Xu Xiaobin - Dunhuang Dream

Zhang Shu was silent. He couldn’t bear to see her tearful eyes because he wouldn’t be able to restrain himself from taking her in his arms and kissing her. But he had no desire to make such a mistake again.

She always made him think of his childhood and remember that departed age. It was heartbreaking to think about it.

11

Yu’er arrived very late.

She floated in like a red cloud. She was dressed entirely in bright red, which served to accentuate the golden nature of her skin.

She had just bathed and smelled good. Her hair was bright and shiny, and she left her bangs over her forehead, which appeared high and bright. The middle of her forehead just above the bridge of her nose was especially pronounced in the light, not to mention her high nose and long eyebrows. Zhang Shu wondered what kind of fortune Dayejisi would read in her face.

Yu’er stripped off her red coat in her practiced fashion, revealing her clinging garments which were made in the old way, painstakingly embroidered by the Yugur people. A black goat was embroidered on the front and back of her top because it was either an auspicious animal or a magic charm. The vest was so short that the lower part of her breasts shown out from the bottom, which was certainly more dazzling than wearing nothing at all.

Zhang Shu lay on the bed and fanned himself with a rush fan without so much as glancing at her.

When he felt the warmth of her body, he wanted to say something but held his tongue. She pressed her soft, warm lips to his. The long kiss made him feel dizzy.

He opened his eyes to be dazzled by her golden skin. He pushed her away as she blocked a ray of light, which left him in the dark.

“What’s wrong?” came her surprised voice.

He was silent as the light continued to play before his eyes.

“What’s the matter with you?” she said tearfully as if feeling wronged.

He looked up and saw her sobbing, her chin quivering. The tears came quickly. He looked down at her breasts and saw her chest was heaving dramatically. Each time she sobbed, the lower half of her breasts would shudder. He was suddenly filled with a strong desire. He wanted to hear her cry in a different way; see a different expression of pain appear on her face; see her bathed in different tears. He suddenly turned brutal, pinning her arms behind her back and gripping them with one hand while mercilessly grabbing her hair with his other hand and yanking as if he were going to pull it out by the roots. Her golden hair blinded him like a banner of the sun rays. In the course of struggling she began to feel the desire to be dominated, which was more pleasant than sexual desire. He suddenly smelled an unusual fragrance and one that worked like a hallucinogen, his body sank, shattered, and melted in the delicate fragrance. The stars seemed to shine on her shoulders like specks of crystal, then an orange moon appeared, illuminating her shoulders. He felt her, but touched nothing. “You’re a demon,” he struggled to say. Her eyes flashed. Only then did he realize it was her eyes.

12

Yu’er came to and the first thing she heard was, “Go away. And don’t come back again.”

She opened her eyes. Her body was still moving rhythmically like a torrent rising and falling over a sand hill. Through the fog of confusion she saw that face, as cold and barren as a salt flat on which nothing would grow. She opened her mouth, but no sound came out.

“Do you understand what I said?”

Yes, she understood. Her eyebrows arched, then formed a black mass. Her eyes, as bright as the moon and stars, suddenly darkened into two deep, dark wells beyond the light, reflecting nothing back at him save a chilling cold.

“If you understand, then go and don’t come back again!” he repeated again, exhausted.

She was stunned for a while and then suddenly she swung her head, laughing madly, as her golden hair danced Medusalike. Zhang Shu felt as if a thousand whips had lashed his face, the pain of which woke him. Her laughter at once reminded him of the old woman at Cave 73. It was the sound of someone herding animals on the plains.

“You mean Han Chinese! My mom was right! There are no good Han Chinese. I tell you, I never loved you, never! My dad says you have splendid look, so I came to you to practice tantric yoga.”

“Your dad? Didn’t you say your dad had passed away?” Zhang Su eyed her coldly.

“What do you mean? He’s alive and kicking. I fooled you. You think you’re so smart, but you fell for it. Don’t you feel stupid?”

He sneered, “I know you have been lying to me — even the painting is a fake. The one that was stolen from Cave Seventy-three is the real one. Here, here’s your painting!” He threw the painting in her lap. That golden Medusa’s head suddenly ceased moving like a dead snake and hung, covering half her bright golden face in darkness. One big pitch dark eye could be seen staring at him from beneath her long lashes.

Many years later when recalling that moment, he still felt its falsity. Its falsity stemmed from its drama, the artificiality of the drama. It was as if two fine performers were asked to act in a second-rate play. Although the two might perform well, they still could not overcome a certain rigid structure, no doubt because the spark of imagination was lacking.

She slapped his face. She lashed out because there was nothing left to say. By striking him so viciously, she felt she was continuing some sexually abusive game. He felt as if he had been struck by cold, hard steel. From the time they had first started making love, he had suspected that her hands weren’t human and had avoided her touch. And now he found himself entirely enveloped by that cold, metallic feeling.

It was the first time in his life that he had been slapped so, and it was by a woman. For the longest time, all he felt was that cold, metallic sensation. When that red cloud lifted, he had no idea.

13

That night, Chen Qing told a story about the “transparent tablet.”

A black and shiny jade tablet is located in the Thousand Buddhist Caves. But a long time ago it was snow white and as transparent as a mirror. According to legend, this piece of jade was brought to the Thousand Buddhist Caves when the King of Yutian and the Tang princess were married. To show his gratitude, the old monk of the cave had the artisans paint the King of Yutians portrat in the cave and had the jade carved into a tablet and installed on the right wall on the south side of the Nine-Story Pagoda. When people from all quarters came to visit the Thousand Buddhist Caves and stood before the tablet, an animal shape would be reflected in the tablet. It was very odd. When someone stood there, the reflection would appear; when nobody stood there, no reflection appeared. Later it was said that the animal reflected in the tablet was in fact the original appearance of the person! Everyone was intrigued by this phenomenon, so people came to stand before the tablet to see their original shape.

In the days when the Red Army was on the rise, there was a bandit here in our northwest by the name of Ma Bufang, who thought very highly of himself. He came here to see his original shape, expecting to see a dragon, a phoenix, or some such noble beast, but what he saw was a black ass. He had his wife and son and daughter come and stand before the tablet. Huh! They were all jackasses!

In a fit of rage, Ma Bufang had the tablet burned. When the fire burned out, the tablet was found unharmed, but had unfortunately turned black, and therefore unable to reflect.

14

Zhang Shu had a hard time falling asleep that night. Later he heard someone crying nearby. It was a deep, hoarse sound, like that of an old woman. First, he covered his head with his blanket, but the sound still penetrated like some sharp metal instrument, slowly grating on his nerves. It floated in the stubborn darkness, faintly discernible, as if it were coming one moment from miles away and from inches away the next. He slowly sat up.