Peter Pišťanek - The End of Freddy

Telgarth looks at Rácz and frowns.

“Geľo has been led astray,” he says. “He fell for Czech propaganda. I’ve talked to him. He wants to stick to all the deals we’ve signed with the bloody Czechs. He’s a fucking Czechoslovak. I don’t think he’s a good Slovak. I see no loyalty in him.”

“Why are you blathering on about that republic?” Rácz asks. “I think you can level with Urban about what’s going on.”

“Right then,” Freddy agrees, fixing his one-eyed gaze on Urban. “Look Urban. We’ve been talking, Rácz and I. A republic is shit. Take Slovakia: look how it ended. I don’t want that. The Czechs are smarter.”

“And what’s your alternative?” asks Urban. “To do it their way?”

“Yes,” says Freddy and his eye shines. “Monarchy.”

“But the Czechs haven’t improved things that way,” objects Urban.

“Look, they all obey me and are devoted to me,” says Freddy. “I’m the resistance hero. No one’s done more for freedom than me. They owe me a lot. And moreover, I’ll make them all rich. No local Slovak will ever have to work hard; not even their descendants. What did Havel promise the Czechs when they crowned him Czech king? Democracy. That’s what no one here knows or needs. I’ll promise them wealth.”

“Human gratitude is as volatile as love,” says Rácz. “You have to keep topping it up. Promise them wealth and they’ll even go to hell with you. They’ll even go against Geľo, or whatever his name is. Promise them another Switzerland. Another Monaco. It’s all the same whatever kind of a system you proclaim. You, Freddy, can do anything.”

Freddy puffs up like a peacock. His cheeks turn red with self-importance.

“Telgarth the First,” says Rácz. “Emperor of Slovakia, Telgarth the First. Listen, Urban, we’ll ennoble you with a title of prince.”

“Consider it done,” says Urban and asks for another drink.

“Cigar?” Rácz asks and offers him one from a wooden case.

Urban takes it. Rácz lights it for him.

“Do you remember, Urban, how we began in the Ambassador hotel?” asks Rácz, “in Rivers of Babylon . How we wiped out the Albanians? How we bought the hotel at auction? Well, we were young, bugger it all! We’ve achieved everything we planned.”

“The west watched the Slovak nation suffer and stayed passive,” says Freddy sternly. “And now, after victory, everyone wants to know us. They’d all like to invest in the Slovak Archipelago. I’m sorry, my European gentlemen! Where were you when Telgarth suffered as a political prisoner in a labour camp? When thousands of Slovaks suffered under the Junjan regime? We won’t give our oil to any capitalist.”

“But the Czechs weren’t passively watching,” says Urban. “They helped from the start. They even sent their soldiers. I think you’re being unfair to them.”

“To the Czechs?” Freddy laughs. “They did it all with the aim of taking over our natural resources, Slovak natural resources. But Slovak natural resources are not like the Bojnice altar the Czechs borrowed from the Slovaks and refused to return to Slovakia. You’ve miscalculated, Czech brothers!”

He shouts the last words through the open window towards the port where the two submarines are anchored.

“Even their plans to found a new Czechoslovakia with us were not sincere,” he tells Urban and Rácz. “I’ve read the Czech newspapers they occasionally brought me. There wasn’t a word about Czechoslovakia. They were only writing about the Slovak Archipelago becoming a part of the Czech Kingdom. A colony! Like Transcarpathian Ukraine in Beneš’s time. We don’t want that.”

“Right, Freddy,” says Rácz. “Rácz is really in favour. I told you you can always count on me. I’ll help you and you’ll help me. You sign my monopoly rights to drill and extract oil in Junja and I’ll help you become emperor. The Slovak nation needs an emperor, bugger it all!

“I think you should have invited Geľo here, too, Telgarth,” Urban insists. “He trusts you and relies on you.”

“And have him here slurping and chomping?” Freddy gets upset. “He can’t even use a fork. He’d even eat soup with a hunting knife. Don’t worry, I’ll sort him out neatly some other time.”

The door opens to reveal a Russian servant whom, together with the rest of the staff, Telgarth inherited from Khan Hüğottynünđ Űrģüll.

“Your Excellency,” he says with a slight Russian accent. “Dinner is served.”

“Thanks, Vasin,” says Freddy and turns to Urban and Rácz. “Gentlemen, may I invite you to table. Talk is one thing; food is another.”

The dinner has several courses, mostly fish cooked in various ways. This is accompanied by Crimean sparkling wine from the khan’s cellars.

The discussion carries on over dinner, but only Freddy and sometimes Rácz speak. Urban sinks into silence and speaks only when asked something.

After dinner Rácz shows them the gift he’s brought: a bottle of Martell XO.

Urban tries it, Telgarth doesn’t: he’s had enough. He sits there babbling. The hallucinogenic mushrooms he got used to eating in the camp, added to champagne, is a devastating combination. In any case, Telgarth can’t take alcohol. He finally falls asleep in the armchair when Urban and Rácz return to the hotel.

The next day Rácz tours the city, then takes a helicopter to the taiga.

“Here Rácz will go hunting!” he declares looking at an endless, snow-covered wilderness, criss-crossed by scores of fox and wolf tracks.

On the third day, Rácz leaves in his own plane, promising to return soon. He leaves Telgarth half his security team, eight men, saying that they’ll give Telgarth better, more professional security than the primitive seal hunters.

Urban is relocated in his hotel suite with many bows and apologies.

Freddy avoids him. He doesn’t request his company for several days. Urban doesn’t mind. He slowly packs his bags. He has nothing more to do here. He knows that every Thursday at ten a special Czech Army plane leaves the airport for Prague. Urban knows that if he boards it, the next day he can have lunch at the Domažlice Room .

At the airport, just before he boards the plane, men from Telgarth’s new security team stop him. The hotel must have informed them. They don’t stand on ceremony. They take him to the car, force him inside and drive him to see an enraged Telgarth.

“What are you doing to me?” Telgarth asks him. “Why are you tormenting me? Why did you try to leave me? And in such a cowardly way, without even saying goodbye?”

“I’m fed up to the teeth with it all,” says Urban. “You’ve got into bed with Rácz. As if you didn’t know who he was… and you go and invite him to Junja!”

“But why try to give me the slip?” asks a bewildered Telgarth.

“I knew you wouldn’t let me go,” Urban shrugs.

“Get out!” Telgarth tells his guards.

Then he turns to Urban.

“I didn’t invite Rácz,” he says. “He came off his own bat. He’s offered me help. Thanks to him, all the profit from Slovak resources will stay with Slovaks. We shan’t bow to the West European capitalists, or to the Russians, or even the Czechs. We’ll rule the country ourselves.”

“I don’t like it, Freddy,” says Urban. “You’ve never worked with Rácz. You know him only by what he does on his days off. Rácz will rule here, get that into your head. You’ll be a puppet emperor signing documents on Rácz’s behalf.”

“And I don’t like you betraying me like this,” says Telgarth. “Just when you see that I’m in a tricky situation.”

“I want to go home, Freddy,” says Urban. “It’s no fun now. Anyway, I have an insatiable craving for stuffed steak at the Domažlice Room .”