Roddy Doyle - The Commitments

They were too tired to object. They made a circle and, without being told to, held hands.

— Good, said Joey The Lips. — Now drop hands.

They did this.

— Turn right.

They did this too. They were still a circle. Each of them was looking at a back. Joey The Lips was in the circle too. He lifted both his hands.

— Now, Brothers, Sisters, we pat ourselves on the back for a job well done.

They laughed as they patted.

* * *

It was the next rehearsal.

— Okay, James, my man, said Joey The Lips. — Take us there.

James looked around. Everyone was at battle stations. He started.

— DUM — DUMDUM —

Joey The Lips pointed to Billy.

— CLAH — CLAHCLAH —

To Derek.

— THUM — THUMTHUM —

Once Derek was in James could be a bit more adventurous. He went along with the girls.

— UUH — UUH — UUH —

UUH — UUH —

UUH — UUH — UUH —

Joey The Lips clicked his fingers. Outspan was off.

— CHI–CHICHI —

Then Deco started to sing.

— AS I WALK THIS LAND

O’ BROKE —

EN DREE — EE — EAMS —

It was going well, no mistakes.

Deco would have to be spoken to again. He’d started spinning the mike over his head.

The girls were good. Their step was simple; one step right, then back, then right again. They moved together. And they looked well, about the same height and size. Natalie clapped her hands, shook her head, bared her teeth.

Most of the other Commitments looked comfortable enough.

Dean looked petrified.

— I’LL BE SEARCHIN’ EVERYWHERE —

JUST TO FIND SOMEONE TO CARE —

I’VE BEEN LOOKIN’ EVERY DAY —

I KNOW I’M GOIN’ TO FIND A WAY —

NOTHIN’S GOIN’ TO STOP ME NOW —

I WILL FIND A WAY SOMEHOW —

They all stopped. The record faded quickly there. They didn’t know how they were going to end it.

Deco kept singing.

— I’LL SEARCH FOR YOU DOWN ON THE DOCKS

I’LL WAIT UNDER CLERY’S CLOCK —

They cheered.

Deco stopped.

— Wha’ was tha’ abou’? Jimmy asked.

— A bit o’ local flavour, said Deco.

— Tha’ was deadly, said Derek.

— Yeh said we were goin’ to make the words more Dubliny, said Deco.

— It’s just — yeh should’ve warned us, said Jimmy.

— It’s good though, said Billy.

— Very soul, said James.

— Soul is the people’s music, said Joey The Lips.

— Only culchies shop in Clery’s but, said Billy.

— Oh yeah, said Derek. — But, hang on. The clock’s hangin’ off the outside o’ the shop. On the street.

— Soul is street, said Joey The Lips.

— That’s alrigh’ then, said Jimmy. — The clock stays.

They walked home. Seven of the ten Commitments worked. Four of them made it into work the next morning.

* * *

The Commitments rehearsed three times a week. After the first few nights they stopped before half-eleven for the last bus.

Joey The Lips kept them on the easier, less frantic numbers. Chain Gang became their favourite for a while.

The girls would lift their hammers above their heads, and bring them down:

— HUH —

And again:

— HAH —

And again:

— HUH —

Derek got to sing too.

He’d growl: —WELL DON’T YOU KNOW before Deco sang:

— THAT’S THE SOUND O’ THE MEN —

WORKIN’ ON THE CHAIN —

GA — EE — ANG ——

THAT’S THE SOUND O’ THE MEN —

WORKIN’ ON THE —

CHAIN GANG —

Deco closed his eyes a lot for this one.

— ALL DAY THEY’RE SAYIN’ —

MY MY MY MY MY MY MY —

MY WORK IS SO HARD —

GIVE ME GUINNESS —

I’M THIRSTY —

MY — Y — Y —

MY WORK IS SO HARD —

OH OH MY MY MY —

SWEET JAYSIS —

MY WORK IS SO HARD —

— HUH, went the girls.

