Times for their support of my writing. Thanks always to my parents and my brother for their love and encouragement. Thanks to Toby for reading this so many times, and for everything else.