Mark Haddon - The Red House

Then she was back in the present again, Daisy’s hands moving as if she were fending someone off in a dream. Angela got to her feet and stood beside the bed. She touched the side of Daisy’s head and waited till she was calm again, then retucked the duvet and left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.

♦

He was sitting on the edge of the bed. She was standing leaning against the chest of drawers with her arms folded. This is not about you, Richard . She closed her eyes to regather her thoughts. I don’t know who I am, sometimes. I’m not sure I’ve ever known. I’ve tried so hard to please other people, my parents, Craig, Melissa, you. I listen to your music, I go to your plays, I watch your films. And it’s not your fault. I chose to be the person who fits in with your life .

Are you saying you don’t want to be married to me?

I’m saying …What was she saying? She was saying, Let me think . She was saying, Give me space . Just for once she wasn’t rushing to reassure him. Perhaps he was right, perhaps she didn’t want to be married to him. She wanted to turn this extraordinary idea over in her hand, like a shell she’d found on the beach, run her fingers over it, knowing that she might very well simply put it down again. I’m saying I need to get some sleep. I’m saying we both need to get some sleep .

Daisy put the milk back into the fridge, closed the door quietly and picked up the mug. When she turned to leave the kitchen, however, Melissa was standing in the doorway. Coffee slopped out of the mug onto the stone floor. Please. I just…

Melissa refused to move, she pushed her hands deep into the pockets of her hoody and rocked forward onto the balls of her feet as if this had to be squeezed out. I’m sorry about yesterday .

The apology was so unexpected that Daisy didn’t know how to reply.

I just blurted, OK? I didn’t think .

It doesn’t matter. Really. I just need to go back to my room .

Wait . Melissa was angry. This had cost her and she wanted that cost acknowledged. It’s fine being gay. I’m not prejudiced .

I’m not gay . Daisy realised too late how loud her voice was. She paused, listening carefully, terrified that someone else might be in the dining room. Her hands were shaking. She put the mug down. Please. I don’t want to talk about this .

Yeh, well maybe you should .

A sudden stab of utter loneliness. Melissa was the only one who knew, there was no one else she could tell. Daisy reached out towards her. I need you to be my friend . She wanted to be held but she couldn’t say the words.

Cool it, lady , said Melissa.

Daisy saw herself standing in the kitchen, arms outstretched like a cartoon zombie. She’d made an idiot of herself for a second time. She threw herself through the doorway, pushing Melissa aside. She heard Melissa say, You are so spectacularly fucked up , then she was in the hallway and running up the stairs.

♦

Abergavenny. Originally Gorbannia . Alex turned the page. A Brythonic word meaning ‘river of the blacksmiths ’.

Brythonic?

Of, or appertaining to the Britons .

What happened to your hand?

Alex glanced casually at his knuckles. Mucking about with that roller in the shed . He’d practised the explanation in advance. Lucky my fingers are still attached .

Dominic had taken over the guidebook. It sits between two mountains, Sugar Loaf and Blorenge .

Blorenge?

Richard appeared in the doorway. Alex hid his damaged hand under the table. Richard walked past and patted his shoulder and Alex thought, Fuck you .

Baron de Hamelin , said Dominic. Tree of Jesse. Blah-blah. Goat’s hair periwigs. Rudolf Hess .

Are you making this up?

Scout’s honour .

Benjy came in with his bowl of Deliciously Nutty Crunch and sat next to Dominic, squishing in close because he still felt bruised by his fears of last night which had not been banished entirely by the daylight.

Hey, kiddo .

Incidentally, has anyone seen Daisy this morning?

Nope .

Melissa?

What?

Have you seen Daisy this morning?

She came down to get some coffee. She seemed in kind of a weird mood .

I’ll pop up and see how she is .

Hey. The town hosted the British National Cycling Championships. 2007 and 2009 .

Paris of the West .

Now, don’t be bitchy .

I’ll be back in an hour , said Richard, chugging a glass of water. I’ll grab a quick shower and we can all be off .

Enjoy .

Don’t get lost , said Alex.

♦

He was determined not to return home having spent so much money without running properly, plus he needed to be alone for a while. It wasn’t just Louisa. If he’d hit Alex…Would there have been a better way of alienating every single person in the house? He needed to step back and get some distance.

Squatting on the slate path that led from the front door to the iron gate he yanked the tongues of the trainers and double-knotted the laces. The air was damp but somehow clearer and more transparent this morning. The deep greens of the foliage. You didn’t get this in a city, the way the light changed constantly. He walked over to the wall and put each foot up in turn, leaning forward to stretch his hamstrings. The house looked like an extension of the landscape, the stone quarried from Welsh hills, the rafters from a forest you might very well be able to see from the top of the dyke, the moss, the rust, the burst blisters of weathered paint a record of its passage through time and weather, like the scars and barnacles on a tanker’s hull.

He would jog up the road, walk the steepest part of the hill and start running again when he was past the Red Darren car park, conserve his energy this time instead of wasting it in a private show of failed machismo. He checked his watch. 9:17. Looking around he was both disappointed and relieved that no one was watching as he set off.

♦

Dominic walked past the door of the living room and saw Melissa sitting on the sofa. He went in and stood beside her. She was drawing the little side table. Whenever you saw Melissa drawing a picture you were meant to say how good it was and she was meant to brush the compliment off. She refused to acknowledge his presence. What happened to Daisy yesterday?

I have no idea what you’re talking about .

Of course you have .

I thought she was ill . She was relishing the confrontation.

You’re lying .

That’s a pretty serious accusation. I hope you’ve got evidence to back it up .

Who is more likely to be telling the truth, you or Daisy? In his own way he was enjoying this, too.

She laughed. That is quite funny. In the circumstances .

Don’t bugger about. Something happened yesterday and it hurt Daisy a great deal and Daisy means more to me than anyone in the world .

Melissa put her pen down and turned to look up at him. You don’t want to know, trust me .

Trust you?

Seriously, you do not want to know .

Try me .

She leant back and exhaled. She’s a lesbian . She said the word as three distinct syllables.

What?

She tried to get her tongue down my throat. Which is not my bag, I’m afraid .