— HAH, went the girls.

— HUH, went the girls.

Derek wrapped it up.

— WELL DON’T YOU —

KNOW.

* * *

Joey The Lips had them standing in a circle.

— What’re we doin’ today, Joey? Dean asked him.

— Well, Brother, said Joey The Lips. — I think we’re going to bring our Soul Sisters to the front.

— Oh Jesus, said Natalie. — I’m scarleh.

— Hang on, said Deco. — What’s this?

— The Sisters are going to sing, said Joey The Lips. — Like the birds of the air.

— They’re supposed to be backing vocalists.

— Ah, fuck off, Cuffe, said Billy. — The cunt’s jealous, so he is.

— Yeah, said Outspan.

— Sap, said Imelda.

— Grow a pair o’ tits, pal, an’ then yeh can sing with them, said Billy.

— Are you startin’ somethin’?

— Don’t annoy me.

— Here! said Jimmy. — None o’ tha’.

The time was right for a bit of laying down the law.

— No rows or scraps, righ’.

— Well said, Jim.

— An’ annyway, said Jimmy. — The girls are the best lookin’ part o’ the group.

— Dirty bastard, said Natalie.

— Thanks very much, Jimmy, said Imelda.

— No sweat, ’melda, said Jimmy.

— What’ll we sing? Bernie asked Joey The Lips.

— You know Walking in the Rain?

— Lovely.

— I WANT HIM, Imelda sang.

— It doesn’t exactly have a strong feminist lyric, does it? said James.

— Soul isn’t words, Brother, said Joey The Lips. — Soul is feeling. Soul is getting out of yourself.

— But it’s corny.

— You’re not singin’ it, Specky, said Imelda.

— It’s wha’ yeh’d call crossover music, Jimmy explained. — It appeals to a wider market. Black an’ whi’e. Redneck an’ Dub.

— An’ it’s good, said Natalie.

— You speak the truth, Sister, said Joey The Lips.

— We need rain and thunder. — Brother Billy, you can supply us with the meteorological conditions?

— The wha’?

— Rain and thunder?

— I don’t know abou’ the rain but I can give yeh all the fuckin’ thunder yeh want.

He attacked the kit.

— Fuckin’ hurricane if yeh want it.

Jimmy spoke. — Can yeh rattle one o’ the cymbals gently?

— Gently? — Jaysis, I don’t know. — How’s this?

— Grand, said Jimmy. — That’s the rain.

— Good thinkin’.

The girls were practising a move. They crossed their arms over their chests every time they sang HIM.

— The wall of sound. Mr Spector’s Wall of Sound here, Brothers, said Joey The Lips. — Brother Outspan, you’re the main man on this one.

— Fuck! Am I?

— Stay cool, said Joey The Lips. — Let’s hear it.

— CHUNGHA — CHUNGHA — CHUNGHA — CHUNGHA —

— Terrif, said Joey The Lips. — Sisters.

The Commitmentettes got ready.

— Rain, Joey The Lips shouted.

Billy gave him rain.

— Thunder. — A bit less.

He nodded to the girls.

— DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO—

DOOO—

DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO—

DOOOooo—

Natalie, in the middle, stepped forward.

— I WANT HIM —

— Get up!

— That’s not funny, Brother, said Joey The Lips. — We start again.

— Sorry.

— Rain. — Now thunder.

— DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO —

DOOO —

DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO —

DOOOooo —

I WANT HIM —

AN’ I NEED HIM —

AN’ SOME DAY —

SOME WAY —

WOO OH WOO O —

O —

OH —

I’LL SEE HIM —

Bernie and Imelda stepped up to join Natalie. They sang together now.

— HE’LL BE KIND O’ SHY — Y —

Imelda started laughing but they didn’t stop.

— AN’ REAL GOOD LOOKIN’ TOO —

OOO —

AN’ I’LL BE CERTAIN —