James Kelman - Dirt Road

Joel was there by the side of the pick-up and signaling him: Hey Murdo! You forgot something there?

Murdo frowned, he went forwards. It was the rucksack, Joel had his rucksack and accordeon-case, he brought them from the rear of the truck and passed them to him.

Jeesoh!

Joel clapped him on the shoulder then entered the driver’s side. We’ll see you sometime huh?

Definitely.

You going with the guys?

I think so, yeah.

Yeah. Joel nodded, switched on the engine.

Murdo stepped back. He pulled the rucksack on over his shoulders, lifted the accordeon-case, watching the pick-up roll forwards. Joel had his hand out the side window, a wave. Murdo waved in reply.

At the entrance to the Jay Cee Lounge Dad stood to the side of Declan. Declan was chatting to the cowboy doorman, smoking a cigarette with him. Murdo walked to stand next to Dad. That’s them all away, he said.

Yeah, said Dad.

When the cab arrived Dad made to lift the accordeon-case but Murdo kept a grip on it, settled it into the boot next to the ruck-sack. He got into the rear passenger seat, and Dad in the other. Declan sat next to the driver who was a white guy and knew all about the oil industry and maybe worked in it himself at one time or else knew people who did. Him and Declan spoke about working offshore and named actual rigs and famous guys who worked on them. Quite interesting stuff — Dad was listening — but Murdo was just tired, probably he dozed most of the way.

*

Dad had the key to the room which was on the ground level. A couple of chairs were along from the door. Inside two single beds and a double. The double was nearest the door and had Declan’s stuff on it. Him and Dad had six-packs of beer in the room. Declan lifted one and returned outside for a smoke.

Dad sat on the edge of the bed nearest the opposite wall. So the one in the middle was for Murdo. He yawned, lowered the rucksack and accordeon-case down on the floor between the two, and sat on the edge of his, elbows on his knees and hands clasped, gazing at the floor. Ye hungry? said Dad, after a moment.

Yeah! Murdo smiled.

There’s sandwiches in the fridge.

Great. Murdo continued to sit there.

Tired?

Yeah.

I’ll not ask what ye’ve been up to! Ye can understand but I was worried.

Yeah Dad, I’m sorry.

I dont mean for ye to apologize, I’m just saying.

I’ll pay back the money.

It doesnay matter about the money.

Well I will.

Murdo it’s not an issue. It’s just how I worry, ye know. I’m yer father. I cannay help it. People worry.

Dad I phoned Aunt Maureen.

I know, it was good ye did.

Murdo sighed, he leaned to drag over the rucksack.

Dad watched him a moment. We have to talk about things. I mean ye must know it cant happen. They’re not going to change their rules for ye son, they’re not going do that.

I’m not asking them to.

It doesnay matter what Diego said. It would be great if things worked that way, but they dont.

Murdo had unzipped the main rucksack compartment and was poking around inside. He yawned then rose from the bed with his toilet bag and some clothes.

Son ye’ve got to let me speak.

Dad I need a shower.

No. They’ve all been speaking except me.

Well I’ve not been speaking either.

Okay so now’s the time.

Yeah but if I can shower first. We can talk after. Dad there will be time.

No there wont. You’ll come out the shower and fall into bed, I know what like ye are after a gig.

Murdo groaned.

Hey, I’m not the baddy here. It’s just I’m worried. Come on, sit down a minute.

I would rather stand.

They’re all in the right and it’s me in the wrong.

Ye’re not in the wrong Dad.

Of course I am. I’m the only one saying no! no! ye’re too young, how will ye manage! Dad shook his head. Seriously, he said. Nay wonder I get irritated. They go home and sleep at night. I dont. How can I? How can I?

Dad!

No. I just lie there, worrying. Bloody Mexico! You’re no going to Mexico Murdo I dont want ye going there.

Dad it’s Texas.

It’s Mexico. That’s what they mean when they say the Valley.

Dad they mean the border, the Mexican border.

In America it’s the Mexican border, not if ye’re in Mexico; it’s the American border over there. Whatever it is it’s a border. Ye step from there to there. It’s a line son not a place.

I thought it was a river.

Dad looked at him. It’s a nightmare. That’s what it is: killings and murders; dope smugglers, private armies. I’ve got to tell ye what I think — ye might no like it — it’s a fantasy.

Dad what’s a fantasy?

This; what ye’re talking about.

It’s everybody else as well.

Yeah — except me, everybody except me. They all know and I dont. I’ll tell ye something son people here go about in a stupor. They dont seem to know anything. Dad walked a couple of steps, shaking his head. Seriously, he said, it’s kind of strange. They dont seem to know anything at all about what goes on in the world; politics and history. Geography! What a joke! It’s a bloody dream world; that’s what they’re living in.

Dad we’re only talking about music.

Oh are we! Is that what we’re talking about? I’ve been with Declan all day, away and tell him that. He’s a musician too if ye remember.

Of course I remember, he’s a brilliant guitarist.

Yeah well…

Dad, he is.

Dad shrugged. I’m no disputing it. Actually it makes my case. How come he works offshore? Eh? He hardly does any gigs at all. He’s not even part-time, he’s just once in a blue moon. That was a one-off last Saturday. And how much do ye think he got paid for it?

It’s not my business.

Seriously, how much? Think about it son. I’m talking the practicalities.

Murdo shrugged.

How much did Queen Monzee-ay get paid for tonight?

Aw Dad.

No. I’m only asking the question. Ye’ve got to. Never mind you and the girl and the other guys. Did ye ever hear about the big opera star that came to Glasgow for a one-off concert and got paid a million dollars? D’ye know what the orchestra got? Bugger all. Nothing. None of the orchestra got paid a penny.

What d’ye mean?

I’m not meaning anything except what I’m saying. If that was Queen Monzee-ay’s only gig in the past six months, how much did she get paid?

Murdo frowned.

And is that to last her another six months?

I dont know what ye mean.

Is that how long it’ll take her to get another gig?

Dad she’s retired.

Dont fall for that one, retired, it’s only rich people retire son the rest of us stagger on. It’s just people wont give ye the right wage for the job. They want somebody young because they dont have to pay them so much. So you’re left twiddling yer thumbs. What I’m saying is it’s a struggle and a fight, a total fight.

Queen Monzee-ay fights.

Sure she does. All I’m saying is ye’ve got to ask these questions. How does she get by? Is she on an old age pension?

I dont know Dad how do I know! Murdo shook his head. Jeesoh Dad.

I’m only asking.

The family has the store. That’s her store. She bought it when she was making money.

Right, replied Dad, okay. So that keeps her going. What about the rest of the family?

How do I know?

I’m only asking.

Well Dad ye’re better asking her. I’m no being cheeky.

I know ye’re not. Dad nodded. It is interesting but, when ye think about it in that way. Likes of the Gathering, when Declan played the gig, nobody paid to get in. Did ye notice?

They paid at the entrance.

That was for the actual Gathering Murdo. That was yer ticket for the whole thing. Everything that was there. That was what ye paid for. All the games and prizes and the kids’ competitions, bouncy castles, everything. Yer entrance ticket paid the lot. The dance too. That dance band, how much did they get paid? Add in yer traveling costs and the rest of it. These guys needed a truck for all their sound equipment. Plus they had two roadies.