Kit de Waal - My Name Is Leon

“I will, Sylv.”

“I know what you’re like.”

“No, I will, really. I haven’t felt right for a few weeks.”

“Promise me.”

“Yes, I will. Tomorrow.”

“Sunday?”

“Monday then.”

“Swear it, because we’ve been here before and you forget all about it.”

“I swear, yes. Leon will remind me, won’t you, love?”

Leon nods and Sylvia pokes him in the back.

“You make bloody sure. If you don’t and anything happens to her, you’ll be sorry.”

The next day, Maureen doesn’t getup and she lets Leon make her witch’s brew and toast. He is careful with the brew because he has to boil the kettle and stand on a chair to make sure it all goes into the mug. Then he makes the toast and puts apricot jam and butter on it and then puts it all on a tray. He carries it all the way upstairs and into her room. Maureen eases herself up in bed and smooths the blankets on her lap. She takes the tray off Leon and shakes her head.

“You are a star, you are, Leon. My best and lovely boy. Can’t believe you made this all by yourself. Nine years old and we’ve already got a chef in the house.”

She points everything out.

“Toast, jam, little plate, coffee in my special mug, and not a single drip on the tray. Good boy. You’ve got a job for life, you know that, don’t you?”

Leon smiles and she takes his hand.

“It will be all right, love. You and me together. We’ll be all right and you can stay with Auntie Maureen for the foreseeable as far as I’m concerned. You’re not to worry.”

“You have to go to the doctor,” says Leon. “Tomorrow you have to go.”

“Yes, yes. See how I’m feeling in the morning.”

But Leon can hear the crackling sound that comes from her throat like a cough that won’t come out. And her face is the same color as the sheets. He can tell when Maureen’s trying to be happy and when she’s worried and he knows now why Sylvia kept making her promise.

“Leon! Leon!”

Maureen has had her no-nonsense voice on all day. Even before Leon was properly awake she was using it, talking on the phone in her bedroom and saying bad things about his mother. Again. Leon heard her.

“She must have got a bloody surprise when she called Social Services. She had two when she took off. Now there’s just the one and he’s got quite a temper when he’s roused. No wonder, life he’s had. She’s been sick apparently, so the social worker said. Sick, in and out of institutions. Yeah, yeah, somewhere up north, then Bristol and God knows where else. Well, I don’t know, some sort of breakdown. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’d have to be pretty sick to keep me from my kids, know what I mean?”

But Leon doesn’t understand why Maureen should be talking about his mother all of a sudden. She’s never even met her. Leon’s the only one who really knows what Carol’s like and even he hasn’t seen her for a long, long time.

“Leon! Come down here, I said!”

He’s nearly as tall as Maureen and looking her straight in the eye.

“Come on. Someone’s coming to see you today.”

“Who?”

Maureen prods him all the way to the kitchen and tells him to wash his hands while she watches.

“Properly, Leon. I’m standing right here.”

She folds her arms and, as she does, Leon sees the softness creep back into her face.

“Come on, love. Don’t take all day. You’re having a visitor. I wasn’t sure whether or not she’d come, so I haven’t said anything until now. We’ve been here before, haven’t we? Her saying she’s coming and then not coming, eh? But she’s on her way apparently, so look sharp.”

Leon says nothing. Maureen often says nice things and nasty things both at the same time. She passes him the towel and while he dries his hands she puts her hand to his cheek.

“Your mom’s been very ill, love. And it’s been a long time, hasn’t it? Nearly a year and that’s forever at your age. So just take it slow with her, all right? She might be, well… different, you know? Not like you remember, all right?”

Leon feels sick but he can’t tell Maureen because then she might say he can’t see his mom.

“Want a Kit Kat?” she says.

He nods.

“Go for a pee first. You know what you’re like if you get excited. Toilet first and then have a Kit Kat.”

They wait together by the window. It’s the sort of day where it never gets properly bright. It’s not raining but the pavement is wet and looks like dirty metal in the misty light. Maureen is wheezing behind him, holding the net curtain out of the way.

“These need a good soak in the bath,” she says. “We’ll take them all down tomorrow. Wipe these sills as well. Want to earn some pocket money, Leon?”

Maureen always talks when he’s trying to concentrate. Suddenly a sports car pulls into the road, slows down, and stops right outside Maureen’s house.

“This is it,” she says and she lets the curtain drop.

Leon shirks Maureen’s hand from his shoulder. Inside the sports car are Carol and a man. The man is white, so he knows his dad hasn’t come but it doesn’t look like Jake’s dad, either. Leon and Maureen both go and sit on the sofa. They’re not speaking. Leon is waiting for the bell to ring and Maureen is waiting to tell him to answer the door. It takes ages. Why won’t she come inside? Why hasn’t she come for him? Maybe she will drive away and Leon will never see her again. Lots and lots of words, most of them bad, come into his mouth and Leon has to swallow them down as usual. She’s not coming in and, anyway, he hates her. Leon gets up and starts towards the back door.

“Wait!” Maureen whispers.

He hears a car door slam, then another. He rushes to the front door and opens it and she’s there, honestly, really, truly there, walking down the garden path toward him. The man’s with her, a few steps behind, walking with his hands in his pockets. Carol is smiling but she’s crying as well and Leon wants to run to her to make her better but before he can move she seems to crumple down on to her knees and the man catches her under her arms and helps her up.

“Thank you. I’m all right. I’m all right. I want to go on my own.”

She puts her arms out and Leon walks slowly in case he makes her collapse again. She wipes her sleeve across her face before she kisses him. She’s trying to say something but nothing comes out. Leon is glad she’s crying because now Maureen will know that she cares.

“Come in, love!” shouts Maureen from the doorway. “Come in and bring your friend.”

The man shakes his head and starts walking back to his car.

“Be back in a bit, Carol, love. You all right?”

Carol waves him away and they all go inside and sit on the sofa. Carol kisses Leon again, much too hard, and Leon decides not to say anything just in case it comes out wrong or he starts to cry as well.

“How’s my little boy?” Carol says but she isn’t looking at him. She’s trying to find her cigarettes. She always does this and Leon has to take the bag and look for her. He tries to take the bag off her but she snatches it away and he sees Maureen frown. He knows that later Maureen will be on the phone to her sister saying bad things about Carol, about her crying and smoking and coming with a man. So he sits close to his mom because he belongs to her and she belongs to him.

“I’ve got something in here for you,” Carol says. “I’ve bought this for you.”

It’s a pencil-and-pen set in a wooden box. It looks like it belongs to a teacher or a professor.

“I didn’t get a chance to wrap it, Leon, love. Do you like it?” Carol has her cigarette poised at her lips, her hand frozen like she can’t continue until he says yes.