Bruce Wagner - Dead Stars

Now comes the part where all of us walked — a whole mob! — to the GLEE soundstage, and it is incredibly dreamlike and like a dream. When we enter, it seems like the soundstage is a DARK MAZE but we keep walking, one of my hands is in that of MICHAEL DOUGLAS, the other hand is in that of RYAN THE CREATOR, I am in-between them and following them as if it is a dark, dark jungle, and when finally we emerge into the cave of the GLEE club set, all heads & eyes turn, and the creator Ryan is instantly applauded, which is what happened ANY time he danes come to set, because without RYAN THE CREATOR they would all be nothing.

And now, he stands in their midst quieting them.

“Guys and dolls,” he says, “I would like you to meet someone VERY special, someone I have been TELLING you about for at least 2 weeks, ever since the Academy Awardwinning actor MICHAEL DOUGLAS informed me of her by email, Twitter, Skype & the telephone. She is 4 foot ten & a real hero. She happens to be, currently, the OFFICIALLY youngest known SURVIVOR of breast kancer in the United States and the world. Please give it up for the latest addition to the GLEE club: Telma Belle Ballendyne!

{and then the applause, not just from Tina & Rachel & Finn & Kurt & Brittana, Artie & Becky the mongol, Blaine & Quinn & Will & Mercedes, Santana Puck Coach Shannon & Chord Overstreet and The GLEE PROJECT Damian Samuel Lindsay & Alex, and Oscarwinning GWYNETH PALTROW & Mr. John Stamos & too many to mention but all of the little people who cook the food for the craft service and do the makeup and camerawork and build the sets and the awardwinning CHOREOGRAPHY of which much of the show’s success is based on. & there is my mom standing back and smiling, she has been there all the time, and her face is wet with tears, for a minute I feel bad that I wasn’t even thinking of her so swept away was I in the magic of this dream — my Mommy, who is my best friend, so kind & sweet & knowing enough to let her daughter have her as Nicki Minaj sang “moment

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life.”

How far I — WE— have come! From kancer to GLEE, from hervivor & hero

——

hervivor Moms were heroes too

. . . . . . …

——then RYAN THE CREATOR is saying that he hates to tell me this without proper notice (except as it turned out, he DID already tell my mom), We are shooting your first episode as a full-time cast member of GLEE, & do you happen to know the song ‘Smile (While Your Is Breaking?)’, which of course I did so happen to, having sung it at the “Topeka Convention Center” & on “Weekend Edition” & even with Kourtney Kardashian duetting on Khloé’s birthday (for which I was paid $25,000 for my services, of which 100 % of said fee went straight to the Telma’s Warriors Scholarship Fund), I just HAPPENED to know the song FRONTWARDS & BACK!!! I even still to this day sing myself to sleep by it—& suddenly I hear a voice, the voice of an ANGEL singing the very song & it takes me a few moments to realize…. The person whose voice I hear is MY OWN!!!!!!! It’s ME who is singing, like a bird, without even knowing I had BEGUN.

And the beautiful set that they constructed starts to move and kind of crack open & I find myself still singing but standing upon a MOVING RUNWAY, and yet still never do I break my singing stride…. & I am dancing too!!! (I catch sight of myself in a mirror and magically, I am of a sudden in the MOST beautiful tuxedo, and I am wearing a derby and carrying a long black Kane. . .)

