Rupert Thomson - Dreams of Leaving

The priest could hardly tell Peach that he had it on very good authority (from the doctor himself, in fact) that the Chief Inspector’s wife was incapable of having children. He gave way, and was moved (the police transported his furniture) to a pleasant if characterless house on the far side of the village green. The roles of church and state were set for Peach’s reign.

George had slackened his pace. He now stood at the entrance of Peach’s driveway. Lights showed in all the windows. A murmur of voices reached George’s ears. Some kind of party, it seemed, was in progress.

In order to peer through the living-room window, George had to part the sticky tentacles of a rose-bush and clamber up on to an ornamental stone mushroom. Inch by inch, he raised his face to the level of the sill.

The entire police force of New Egypt had assembled inside the room. Peach stood with his back to a log fire, his lower lip glistening, possibly with sherry. His wife moved among the officers with a tray of cocktail sausages and canapés. Firelight flickered on thick blue cloth. As George watched, Peach raised a hand.

‘Gentlemen, your attention, please.’ He took a pace forwards, hands clasped behind his back. ‘Before we proceed any further, I’d like to make sure that we’re all here. Sergeant Dolphin?’

Dolphin, with his schoolboy’s face and his bully’s torso, flush from his recent triumph over the greengrocer, took up position beside Peach and produced a clipboard and pen. He began to call out names, the names George knew off by heart.

‘Arson?’

‘Present.’

‘Blashford?’

‘Yes.’

‘Caution?’

‘On duty,’ somebody said. ‘In the station.’

Dolphin noted the information down. Then he proceeded. ‘Damage?’

‘Here, sergeant.’

George was gazing, mesmerised. He had never suspected Peach of using roll-calls. A small detail, granted, but one that might have found its way into the book, had he known about it.

Dolphin, meanwhile, had reached F.

‘Fisher?’

‘Night patrol,’ a voice called out.

‘Fox?’

‘Present.’

Now laughter erupted as PC Grape said, ‘Here, sergeant,’ before Dolphin had time to call his name. Grape had something of Peach about him. He was reputed to possess a sixth sense that meant he could hear what people were thinking. George had the feeling that Grape would one day play an important part in thwarting some poor villager’s dream of escape.

‘Hawk-Sniper?’

‘Yes.’

‘Hazard?’

‘Here.’

The collar of George’s coat suddenly lifted in the wind. He glanced over his shoulder. He hoped to God that he couldn’t be seen from the road.

Dolphin’s voice droned on. ‘Marlpit?’

‘— esh. I mean, yes, sergeant.’

George whinnied. Marlpit had been caught with a mouthful of sausage.

‘Peach?’

‘I’m here, sergeant.’

A ripple of amusement. Sycophants, George thought.

‘Pork?’

‘Yes.’

‘Savage?’

‘He’s still sick, sergeant,’ Marlpit said, his mouth now cleared of sausage.

Furtive grins. Savage had shot himself in the foot during rifle-practice earlier in the week.

‘Twinn, C?’

‘Present.’

‘Twinn, D?’

‘He’s on night patrol,’ came the nasal whine of Colin, Twinn D’s brother.

‘Thank you, Twinn. Ulcer?’

‘Yes.’

‘Vassall?’

‘Here, sergeant.’

‘Voltage?’

‘Here.’

In listening to this roll-call, George began to realise just how many police officers New Egypt employed. Of course, he knew. But it was the difference between knowing there’s a lot of sand on the beach and counting the individual grains one by one. So far there had been six absentees and still the room heaved with blue cloth. A claustrophobia of truncheons and boots. And the names seemed to go on for ever.

‘Wilmott?’

‘Yes, sergeant.’

‘Wragge?’

‘Night patrol,’ somebody called out.

Dolphin tucked his clipboard under his arm. Thanking his second-in-command, Peach moved forward again. He pushed his lower lip out and back, a signal that he was about to speak.

‘We’re here, as you know, to celebrate the arrival of a consignment of new APRs,a one of which,’ and he stepped across to the shrouded figure by the bookcase and with a conjuror’s flourish snatched off the dustsheet, ‘we’re lucky enough to have with us tonight.’

A muted roar of surprise and approval, for the figure was an exact replica of the Chief Inspector. Right down to the drooping eyelids and the jutting lower lip.

Peach laid a fond hand on his double’s shoulder. ‘I thought we’d put him outside the priest’s bedroom window.’

A burst of raucous laughter. Everybody knew that the priest was terrified of Peach.

‘Now, as I said,’ Peach moved on, ‘we have something to celebrate here tonight. And celebrate we will. But first, if you’ll bear with me, there are one or two — ’

George suddenly found himself lying on his back in the flower-bed. An undignified position, and one that he was, for a moment, at a loss to explain. Then he looked up and saw four policemen outlined against a sky of weak and distant stars. The night patrol. Fisher, Twinn (Daniel), Hack and, closer than the rest, the sickly leering face of Wragge.

‘Well, well.’ Wragge drew his pale ridged lips back over his teeth. They looked like anchovies, his lips. His breath, as if by association, stank of fish. ‘Mr Highness.’

George lay motionless, the wind knocked out of his body. His cheek stung where it had torn on a rose-bush as he fell. Wragge removed his foot from George’s wrist and, stepping backwards, jerked his head. George, shakily, stood up.

They led him, arms pinioned, through the front door, past Mrs Peach’s fluttering hands, and into the room where her husband was making his speech. George would never forget the quality of the silence that greeted him. The silence of policemen. Wall to wall. Tight as a rack.

‘Mr Highness, sir,’ Wragge announced. ‘We found him spying.’

Peach lifted his heavy eyelids. ‘Spying, Wragge?’

‘Looking through the window, sir.’

The silence tightened a notch. George hung his head. A tic pulsed in the delicate skin under his left eye.

Something quieter than outrage or contempt had taken possession of Peach’s features. Something quieter, but equally threatening.

‘I think, Mr Highness,’ he said, ‘that you had better come to my study.’

A snigger from Hazard.

‘If you’ll excuse me.’ Peach was addressing his officers now. ‘This won’t take long.’

‘I ought to be getting home,’ George said. His voice cracked in mid-sentence; it had broken by the end.

Soft exhalations from many of the policemen moved like a draught through the warm room.

‘Not just yet,’ Peach said, almost kindly. Pressing a firm hand into the small of George’s back, he guided him towards the door.

George had never set foot in the Chief Inspector’s house before — it was a privilege usually reserved for police officers — but in his utter humiliation he noticed nothing.

Peach closed the study door behind them. ‘The police are very excited,’ he remarked.

George touched his cheek with the sleeve of his coat. ‘Naturally,’ he said. ‘New security measures.’

Peach beamed. Taking the leather armchair on the left of the fireplace, he waved George to the one on the right.

‘Yes, well,’ he said, ‘it’s an important occasion. A milestone of sorts. I thought I’d give a small party. There’s nothing like a party to lift morale — ’

George let him talk. His mind drifted.

When he began to listen again, Peach’s voice seemed to have moved closer, though the distance between them hadn’t changed.