Mu Xin - An Empty Room

Whenever I breathed out a sigh of bitterness, my beloved would ask, “Why not find a different place to work?” And in turn I’d ask, “How is it now where you are?” And she’d reply, “The same, with fewer people.” I’d then smile and say, “Well, you can transfer to my institute and I’ll transfer to yours.” I had in fact changed jobs five times and had experienced Hong Lou Meng five times. In the sixth chapter I assumed a supreme resignation.

One summer morning some colleagues and I were scheduled to attend a conference. A rowdy group of seventeen men sat in the company minibus, waiting for the driver. The passengers walked on and off, chatted noisily, snacked, made one last trip to the bathroom, until half an hour later they suddenly seemed to have settled their private business and discussions. Their attention turned to Li Shan: Where was he? He knew that he was supposed to drive us to the conference today, and even if he showed up now we’d be late.

There was still no sign of Li Shan.

I knew how to drive but didn’t have a license. Plus part of the route was a curving mountainous road, and moreover I’d been through Hong Lou Meng five times already and wasn’t about to volunteer to be the dumb Jiao Da character.

There was still no sign of Li Shan.

A few people got off the bus to try to find the Director or the Assistant Director, only to discover that one was on sick leave and the other was on a business trip. So they decided to return to their offices to make tea and smoke their cigarettes as if they had forgotten there was even a conference.

Li Shan finally appeared. Everyone stopped drinking tea and smoking cigarettes, boarded the bus, and began to bombard Li Shan with sarcasm and condemnation.

“Seventeen people have been waiting for you. Remember that you aren’t the Director. Why should a driver act so superior as if he were our boss?”

“Look at the way he walks towards the bus, so very slowly, as if we deserved it. Hey, Li Shan, don’t you know what you do for a living!”

“We might as well pay you a fee plus tips. Just tell us how much for each person, Li Shan. If you were on strike, why did you come? You don’t have to work today. It could make a difference if you lasted two weeks.”

“You must have forgotten and thought it was your wedding night. Getting out of bed this morning wasn’t easy considering how you had to struggle to part with her.”

“Or perhaps your wife was going through a difficult labor last night. I assume you had to wait until the baby was born before leaving home and rushing over here.”

“My guess is that your wife eloped with someone. Quick, start the car and drive 200 kilometers per hour. We’ll help you catch that wife of yours, together with her lover.”

Li Shan didn’t say a word. Ever since I had started taking driving lessons from him, it had become routine that I’d sit in the front seat. These glib-tongued cracks angered me so much that I shouted, “We all have our own problems! So he’s late once, one rare occurrence! Don’t you people have any shame, talking the way you do?”

“Rare occurrence, indeed, he’s such a rare talent. So it’s our fault that we don’t know how to drive. But a certain person here does know how to drive but doesn’t help Li Shan. He thinks he’s the good guy here.”

Their vicious discourse now attacked me. This was how they usually talked during bus trips, out of boredom. Each of them had at one time or another asked Li Shan for help. Whether they needed help moving, or to transport something, or to attend a wedding or funeral, or to take a random excursion — they had each privately asked Li Shan to be their driver. A year before, this carefree young man had been willing to take a risk or violate the rules to help them, to graciously serve these people. But for the past year he had been ignoring their requests. And they remembered only their recent grievances, not the previous favors. They figured that an opportunity to mount sarcastic attacks presented itself that day. After all, Li Shan was now quite useless to them; he was only worth mocking and discarding.

“Seriously, she has a pretty face and a shapely figure. Li Shan, you have exquisite taste in women and you’re a very lucky guy. You should have asked your wife to wait for us by the road. I could have grabbed her waist to rescue her, whisk her onto the bus. Hey, it’s summer and the little clothes she’d be wearing would make the honeymoon much easier.”

“What honeymoon? They’ve been married for over a year and are no longer newly weds.”

“I’m talking about myself going on a honeymoon with his wife. Of course it’s the husband’s obligation to be the driver.”

Laughter roared in the bus.

“Ah, women, women are vehicles and men are the drivers. I think Li Shan can drive vehicles of metal, but not vehicles of flesh.”

“As for his bus, the windows have long been broken and the doors forced open.”

The bus erupted in more laughter.

Sixteen males spoke in turn as if they were at a conference. Each of them saw a chance to display his own wit. I glanced over at Li Shan who looked calm, revealing an enormous threshold for tolerance.

“Shut up, all of you. No talking to the driver. Why don’t you all talk about your own families, about being saints to your own chaste virgins. What goes on in the Li family is none of your business.”

The bus lurched forward and slowed to a squeaking stop. Li Shan turned to me wide-eyed and said in a threatening tone, “What is it to you if anything happens in my family?”

I was stunned. “What is it to me … what …?”

“Let them talk their talk. No need for you to be so wordy.”

He leaped out of the bus, crossed over to my side in a few swift steps, opened the door, and pulled me out.

“And you blame me?!” I asked, outraged.

Li Shan jumped back into the driver’s seat and slammed the door shut. I held onto the edge of the open window. He released the brake, and as he stepped on the gas he raised his fist and leaned over to knock me loose, giving me a vigorous punch. I fell onto my back and saw the vehicle tilt for a brief moment and then speed forward.

“Li Shan! … Li Shan! …” I shouted helplessly.

The bus shot ahead like an arrow — I watched it careen off the highway, float in the air for a second, and plummet into the deep valley below. A loud explosion followed and birds flew into the air in every direction.

I was horror-struck.

An empty feeling washed over me; blinding sunlight reflected off the surface of the road.

It was only after a long, long while that I heard the birds chirping and the wind rustling the trees.

I stumbled to the cliff and saw only the deep valley below, covered in vegetation. There was no trace of the bus, no trace of the passengers. There was nothing. .

Those sixteen passengers certainly didn’t deserve to die. I decided to find out why Li Shan was late. All I could learn was that his wife had upset him. It wasn’t one or two things, but an accumulation of many things. Nobody could clarify further — only Li Shan himself knew what had happened.

before i moved here, no young person had set foot in this house for a very long time. Since my arrival, my aunt, the sister of my father, has been warning me that I should choose my social circle with discretion. I have no problems with that, even if this isn’t a convent. Eventually, I’ll return to the world of the young, and the house will become part of the world of the young.

Visitors in general are rare, and the old couple doesn’t go out much. From what I can tell, those who once frequently called on friends cannot be bothered to do so when they are old, and even avoid such visits to conserve energy.