Kit de Waal - My Name Is Leon

It was only yesterday and since then nothing has been the same so of course Leon remembers her. She has the sad smile back on her face and also the look of fear. Maureen also has a different face. Leon knows that if the social worker wasn’t here, Maureen would have called up her sister and said, “Know what, Sylvia? They’ve pissed me right off again, they have. Social Services? Waste of bloody space, if you ask me.” But she never swears when the social workers are around. Neither does Leon.

Then Salma starts talking while Maureen bounces Jake on her lap. Maureen keeps shaking her head like she would like to say no, no, no but she doesn’t say anything at all. Leon agrees with everything Salma says.

“Jake is still a very young baby.”

“Yes,” says Leon.

“He needs to be in a family.”

“Yes,” says Leon.

“Lots of families are looking for babies.”

“Yes,” says Leon.

“You love Jake, don’t you, Leon?”

“Yes.”

“Everyone knows how much you love your little brother. Even though you look very different, you can see you’re brothers and that you love each other. Maureen’s always telling me how you let him play with your toys and he will only sleep on your lap and no one else’s. And that’s lovely.”

Leon nods.

“Wouldn’t you like Jake to be in a family with a mom and dad of his own?”

“Yes.”

“That’s what we want as well. We want every child to have the best. You and Jake and all the other children who can’t be looked after by their first family.”

Salma takes one of Leon’s hands out of his lap and he’s glad he remembered to clean them.

“You’re not a little boy now, Leon. You’re nine. You’re nine years old and so tall that you look about eleven or twelve, don’t you? Yes. Or thirteen. A lot of people think you’re older than you are. And you’re very sensible as well. You had a long time looking after other people, didn’t you, and that made you grow up very fast. Oh, I know you still like your toys and your games, but still.”

Salma looks at Leon’s hand and puts it back where it was. She then folds hers together and coughs. Leon sees her look at Jake. Then she looks at Maureen and he wonders if she’s asked a question because no one speaks for quite some time.

So Leon says, “Yes.”

“Leon, we’ve got a family that want to look after Jake. They want to be Jake’s new parents. Isn’t that good, Leon? Jake is going to have a new mommy and daddy.”

“Yes.”

“And soon, one day, a family will come along that will want you for their little boy.”

Leon nods.

“Do you understand, Leon? Jake is going to be adopted. That means he’s going to have a new forever family. But even though he won’t be living with you anymore you will still be able to get letters from him and find out all about him.”

Leon looks at Maureen before he speaks.

“Jake can’t write.”

Salma laughs very loud and Leon knows she’s pretending.

“Of course he can’t! He’s only ten months old! No. His new mommy and daddy will write the letter to you and probably even send a photograph as well. See!”

She has his hand again.

“I know this is hard for you, Leon. Very hard. We wish things were different but if Jake is going to have a chance…”

Maureen is up. “Thanks, Salma. He understands, don’t you, pigeon?”

Maureen taps his neck-back and inclines her head to the kitchen.

“Curly Wurly?”

Leon gets up and goes into the kitchen. It isn’t Saturday. It isn’t Christmas and his room is very untidy, so why he’s getting a Curly Wurly is a mystery. Then again, he has been very polite. He hasn’t interrupted, answered back, or tried to be too clever by half. There are three other Curly Wurlys in the cupboard and, as he’s the only one in the house who eats them, Leon smiles. Maybe every time Salma comes and he doesn’t lose his temper he’ll get a Curly Wurly. He eats it in the kitchen but, before he’s finished, Maureen calls him back in to say goodbye to Salma while she changes Jake in the bathroom. Salma puts her hand on his shoulder and shows him her sad smile again.

“You’re a good boy, Leon. I know this is hard and you’re a good brother to Jake but we have to think of his future.”

“Yes.”

Later, when Jake’s in bed and Leon’s watching TV, Maureen asks him about what Salma said.

“She means it, you know, love. Did you understand that, Leon? Jake is going to be adopted.”

“What’s adopted?”

“Jake is going to have a new mom and dad.”

“Why?”

“Because, love. Just because. Because he’s a baby, a white baby. And you’re not. Apparently. Because people are horrible and because life isn’t fair, pigeon. Not fair at all. And if you ask me, it’s plain wrong and—”

She stops suddenly and winks.

“Tell you what. Now His Nibs is finally asleep, let’s you and me get the biscuit tin out.”

She comes back with a massive mug of coffee and the Golden Tin, which everyone knows is never allowed in the front room but this is, after all, a day of sad social workers and spontaneous Curly Wurlys, so Leon says nothing. As she squashes a cushion into the small of her back, Maureen lets out a sigh that to Leon sounds a little bit shaky and he can hear something in her throat when she speaks.

“You stay here with your Auntie Maureen, love. Eh? We’re happy enough, aren’t we? You stay here with me.”

It’s clear to Leon that Salma is mistaken and there aren’t lots and lots of families looking for babies because February vacation comes and goes and Jake is still reigning over 43 Allcroft Avenue. Leon still has to share his toys and Jake still has to sleep on Leon’s legs. The only thing that’s changed is that Jake has two teeth coming at the bottom and where he keeps dribbling onto his chin it’s sore with a rash. Leon has to dab it carefully, otherwise Jake cries for ages and no one gets any peace.

Then one day, Maureen comes to collect him from school on her own.

“Where’s Jake?” he asks.

“Salma and a nice lady and her husband are looking after him for half an hour. Just you and me. Great, isn’t it?”

Leon knows she’s pretending. Maureen takes his hand when they cross the road and she hasn’t done that for ages. She says that they are going the long way home, under the subway and through the park. She walks very slowly and keeps stopping to look at houses and plants and asking Leon about school. Then she produces from her pocket a small pack of chewing gum.

“Here you are, love. Have these but spit them out before you get home. I don’t want gum on the carpet.”

There’s only Salma and Jake at home when they get back and Leon sees Salma nod at Maureen as soon as they get through the door. It was a nod that puts Maureen in a bad mood for the rest of the day. The next day is Saturday, so Leon plays with Jake as quietly as he can and they both watch baby programs on the TV. By the afternoon he thinks Maureen’s bad mood has worn off, because while Jake is having his nap she calls him into the kitchen and puts two chairs close together. She sits down on one and makes him sit on the other.

“You know Jake’s been having some visitors this week, don’t you? While you’ve been at school, he’s had a nice man and a nice lady spending some time with him, playing with him, and taking him to the park.”

Leon says nothing.

“Well, those people are coming for Jake today, love.”

She brings his head down on to her shoulder and begins rocking backward and forward. Leon feels a little bit sick from the rocking and he thinks he must have put the wrong vest on because all his clothes feel wrong all of a sudden. He’s very uncomfortable sitting there too close to Maureen.