Daniela Kapitánová - Samko Tále's Cemetery Book

But on the other hand it was quite handy because my Dad would have never invited Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) to the café because he was economical and never went to cafés.

Grandaddy was also economical but he did invite Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) anyway, because he respected him very much due to his modesty and due to being humorous regarding funny jokes. Every time he said a funny joke Grandaddy laughed for a long time. Sometimes I almost thought he would never stop laughing. And when he was done this is what he always said:

‘That was a good one!’

Meaning it was a really good one.

Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) was very fond of Grandaddy, too That’s why he always told him funny jokes.

And then we drank some yellow fizzy drink.

We used to have other kinds of fizzy drinks in the old days too, for example a red fizzy drink, but yellow fizzy drink was my favourite although I liked the red one, too But yellow fizzy was my favourite.

Sometimes, Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) said something that didn’t make Grandaddy say ‘That was a good one’, but instead he laughed for a long time and then this was what he said:

‘Oh you are naughty!’

And after that Gunár Karol (PhD Social Sciences) also laughed for a long time and he was very happy. Because he was naughty.

Grandaddy used to call him naughty mainly when they talked about Tonko Szedílek’s Mum, the one that people called Katuša. And after that Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) told all sorts of funny stories but they would send me and Darinka Gunárová outside to get some air.

I have no idea why we had to go outside to get some air, because there was plenty of air in the café too, because if there hadn’t been any air inside they wouldn’t have been able to stay there either, and that’s why sometimes I think that Grandaddy just said that we should go out to get some air but he didn’t actually mean it. Sometimes I think that they just wanted to be alone and talk about Communist things because that’s what they were both like and these things always had to be a big secret.

Yesterday I saw Darinka Gunárová outside the Cultural Centre. And she was wearing a black T-shirt on top of that short skirt. The T-shirt was all black and it wasn’t very long at all because it was very short. It was so short that it didn’t even reach her belt. And her belly button was showing. I didn’t want to look that way because I’ve got I.Q. and I don’t see why I should be looking at Darinka Gunárová’s belly button, but what I don’t get is why she couldn’t buy a longer T-shirt, because it was very weird the way her belly button was showing in that T-shirt. And that’s not done. I don’t mean that a belly button is not done, what I mean is that it’s not done to show it.

Because it’s not done.

Anyway.

My Mum had never worn the sort of things that would have showed her belly button and neither would Margita, but then she’s fat. Not even Ivana wears things like that, even though Ivana is like that and she always does things that are embarrassing.

So I’m sometimes embarrassed due to her.

Margita never does things that are embarrassing so I don’t have to be embarrassed due to her, because she isn’t like Ivana at all. Because Ivana is a great artist from Bratislava.

There’s just one thing I’ll never get and that’s why great artists from Bratislava have to be so embarrassing.

Sometimes Alf Névéry could have been quite an embarrassment to me too, but he wasn’t, because he never went out and he just took showers all the time. And he had no TV. But nobody knew about it so it wasn’t embarrassing.

And that’s why it wasn’t embarrassing for me either.

I never do things that are embarrassing because I always know what’s what and why and how. Even when I shout at people in the street I only shout back at them if they have shouted at me, otherwise I never shout at people. Because I know exactly what’s what and why and how.

And regarding that I never wear T-shirts that show my belly button because it would get people talking.

People in Komárno used to say all sorts of things about Tonko’s Mum Katuša Szedíleková, like what she was like and what she had been up to before she got out of bedlock, and they used to say that her problem used not to be regarding superstitious prejudices and religious things back then, it used to be regarding men and sexual things, but then her son Tonko was born out of bedlock because he was her son, and then they were both superstitious and religious, and they were both out of bedlock.

Once there was this woman in Komárno who was out of bedlock too, and her name was Fertigová. She and her daughter were both out of bedlock because she hated men and that’s why she never got married even after her daughter was born. And when her daughter grew up she turned out just like her mother and also hated men, and then she got out of bedlock too because she also had a daughter and didn’t get married.

So then there were three women called Fertigová and people used to call them the Three Fertigová Women and they used to say all sorts of things about them. But they didn’t care due to hating all men.

But then another woman came along whose name was Dadáková and she said that her son was going to sue Fertigová № 2. because Fertigová № 3 was his daughter, so he had the right to sue her. So he went to court to sue her and the court said that he was the father of Fertigová № 3. That made him a winner and the court allowed him to pay money for Fertigová № 3.

After that Dadák kept paying money but none of the Fertigová Women respected him for that, they just made fun of him because they hated men.

So then Dadák became a loner due to being made fun of and he was so sad and unhappy that his mother decided to do something about it because she was very upset that he had turned out like that due to being made fun of. She was upset that the Fertigová Women were making fun of him even though they were all out of bedlock and he wasn’t.

So then Dadáková went to see old Gusto Rúhe and told him that she would give him a whole pig if he put a spell on Fertigová № 2 just like he did on Erik Rak.

When I’ve finished writing this I will write about how old Gusto Rúhe had put a spell on Erik Rak because I’ve forgotten to write about it again.

But old Gusto Rúhe said that he would only put a spell on Fertigová № 2 if Dadáková let him grope her, and Dadáková got so worked up that she was struck by a stroke when she got back home because she was already quite old and she was offended regarding all that.

Then she got buried and had a funeral due to that but nobody felt sorry for her because everyone knew that she wanted to put a spell on Fertigová № 2 and people said that the biter got bitten.

I said so, too.

Because it was very instructive.

After that nobody talked to Dadák because nobody wanted to talk to him any more, and then Dadák hanged himself in the sty, next to the pig that Dadáková was going to give old Gusto Rúhe.

When he got buried due to the hanging the Three Fertigová Women came to the funeral, but they didn’t cry at all.

I didn’t cry at all either.

His name was Eugen Dadák and his Mum’s name was Elvíra Dadáková.

I knew Eugen Dadák very well because he was my Mum’s last pupil regarding the piano, because he wanted to be educated even though he was already grown up. My Mum always used to say that Eugen Dadák had a feeling for the piano.

My Mum could always tell who had a feeling for the piano, for example she always used to say that Darinka Gunárová had a great feeling for the piano and what a great pity it was that she had given it up. Darinka Gunárová gave it up when her arms got like that after all those things happened, and she gave up the piano and stopped coming to our house regarding the piano.