Kit de Waal - My Name Is Leon

“Changed your mind?”

“Yes,” Leon says. “I’ve changed my mind. I want to stay at home with you.”

He smiles. Just like Maureen has a soft voice and Sylvia has three or four different voices, Leon can have a pretend voice as well.

Then the whispering begins. They go into the kitchen but he can hear because only his face is watching the TV; every other inch of him is standing between them in the kitchen, watching their lips. Maureen will have her arms folded.

“You didn’t tell him then?”

“No,” says Sylvia.

“Good. Leave that up to me. I want to tell him before the social workers get to him. But I’ll wait until the time’s right.”

“How soon will it be official?”

“Any day now but you know how bloody slow they can be. Social Services do everything in their own sweet time as you know.”

“And it’s for good?”

“Permanent, as far as I’m concerned. I’m stopping work apart from him.”

Then he can’t hear because the kettle’s boiling. They’ll drink more cups of tea and coffee and eat cake and sandwiches and talk about people he doesn’t know and the seaside all the time while they make their plans about him, while they make their plans without him. Then Sylvia starts talking about houses again and how many bedrooms they can afford. And Maureen is nodding. They keep saying it will be permanent and secure and Leon sees how fat Maureen is and how ugly Sylvia is and how they both want to get a dog instead of him.

Then all of a sudden they both scuttle into the living room and stand in front of the TV.

“Where’s that?” says Maureen.

Leon wasn’t paying attention so he doesn’t speak.

“Hold on,” says Sylvia. “If it’s a news flash it will be on ITV as well.”

Maureen changes the channel and the news flash is on the other one too.

“… area of high deprivation. Most recent reports tell of fires burning in streets and clashes between police and gangs of youths following the death in custody of a local man from the Union Road area. What began as a peaceful demonstration outside Springfield Road police station has escalated into running battles between police and rioters with several police officers and civilians being taken to the hospital. Witnesses have reported looting and damage to several shops in the area and additional police officers are being sent in from forces throughout the region. We will keep you updated throughout the night.”

It smells like bonfire night. There’s a feeling in the air like when something exciting is going to happen. Something exciting has already happened. Leon has done a brave thing. He’s a burglar. He’s James Bond. He’s climbed out of his window so quietly that he couldn’t believe it himself. It was difficult dragging the backpack out but he did it in the end.

He scuttles around the side of the bungalow and unchains his bike from the drainpipe by the back gate. He pushes it through the path that leads between the houses, crouching down beside it like it’s moving all on its own. The pack is really heavy and it drags him down but as soon as he gets out on the street he can straighten up. He pushes hard up the hill away from Sylvia and Maureen. They won’t notice for ages because they’re watching the news on the TV. Even when they do notice, they won’t care anyway.

He is sweating but he keeps going. His face feels funny and his lips feel swollen from crying. He thinks of Maureen going into his room in the morning and how she will cry like when they lost Jake. She’ll run and tell Sylvia and they’ll start crying together because it will be too late. His throat hurts now and he has to drag his sleeve across his eyes to see where he’s going. If anyone sees him they will think it’s the smoke that’s making him cry.

There are lots of people standing on street corners and someone shouts at him to stop but he pays no attention. He’s never heard so many police sirens. It sounds like a film or a TV show and even though Leon wants to see where the fire is, he’s got to be careful because he has a long, long way to go to get to Dovedale Road and then all the way back to his halfway house and then all the way to Bristol. Two hours the social worker said but that was in her car. He’s got a map in his bag and, including the money he just took out of Maureen’s purse, he’s got more than twenty-three pounds.

Usually when he thinks about seeing Jake he feels happy. But for some reason he’s crying and he wonders if Jake will remember him. Babies change a lot when they start to grow up. How will he know what Jake looks like and how will he get into the house where they are keeping him? At least he’s got the nail file from Crazy Rose.

He looks behind him at how far he has come from Sylvia and Maureen. He will put the heaviest stuff in his shed at the allotment and then only take the most important things to Dovedale Road: some candy for himself, baby food for Jake, his money, his map, and the photograph.

When he’s got Jake, if anyone stops him and says, “Where are you taking that baby?” Leon will show them the photograph to prove that it’s his brother. When your brother is white it can be difficult to believe that you’re related. He hopes Jake can walk on his own because, if not, Leon will have to carry him. He wonders if Jake will fit in the backpack. He’s seen some of the African women carrying their babies on their backs, so it can be done. It makes him feel better to think he has a backup plan if he can’t steal a baby buggy or if Jake can’t walk or if he’s too heavy to carry in his arms or on his bike.

Finding Carol might be more difficult but he’ll deal with that problem when it comes. If there’s one thing he’s certain of, it’s that his mom wants to see Jake again. He imagines her face when he knocks on her door and holds Jake in front of him. She’ll burst into tears and pick him up, hold him close to her chest, and say, “My baby, my baby,” and she’ll probably crumple down like she did before but this time it will be out of happiness and Leon is strong enough to help her up all on his own. Every social worker he’s ever had has told him that his mom loves her children but she just can’t manage. Well, all that is going to change. Leon has learned a thing or two since he was nine. He’s been shopping at a big supermarket with Sylvia, picked out the cheapest and best food, and put it in the cart. He’s learned how much things cost and how to take them cleverly when you haven’t got enough money.

Looking after Jake won’t be a problem; it never was. Looking after Carol can be tricky and if he’d done a better job in the past, he wouldn’t be in this position now, pedaling hard with a heavy bag all the way to the allotments when it’s getting dark and when he’s a bit scared. He was stupid to go and see Tina and ask her for some money. It was her fault that his mom went into the hospital and that was what started everything going wrong. That’s a mistake he won’t make again. Twenty-three pounds is a lot of money. It can last two people and a baby for weeks if they all stay together.

He gets off the bike at the entrance to the allotment. He expected the gate to be locked, that he’d have to wheel around and climb over the brick wall. He even brought his bike lock just in case but the gates are wide open and one of them is hanging off its hinges.

He goes slowly. He can hear voices, shouting and swearing. He stops. Maureen might have noticed that he’s left home and she might call the police. If she does, they will be looking for him and it might be better to just go back. The sound of the men swearing at each other makes him want to get back on the bike and climb back through Sylvia’s window but if he isn’t brave and if he turns back at the first sign of trouble he’ll never get to Bristol. And anyway, as he gets closer he can hear it’s Tufty and Mr. Devlin and they have always hated each other. It’s just them arguing as usual. It doesn’t mean anything bad’s going to happen.