Smile tho yr is aching

Smile even though it’s breaking*

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— are those real tears? coming from amongst Awardwinning cast&camera&lighting crew? Are those real tears coming not just from my Mom, but from Academy Awardwinning MICHAEL DOUGLAS and Emmywinning CREATOR RYAN MURPHY and Academy Awardwinning GWYNETH PALTROW? All are frozen in positions and staring, at me, TELMA, (and how I am so very honored) there seems to be to my eye 100 people at least all told, Artie is standing now beside his wheelchair, having said he is embarrassed to be a pretender while the real thing, future Emmy and Oscarwinning TELMA BELLE BALLENDYNE’s right there in front of him (how sweet!!!) he says outloud that it is now MY time it is now MY turn to take the throne, mettaforically to speak of, because of course I am not “handicapped” as the world considers the term to be, for example I am not wheelchair bound, but I am Kancervived, with all the Dignity, Hardships & uncertanties that go along… & even the Mongol seemed to grasp what was happening before hers and everyone’s eyes, Becky the Down Mongol was born a hero, & standing there seems to grasp that she has already been recriuted into Telma’s Troopers not RYAN THE CREATOR’s. A tender button on the GLEE soldier’s pea coat, the downy Mongol was a felt punchline who would never EVER be abused by Sue Sylvester, & sweetly funny too, whether the downed Mongol could voice it or not she could SENSE and FEEL that Telma, dancing & singing before her, was the real thing, a bonafied outsider like herself, the 2 of them left Artie the pretend-cripple in the dust. ….

All watched me in mid-song & dance in my Badgely Mischka tux, (I got the spelling right because I copied it from a magazine!!!) all still frozen in Show Business Time, but I kept singing & would not have been aware of the OTHER voice if a HUGE GASP & mass swivelling of eyes had not cued me.

I turn… & it is—— JUSTIN BIEBER, singing smile though your is xxxxxxx, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx-------he is walking toward me, and my knees are SHAKING!!! but I can see clearly that JUSTIN is an Old Soul just like me, and I don’t wait for him to approach ME but am BOLDLY approaching HIM until we are SO CLOSE that our NOSES almost TOUCH

That’s xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx*

Smile, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx?

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And OMG when we finish you could hear a pin drop!!! JUSTIN kisses my cheek then touches my forehead with his forehead, & this dear Diary is when the audience can hold it no longer, there are many LOUD SIGHS followed by LITTERALL CRYING & APPLAUS, and JUSTIN BIEBER is bowing, he beckons me to follow his lead, he has taken my hand in his, someone through flowers to me, a WHOLE BOOQKAY but it hits JUSTIN by mistake!!!!! There is so much laughter from MICHAEL DOUGLAS and RYAN MURPHY, CREATOR, and HIS WIFE CATHERINE and GWYNETH and BRITTANY S. PIERCE and then more sighs as he (JUSTIN) gentlemanly presents the bouquet to his partner, ME, TELMA, hervivor, the creator Ryan turning now saying Thank You JUSTIN BIEBER…. & Thank You MICHAEL DOUGLAS & Thank You CATHERINE & GWYNETH————but most of all we must thank GOD for the newest ADDITION to the GLEE FAMILY, Miss TELMA BELLE BALLENDYNE & while the applause continued, JUSTIN whispered, “TELMA, come let me give you a ride home in my SWAG-filled Range Rover, and we

. .

For whatever reason, they hadn’t been left a drive-on. The gate opened and Gwen was directed to park in a makeshift holding area, so as not to further impede the already slow-moving line of studio visitors. Gwen said shit under her breath, still (forever) reeling/keening/plexus-punched from the obscene news, already on morbid nauseating countdown in her head as to when she is going to tell her daughter she’d been mutilated more or less on a whim, victim of extreme preventive care, they tore into that precious healthy body like wolves, their teeth were needles of every gauge, needles & clamps & forceps & retractors & scissors & saws & hooks & ligatures, fun and games at Dachau Children’s Hospital, St. Ambrose Frankenstein Family Pediatric Care Center — Gwen basically on countdown of as-yet unknown duration, she didn’t want to deprive Telma of her Glee moment. We’ll visit the set, then after, or maybe before she goes to bed, or maybe the next day, I’ll tell her we have an appointment with Phoebe, Phoebe, as of the last few hours, now privy to the situation, had to be. Gwen wanted to tell her daughter in the safety of a therapeutic environment , just in case (who knew) she had a nutso reaction, which she really felt was doubtful though Gwen had one herself— she’ll have a lovely day on the Glee set (if we ever get our frickin parking pass), maybe a few more lovely days, maybe a whole lovely (comparatively) week before—– SHIT the gal at Ryan Murphy’s office or someone forgot to leave a pass shit shit SHIT isn’t that perfect?