Justin Tussing - Vexation Lullaby

“Do you know what a wedding costs?”

“You’re not thinking about getting married again, are you?”

“I was thinking about Gabby.”

She punches me lightly on the arm. “I realize that.”

“It would be nice if I could help out. She wouldn’t expect that.”

“Make sure you like the guy.”

“I haven’t even met him.”

“You told me.”

The streets are crowded with people basking in the weather.

I spot the sign for a DoubleTree hotel. Whenever I see the logo I can’t help but see an endorsement of lesbianism (they’re supposed to be trees, I realize):

What would the McDonald’s manager say about that?

“Look, it’s my hotel,” Rosalyn says.

It turns out she booked a room last night; she had Hilton points, or whatever they’re called, because of her job. That I’d driven us right to the place, Rosalyn believes, is further evidence of our fated journey. After parking, I carry her bag in.

At the desk, Rosalyn turns to me and asks, “Arthur, do you need to use the bathroom, or the Ethernet connection?”

In fact I could use both — but my most pressing need is for a little bit of space. She probably feels the same. So, after making dinner plans, I drive around the corner to a café that offers decaf and free Internet.

Last night’s show has the online world in a tizzy. On CrossTracks someone started a thread: Pittsburgh: Best. Set. Ever. A guy claiming to have a recording from the soundboard is soliciting bids: he’s been offered a case of Burgundy as well as the right to choose the middle name of a girl due in November. LapisAzuli complains that ever since the show she hasn’t been able to tolerate any sort of noise — her cat’s purring, cars driving past her house, her husband’s voice.

But was it an extraordinary show? ActuaryGary insists that the setlist was only one deviation from standard mean. That leads Gumbosian, a consumer-habits pollster, to take issue with Gary’s methodology — ActuaryGary computed the frequency of the various songs, but failed to factor in the likelihood that they’d be played together. By Gumbosian’s calculations, Pittsburgh represented a 1 in 16,238 event — Gary then concedes that he might have oversimplified the math, possibly to take the sting out of the fact that he wouldn’t be seeing Cross until Chicago and he didn’t want disappointment to be a foregone conclusion.

More than fifteen hours have passed since anyone has added anything to the threads about me. The last entry, posted right before Cross took the stage: “Either these are the trippiest mushrooms I’ve ever eaten, or Pennyforger has a couple women hanging on him.”

I GO THROUGH my emails.

Neil Young Guy checked in: “Did you hear? Neil Young has a tour bus that runs on methane; it gets 500 miles on one Cross CD.” Plus, “Neil Young inspired Pearl Jam; Jimmy Cross inspired the ‘pearl necklace.’”

An acquaintance in Chile, claiming to have contacts in the entertainment industry there, tells me that Cross’s management is planning to be in South America next July, more or less on schedule. According to his sources, Cross has tentative dates in Santiago, Lima, Córdoba, Buenos Aires, Santa Cruz de la Sierra, and Caracas. Nothing in Brazil, supposedly, but one can’t read too far into rumors. If Cross will be in South America next summer, I should probably bone up on my Spanish.

Dear Mr. Pennyman,

My name is Jay’Den Delacroix. I am a student in Ms. Weatherby’s 7th-grade World History class in Passaic, New Jersey. We have been learning about how we communicate today and what gets taken for granted. There’s a project paper we got to write. My original idea was Morse Code, but Ms. Weatherby said no.

She thought I should write you because you are supposed to be some expert on Jim Cross and he is a historical figure who lived through big changes in tech. Please answer these questions or I’ll fail.

How has technology changed Jim Cross?

Are these changes for the good or bad?

What would Jim Cross say about the Internet?

Thank you SO much.

Your friend,

Jay’Den

Dear Jay’Den,

First: Cross is still very much living, and, like all of us, he continues to adapt to changes in technology.

When I first started following Cross, the CD was new — people thought it might be a fad. The only people I knew with cell phones were doctors! If I wanted to make plane reservations, I needed to contact a travel agent. Oops, you asked how technology has changed Jimmy and I’ve gone off talking about myself. I guess the best answer is that technology has changed him completely and not at all. So far, his lyrics haven’t mentioned Google, iPods, the Walkman, laptops, cell phones, Facebook, or anything else that seems especially current. He does mention records (like vinyl LPs and EPs — ask Ms. Weatherby), radio, rockets, electric keyboards, biplanes (in an ironic context; he’s not that old), and television (if yours is the computer generation, mine was the TV generation).

This is a tricky question. You called me an expert on the musician, but I think the truth is that I’m expert at listening to his music and, maybe to a lesser degree, at being a fan of his music. So what do I think? I think that those of us who listen to his music probably have ambivalent feelings about changes in tech. For one thing, change is always bittersweet. The world doesn’t change without changing us. I drove a car with a 4-speed manual transmission and a tape deck to the hospital where my daughter was born; I called my parents collect on a pay phone (again, ask Ms. Weatherby) to let them know they had become grandparents. Bittersweet. Can you imagine that one day you’ll have similar feelings for your cell phone or whathaveyou?!

Here, finally, I can offer you something concrete. In 2002 Der Spiegel (a famous German newspaper — ask Ms. Weatherby about newspapers. . just kidding) asked Cross if he used the Internet. The interview, unfortunately, is in German, but I’ve seen a translated version. Cross said that he traveled with a portable computer (for a lot of people, one of the lessons of September 11 was the importance of staying connected). He mentioned watching Kurosawa films and that on the odd occasion when he finds himself cooking — can you imagine him cooking?! — he’ll look up recipes. I’ve heard rumors that he maintains a private Facebook profile to get in touch with his far-flung friends, though I can’t confirm this. So far, the few aliases I suspected have refused my friend requests.

Good luck with your paper! I hope this helps.

Best,

Arthur Pennyman

SteeltownLarry writes, “Is something going on between Jimmy and the band? Besides introducing them during ‘Loss of Pressure’ he hardly seemed to acknowledge anyone the whole night. Did you notice that he exited the stage on the opposite side from the rest of the guys? It’s been a while since he cleaned house — even the kid has been with him for a few years now. Do you expect we’ll see new faces come spring?”

Dear SteeltownLarry,

In my tenure I’ve seen eleven guitarists, nine percussionists, three bassists (people ignore Tony’s mysterious 40leave of absence at the end of ’97 and his brief illness in ’08), two keyboardists, and one erratic mandolin player (William Styles’s one-night stand in Seattle). I won’t mention all the special guests, both headliners and has-beens, who’ve dropped in for a set.

To quote Heraclitus: Change is the only constant.

As for his relationship with the band, all I can say is that I haven’t seen or heard anything unusual. This has been a pretty stable era, all in all. However, that’s not to say he couldn’t pull a Springfield Armory 41tomorrow.