Bruce Wagner - I'll Let You Go

“You’re getting crazy.”

The soberest of smiles quickly normalized him. “Tull, you can’t think I’m serious.”

“Well, you seem awfully serious.”

A thoughtful intake of air, reminiscent of a politician reflecting on a benign opposing view. Then: “Tull, when can we meet — to discuss? There’s trouble around page 50—no, 63, 64—that I can’t put my finger on. Maybe up through 80 or 81—at least toward the end of the second act. You know: the limo driver’s ‘false crisis.’ It’s affecting the whole tone —”

“Maybe Saturday.”

He had surreptitiously skimmed Ralph’s latest draft of How to Marry a Billionaire , the po-mo screwball Notting Hill clone, and erred by making a few casual, goading observations — concise and lucid enough to convince the absurd, desperate writer that the boy was a savant.

When Ralph further pressed, Tull took the stairs, shouting, “On the weekend!”

The hallway was dark; the cracks around her bedroom door blazed. It was actually a child’s room of epic proportions — she’d grown up there — the only place his mother ever stayed while alighting from the colorful, ragtag rest-stops she sardonically called the Fourth World. Her son knew by name the drabber exotica of those faraway countries — Connecticut and Minnesota included — a landscape of famous rehabs and less famous halfway houses.

“Mother?”

Tull knew she couldn’t hear; he edged the door open and crept into a shambles of incense, perfume, cigarette smoke and discarded clothes. He made a beeline to her blasting Bose, still in its stylishly beat-up gray-cloth portable battery pack, and lowered the volume.

“Baby?” she called from the toilet.

“It’s me.”

Tull scrunched his face, ticcing it this way and that with the excitement and distress of being near her.

“Oh, baby . Would you turn the music back up?” He didn’t budge, struck dumb by the sheer smell of her. “Did you know you’re going to see Grandma after dinner? At Cedars.”

Trinnie swept into the room in trademark strands of Tahitian black pearls — otherwise nude as a peach — and gave a goony flasher’s grin. He looked away, frowning with the effort not to ogle. From the corner of his eye, he watched this creamy, high-voltage half-moon as it fished through mounds of couture — hand-painted satin-lined toile, copper-wire camisoles and furry capes, beaks of Blahniks peeking out from under like a dominatrix’s smothered chicks.

“What’s she in the hospital for?”

“Angioplasty. Catheter in the heart. Used to be a big deal, now it’s outpatient. But Bluey— dear Grandma Bluey has to have the celebrity suite at Cedars. She is obsessed.”

Usually she wore vintage suits, dark flues that ended in a glorious ignition of orange hair, even while working on her knees in clients’ gardens — but tonight she would sport a pale gray silk-faille jacket, Galliano for Dior, topped with a Steven Jones feathered hat that might have been the fanciful lid of a great and cordial eagle’s teapot. She was nearly forty, with her son’s cool Celtic skin and emerald-green eyes, the see-through lids subtly dilating just before she laughed, which was often. Trinnie tantalized. She was a stormy, beautiful, damaged thing and she was irresistibly his mother. Details of the ancient hurt — the death of his father — went assiduously unspoken, for all practicality expunged from the Histories. Tull was certain Grandpa Lou was part of the puzzle — he could tell by the way the old man watched her, the keen vigilance of his face reflecting back his daughter’s emotions. There was something inextricable about them. It was clear she was the only human being his grandfather had ever loved; nothing incesty about it, Tull knew that in his bones — only that rarest of rare things, an unconditional affection for her mind, her body, her blithe broken spirit.

“Lucy and Edward are here,” she said, while excavating a stiletto.

“Where are you going with Ralph?”

He acidly mispronounced the name, but she couldn’t have cared less. He loved her a little more for it.

“They’re raising money for CAT scans — for animals , can you believe? You know: when Kitty gets that titty lump or Fido has lymphoma. They care more about fucking animals than they do about people. I’ll give them animal,” she said, twirling around. “How’s this ?”

He finally turned — there the hell-raiser stood, tall and fabulous, arms righteously crossed beneath princessy sneer — Russian sable open just enough for a redundant, fiery wink of bush.

As he ran to his cousins, the child (for he was still a child) was ecstatically certain he could devise a way to keep her home forever. Yet each time he warmed himself to the thought, like a moth drawn to spectral mother’s flame, he was singed awake by the knowledge that there were no strategies to deploy — all was doomed. Like his grandfather, he was helpless and unmoored before her.

Lucy called out as she leapt from the shadowy pergola and dashed to the maze, Pullman barking furiously from within. Tull strode to the topiary sundial, where, on a granite bench at ten o’clock, sitting Buddha-like in his titanium body brace, was the most mysterious, most admirable, bravest, brilliantest creature he knew he would ever meet: his ten-year-old cousin Edward.

He wore a sort of embroidered pillowcase on his head, as if hiding a cockeyed bolster, its open edge ending beneath the nose so that only his lips, with their funky mob of yellowish teeth, were revealed. The jaw jutted like a thirties movie tough’s — too much bone. A slick bar of light metal rose from his collar, and the chin, with a scintilla of scar where a nurse had once dropped him, sat stalwart in its rubber rest (the neck alone would not have supported the outsize skull). Cutout holes for the eyes, lined in silk or leather, varied in shape and size. Edward designed each hood himself and was much praised for his efforts.

It excited Tull to see him. As usual, he was eager to gauge his cousin’s mood.

“What’s happening?”

Edward shrugged, pursing his mouth à la Early Cher.

“He’s upset with Trinnie,” said Lucy with the smugness of an off-duty medium.

The self-described bespectacled “girl detective” had the lambent cheeks of Aunt Trinnie, who, incidentally, had long ago taught her how to weave her hair into mandala-like plaits. Almost thirteen now, she had never trimmed a lock; today, braids dangled down to non-hips.

“I’m upset with your mother,” Edward said.

“You are? I mean, really?”

The gangster-cousin mouth roiled and twisted.

“She didn’t do it for spite, Edward,” said his sister. “Anyhow, the world doesn’t revolve around you— it revolves around me! Didn’t you get the memo?” Lucy tittered as her brother coughed up a snigger. Tull smiled; if Edward was sniggering, things couldn’t be so bad.

“Well, what did she do?” asked Tull.

“It’s the maze ,” said Lucy.

“What about it?”

“He’s just amazed with it!”

Edward folded his arms outside the thin bar of the brace and glared. “It isn’t a maze, it’s a labyrinth. There’s a difference.”

“Ah! So solly.”

“A maze has tricks and dead ends. A true labyrinth’s only dead end is the center.”

Pullman shot from the hedge and lay down at the sundial, where he stretched and shivered. Lucy took a seat in Edward’s custom golf cart; with fringed canopy and fat white tires, it looked a little like a time machine — half-buggy, half-lunar mod. She put her hands on the wheel.