Benjamin Hale - The Evolution of Bruno Littlemore

I must have made a noise of some sort then, or a movement, or else the girl sensed she was being watched, because her head snapped toward the pile of stuffed animals under which I lay buried. Perhaps she thought she had heard something and looked, but wasn’t sure what she was looking for amid the jumble of stuffed animals heaped up in the corner of the cottage. Her eyes scanned searchingly over the animals until she was staring fixedly in my direction. I blinked. She screamed.

She shivered involuntarily, jumped up in terror, shrieked, and so on. Now, the throat of a little human girl is acoustically unique in this world for the sheer hyperbolic qualities of the sound of which it’s capable: so long in duration, so deafening in volume, so piercing in pitch! I had to clap my palms over my ears lest my exploded eardrums further bloody her stuffed animals (I had already bled on them some), and in the process of clapping my hands to the sides of my head — such that I resembled the central of the Three Wise Monkeys — my flailing arms upset the pile of stuffed animals, sending them flying in all directions, and also revealing myself from the waist up — and, upon seeing me, the girl’s bright eyes waxed all the wider in fear, and she screamed all the louder. Then she shut her mouth, and the screaming ceased.

“Do not be afraid!” I said, trying, I suppose, to sound powerful but benevolent, like the voice of an angel appearing before a mortal. She wasn’t buying it. She threw down her cigarette and bolted for the door. I leapt after her from my makeshift nest, stuffed animals bouncing and scattering all over the little pink room. Her hand was already on the heart-shaped doorknob when I intercepted her. I grabbed her waist and covered her mouth with my hand, which she then, with astonishing ferocity, bit. I suppose I understand, for I’m no innocent when it comes to using my teeth to get out of a tight spot. However, it certainly did hurt, and I bellowed out in pain, but did not release her. She kicked and squirmed in my arms, hitting me with her elbows and trying to kick my shins with the heels of her shoes.

“Please don’t be afraid! Please, please don’t! I won’t hurt you.”

She was weeping now in fear, wailing, thrashing in my arms. I dragged her backward into the room toward the fluffy pile of animals in which I’d been sleeping, and shoved her down while grabbing her arms and holding them pinioned together behind her back. I quickly inspected my hand: she had left a puffy bite mark in the flap of flesh between my forefinger and thumb.

“You’re a monster!” she screeched. I did not try to correct her.

“Please help me. I mean no harm,” I said.

I was still holding her arms behind her, though, with her head buried in the stuffed animals, and when she spoke her words were muffled: “Are you gonna rape me?”

“No!” I said, with a gasp of offense.

“Then why the fuck were you hiding naked in my playhouse?”

“I was lost and hurt and cold!”

“Why naked?”

“Because I have no clothes! They were taken from me!”

She quit struggling beneath me. I loosed my grip on her arms.

“Please don’t scream or run away,” I said. I slowly stood up. As I did, I seized a stuffed zebra, and modestly held it over my genitals. The girl slowly rose to her feet, too. She did not run this time, but backed cautiously away from me. I edged myself nearer to the door to prevent her from escaping, while clutching the zebra to my crotch.

“Who the fuck are you?” she said. “Are you like, some weird midget or something?”

“I’m shocked to hear such coarse language issue from such a young mouth!”

“I’m four teen , dickwad.”

This information immediately injected into my heart an added affinity for her — for I too was in my fourteenth year. She caught my eyes asking visually at our surroundings.

“This is all my baby shit from when I was a kid. This was my Little Princess Playhouse.”

“Please—,” I said, still obscuring my groin with the stuffed zebra. “I need help. I need some clothes, at least. It was never my intention to appear indecent before you.”

“So are you a midget, or what?”

“In a sense, yes.”

“God, you are so weird-looking.” She stepped closer to me, her fear quelled.

“I’m sorry if I frightened you,” I said.

“ Jesus , I thought you were gonna rape me. You’re all bloody! What happened?”

“I had to climb over a barbed-wire fence.”

“Are you in trouble?”

“Much.”

She noticed that the cigarette she had dropped had landed in her teacup, and was still burning. She picked it up, pincered between her fingers, dragged on it, and stabbed it out in the bottom of the cup.

“Okay, come inside,” she said. “But my mom gets home at five thirty. You have to be gone by then.”

I said “Thank you” again and again until she shushed me, and then I was silent.

She led me out of the pink plastic cottage and across the lawn. I did not know how long I had been asleep. Over the course of the day — if indeed this was the same day on which I’d fallen asleep — gray clouds had smothered the sun and a few snowflakes fluttered to the earth like ash. The girl rolled open the sliding glass door to the massive house, where a tiny yellow dog was bouncing up and down at us, frantic with yapping.

“Shaddup!” she roared at it, and the little dog skittered out of sight in a diminuendo of whimpers. The girl led me through the opulent interior of the house: through a kitchen, up a long flight of curving stairs, down a hallway, through a door, and into a bedroom. She closed the door behind us.

“Wait here,” she commanded. I stood there, still self-consciously holding the stuffed zebra to my genitals, as she fled from the room and shut the door behind her. The room was decorated in a style similar to the Little Princess Playhouse: painted all around in that slightly nauseating shade of medicinal pink, with white trim. The room was large and featured a four-poster bed with a drooping canopy of diaphanous gauze. Piled up on the bed was a small ziggurat of yet more stuffed animals. More of those rubber effigies of beautiful blond women lay strewn about the room, and a caravan of unrealistically colored plastic ponies cantered, hooves frozen in midstep, across the windowsill. The ponies seemed to wear coy expressions. A dollhouse sat on the floor, bisected and winged open at the hinges to allow an exploded view of its interiors. This and other residues of girlhood furnished the room, but this was a room, like its inhabitant, in a state of transition: I could see the girl’s burgeoning adolescence taking over the décor, the plastic ponies and dolls and stuffed animals reluctantly giving way to tacked-up posters displaying the countenances of the stars of popular music and contemporary cinema — of beautiful young men with wet hair falling tousled in their faces, and of beautiful young women in states of semidress looking down upon us from the walls through eyes heavy-lidded and viscous with sex. As I looked upon the two stages of the girl’s life represented in the changing décor — childhood and adolescence — I realized that the transition was not jarring, but actually a thematically fluid one. The languorous sex-sodden eyes of the women that she tacked to her walls for fastidious emulation were already there, in the heads of these female dolls left over from early girlhood — and indeed, strangely, even in the eyes of the ponies. The rubber effigies of beautiful naked women I had seen lacked sexual parts (like angels!) merely because they were there to represent an idea prior to the exposition of the specifics . Viewed in this context, all the trappings of the first stage — childhood — were not so innocent or so sexless, but rather, could be seen as all part of a careful preparation for the next.