Stephen Dixon - Garbage

“You can’t use my phone.”

Something catches my eye at the window. Man’s behind it, ducks away. Seems like the one from before who also wore a dark suit and no hat. “Friend of yours?” pointing to the window.

“Who?”

“Sure, who. Mr. Peekaboo, I-see-you. I’ll use your phone all right. I’ll break your counter in if you don’t let me and smash your window too.”

“Please.”

“No more pleases either. Some creep calls up, gives you the password on me like Porky T, Freaky E and says a fellow creep will be watching at the window what you do and that’s supposed to be enough? Oh no, I’ve had it to here with them, so it also means with you. I want a new bowl of cereal, forget the spoon because I can use this one, and next my eggs turned over well-done and toast like I said and sausages and also a glass of milk. I want a cold glass of milk, all of which I’ll pay for and the cereal one-and-a-half times for and because I’m an old bartender I’ll leave a good tip.”

“I can’t. Now get out.”

“What’s the trouble, Irv?” a printer at the counter says. “Anything any of us can help you with?”

“No trouble,” I say. “It’s his business and mine and personal unless he wants to tell you just what it’s about. Irv won’t serve me because someone told him not to, that’s all I’ll say for now. Well screw Irv and you too if you butt in, because that’s how I feel. I feel lousy, angry, scrappy, the whole thing of it, everything, up to here, that’s how I feel. And I’ve money for what I want him to cook for me, so it’s not like I’m trying to cheat the guy either,” and I slap a five on the counter. “Now,” to Irv, “you giving me my cereal and eggs or not?”

“Nothing.”

“Then forget the police, what they do for me? And I’ll make the food myself.”

I go around the counter. Irv backs up all the way to the phone. Three printers stand up. “No,” Irv says, “let him have his fun, just so he gets out of here eventually.” Printers sit. I take a bowl off the shelf, plop a few serving spoons of cereal in from the pot, though I don’t want anymore, look in the refrigerator for a piece of fruit, find a banana on top of it and slice the banana into the cereal and add milk and eat. I finish it and take the bowl around the counter, stick it with the dirty dishes, dribble some grease on the grill, crack two eggs and throw them on, turn them over, burn my toast the way I like it, pour myself some coffee and put the toast, eggs and butter on a plate.

“Forget the sausages,” I say to Irv, “because I wouldn’t’ve been able to fit them in with all the cereal,” and I sit and eat and drink. “The milk. Could you get me a cold glass of one?” He stands there staring at me. “I’m too tired to get up again. No, I’ll get up, what am I making excuses for? Exercise will do me good and milk even better,” and I go around and get a milk carton out of the refrigerator and pour a glass.

Phone rings. I look at the window. No one’s there. Irv answers the phone and says “I know, I know…. Sure, on his way now,” and hangs up.

“Them again?”

“No, my wife.”

“Sure it is. She wants to know when I’m leaving. Tell her ‘now.’ How much?”

“Forget it I told you.”

“That was just for the first cereal and single coffee.”

“Don’t bother. I can take the loss.”

“The hell don’t bother. This five dollars do you?” He nods. “Great. Here’s another five for your trouble,” taking it out of my shirt pocket and putting it on top of the other on the counter. “Really, I’m sorry for giving you such a tough time but you made me mad. I’m not that sorry though and I don’t always act this way, but if I told you why you’d probably say you don’t understand.”

“Just get lost.”

I put on my coat and hat and walk out.

“And don’t do me any more favors with a return visit,” he says when the door’s shutting behind. I smile and wave at him. He gives me the curse sign with his hand. That man outside’s not around and I walk to the hotel.

“Never seen you back so late,” the nightclerk says.

“I’ll be checking out later today, so get my bill ready for the day clerk. Even if I can’t pay it in full now, I’ll get you the money in time and probably soon.”

“I should ask you to leave right now with that sort of proposition you’re offering, but you’ve had it rough enough lately so have a good sleep.”

“I appreciate that.”

“Hey, I’m not so bad and I’m feeling in a real generous mood today, maybe because of something good that happened to me. How about if I really got generous and sent you the new woman who checked in yesterday, compliments of me. She’s up, I just saw her. All I’m asking is if you could phone me later tonight—”

“I won’t be in the city.”

“Then by phone from wherever you are, even collect to me if you’re out of town, if she does it okay and was nice and sweet and no bitch. I heard bad words on her before she got here, and with me she’d only playact, so tell me this as a return favor and also, wherever you are to anyone, that I’m a nice guy.”

“You’re not worried about Stovin’s?”

“Who’s they?”

“Come on.”

“Hey, this is another part of town, so he can’t bother with us and we don’t with him.”

“Maybe he’s just trying to make sure through you I’m gone.”

“Believe me, I’m telling the truth, and your attitude the way to treat a gift?”

I go upstairs. Half-hour later when I’m tired of waiting and in bed and shade down and lights out thinking he was just pretending or had second thoughts about it because of all the money I owe the hotel or he got a call or whatever the case, someone knocks on my door. It’s her, she comes in, says hello, shakes my hand, looks around, says “This room is a lot nicer than mine. Maybe after you leave I’ll get it. Mind if I?” and I say “Sure,” and she undresses, is very pretty and has a beautiful body and young.

“Eric told you,” I say, “though I know it’s a little late to say this if he didn’t, that I don’t have the money to pay you, it’s all on him.”

“That was clear, don’t worry. Just move over so I can get in bed.”

We make love and for me at least it’s the best in my life, not so much the thrills but just nice. She isn’t hard, she smiles but it seems sincerely, says warm things and kisses as if she means it and she doesn’t seem dumb, she seems smart and is very clean. After it’s over I say “Excuse me,” go to the bathroom for a glass of water and she says “I hope you don’t smoke, for that’s the one thing I can’t take. By the way,” when I get back, “you were really great. I didn’t feel like you were just anyone, maybe because you’re not paying.”

“I know you’re only lying but that’s all right, I like to hear it.”

“No I’m not. Why would I?”

“Lots of reasons. And so what if you are. I said it’s all right.”

“You don’t want to believe me, don’t. Okay: you were the world’s worst,” and laughs.

“I’m sorry I said it then. You want a glass of water or something? A warm beer? Scotch?”

“No thanks.”

“Then I guess you want to go.”

“Eric didn’t tell you? He said for me to spend the whole morning if you wanted, also on him.”

“No, it’s all right.” When she gets up and starts dressing, I say “What am I talking about? Of course I want you to stay.”

“Good.”

I go to the bathroom for more water, come back to bed. She plays with me again and I try and almost do it but can’t and I say “Maybe I’m tired, which I should be, or just not used to it so much all in so short a time in one day,” and she says “That’s okay, you wouldn’t be the first. Goodnight.”