Alice Adams - Invincible Summer

Even Lucien was looking at her differently tonight, with a sort of hungry air about him. After all the times she’d had to quell the stabbing feeling she got from watching him look at countless other girls that way, she recognized it when it was directed at her, and savoured an inward glow of satisfaction. The balance of power was shifting between them; she had a new allure and they both knew it. It felt like the stars were starting to align for her at last.

She made a decision and grinned at Sylvie across the toilet cubicle. ‘Go on then. But not that half you just dropped on the floor. Give us a clean one, I know you’ve got a bagful. I might as well have a whole one anyway.’

Sylvie fished around in her bra for the little bag of pills. ‘Okay, sod it, flush that wet one down the loo. If you’re doing another whole one then so am I.’

Seven hours later, a hazy sun was rising above Primrose Hill and a blade of long grass was tickling the side of Eva’s face. She propped herself up on her elbows and looked out across the city towards St Paul’s Cathedral. Eva had meant to go home with Benedict after the club closed but somehow she and Lucien had ended up in the back of a crowded van headed for an after-party in north London, and they’d been halfway across town by the time she’d realized that Sylvie and Benedict weren’t with them. Eva hoped Benedict wasn’t annoyed; he knew where the spare key was and, really, it wasn’t her fault they’d got split up. He was bound to be okay. She could make it up to him, take him out for breakfast before he caught his train. Eva was actually feeling quite straight now, not in a paranoid, scratchy way, just warm and mellow. She had been surprised and pleased when Lucien had tugged her out of the party, insisting that since they were in this part of town it would be a crime not to watch the sun rise from the top of Primrose Hill.

‘I wish we had something to drink,’ Eva thought as they lay side by side in the grass, and she must have said it out loud without realizing, because Lucien peeled himself up off the ground beside her and reached inside his jacket to produce a bottle of brandy.

‘Ask, and ye shall receive.’

‘Oh, you didn’t,’ she exclaimed, knowing it could only have come from the party they’d just left.

‘No, I bloody didn’t nick it, if that’s what you mean.’ Lucien sounded aggrieved. ‘He gave it to me, all right. Said I had limpid eyes and that I should help myself to his drinks cabinet.’

‘I think he meant to a drink, not a bottle.’

‘Whatever. He left it open to interpretation. Anyway, a flat around here costs squillions so he’s hardly going to miss a bottle of booze. And he wouldn’t have invited a bunch of randoms back to his place if he was that worried about it.’

‘You’re incorrigible.’ Eva laughed. ‘Limpid eyes?’

Lucien leant across and held his face very close to hers. ‘Yes, limpid. Like a rock pool. Can’t you feel yourself being pulled in by their limpidity?’

‘I don’t actually think that’s a word,’ she said, wriggling out from under him. She’d seen him employ weapons-grade flirtation on at least five other people this evening regardless of age or gender, including the guy whose brandy he’d stolen, so she wasn’t kidding herself that this behaviour meant anything.

‘Did you have a good time tonight?’ Lucien said, casually shifting back onto his side but still facing her. She looked up at the lightening sky, where the sun was rapidly burning away the early morning cloud. It was going to be one of those perfect summer days.

‘Yes,’ she said, ‘I really did. I haven’t had such a good time in ages. It’s great the way your club night’s taking off, seems like it’s really working out for you.’

He stretched, causing his T-shirt to ride up so that a couple of inches of flat white stomach were exposed. ‘I’ve got big plans for it, actually. I’m talking to a couple of other club owners about putting on similar nights for them. They love what I’m doing, bringing back proper old-school house and techno, none of that grungy Britpop shite. I’m hoping to put on a really epic night for the millennium.’

‘If the millennium bug doesn’t bring the world to an end, you mean?’

‘Then it really would be the party to end all parties. Maybe I’ll call it Chaos or something. That’s a good angle, maximize the marketing potential.’

‘Listen to you, Richard Branson. Marketing potential?’

Lucien turned a suddenly serious gaze upon her. ‘I’m not messing about here, Eva. It might look like I’m just having fun but it’s hard work and I’m planning on going places. You’re not the only one making something of yourself. I’ve grown up a lot these last couple of years. I’m not just the same old Lucien you used to know.’

He was staring penetratingly into her eyes as he spoke, and was it her imagination or was he leaning in towards her again? Was he trying to tell her that things had changed, that he wanted her and wouldn’t treat her the same way again? Or was that just the residual effects of the pills making her utterly stupid? Oh God, his face was really close now.

‘We’re not like other people, are we, Eva? What you’re doing with your career, it’s really impressive. And I’m going places too. We’re really on the brink of something. Can you feel it?’

And she could feel it. The world was changing. She was standing on the edge of a cliff. But that sounded like a bad thing, so maybe she was at the foot of a mountain, but no, that made it sound like she had a mountain to climb whereas things were actually going to get easier. So a clifftop it was, but the sort of cliff where falling off was a good thing. She felt Lucien take her hand and slide his fingers between hers and suddenly he was standing next to her at the cliff’s edge and they stepped off together and they were floating in the air as his mouth came down on hers and as he kissed her he shifted his weight so that his body was almost on top of hers and it felt. .

‘Get a room, why don’t you!’

Eva jerked her eyes open and found herself looking straight into the contemptuous gaze of an early-morning dog walker. She buried her own burning face into Lucien’s shoulder, which was shaking with laughter, until the man had passed.

‘We could you know,’ he whispered into her ear.

‘Could what?’

‘Get a room. We wouldn’t have any problems with Sylvie or Benedict that way. Just you, me and an enormous bed. .’

Could she really do this after spending years swearing to herself she wouldn’t fall for it again? It did feel like she was learning new things about him. He was in some ways much more complex than she’d ever realized. Or was that just the pills?

She sighed. ‘Oh, Lucien. I’m not even sure if this is. . real. You know?’

He shifted further on top of her and nudged one of his legs between her thighs. ‘Reality’s overrated. It’s for people who can’t handle their drugs. Go on, there’s a Travelodge just by Regent’s Park. We could check in there.’

Her hands were inside his jacket, separated from his skin only by a T-shirt’s width of cotton. She could feel the contours of his body against her palms. How many times had she imagined this? Not half as many times as she’d had to force herself not to, because what was the point in wanting something you couldn’t have? And now here she was, in a situation where she could have it. Have him, Lucien. Was she really going to throw it away? Oh, but then there was Benedict, waiting at home for her, and she’d been so looking forward to seeing him. He wouldn’t easily forgive her if she went off with Lucien instead of spending the morning with him, and she didn’t even know if he’d made it back there okay, now she thought about it. He could have been mugged or anything. And he’d done his first pill tonight too. There really ought to be someone with him. She could just about be excused for the mix-up over who was in the van, but it would be unforgivable if she didn’t get home soon.