Joanna Kavenna - The Birth of Love

Correction, for ‘mother’ the record will read egg donor. And for ‘children’ the record will read progeny of the species. And for ‘parents’ the record will read sperm and egg donors.

Now of course this is no longer the case.

How did it come to pass that you left Darwin C, Prisoner 730004?

I had a dream. I dreamed of torrents of blood. I was swimming in a sea of blood. In my dream I was encased in blood. Yet I was not drowning. It was astonishing but I could breathe in the blood. I was drinking the blood and I liked the taste of it. In my dream I understood that the blood held all the nourishment I needed. I felt very peaceful and happy. Perhaps I was even smiling as I drank down blood. When I woke from this dream I was sweating and crying. I woke in my space in sector 1125 Darwin C and I thought of all the millions of souls waking in their small spaces too and I cried out in anguish for something I had never known.

And you attached significance to this random twitching of neurons?

I was profoundly affected by it. My life changed utterly. I could no longer perform my job — my allocated role, I mean.

Please explain what your allocated role was.

I worked at the nurture grounds, in sector 1126.

Your area of specialisation?

I cared for babies of six months to a year. I loved what I did though I felt deeply sad that I could not have a child myself.

Correction, for ‘child’ and ‘babies’ record progeny of the species. Your eggs were classified as deficient, Prisoner 730004?

No, I believe they passed the test.

So they have generated many progeny of the species.

I do not mean children that I will never meet and who were generated in a laboratory using sperm from men I will never know. I mean children of my own womb, grown and nurtured by my own body.

On behalf of the Protectors we are obliged to advise you that the expression of such statements will not help your case at all, as they constitute a grave threat to the survival of the species and cannot, for the common good, despite the generosity and forbearance of the Protectors, be sanctioned.

I am sorry. I was trying to answer your question.

These dangerous anti-species opinions were shared by all of your group?

It was not something we spoke about. It is a private matter, the yearning of the sterilised body to procreate … I do not know how other women endure it.

We assume that other egg donors understand that it is necessary for the survival of the species that we regulate procreation. That we select from a crop of harvested eggs and only place the most superior in the Genetix, fertilised only by the most superior sperm. That we filter out genetic deficiencies. Such deficiencies and your egomaniacal fixations are luxuries the species can no longer allow itself, if it is to survive.

I am aware of the arguments for the Genetix. I am merely explaining my own emotions.

I am afraid this is where you and your group have been in error. You have glutted yourselves on emotions, without a single thought for the Collective. Did you consider what would happen if everyone behaved as you have?

I am afraid we did not. We were compelled … I was compelled, I cannot speak for the others, by an overwhelming desire to leave Darwin C.

And if everyone left the Protection Zone and set up farms in the Restricted Area what would happen?

I do not know. I am no prophet.

You don’t need to be a prophet to understand the basic laws of supply and demand. I assume you attended Species Survival Courses A, B and C?

Yes, I did. They were compulsory.

And you were taught there that given current climatic instability and the grave perils of overpopulation and shortage of resources, we must make various personal sacrifices for the species to survive the current crisis?

Yes, I was taught this.

Were the arguments persuasive?

I lacked the knowledge to disagree with them. I have no idea what is really happening to the planet, even now.

But you acknowledge that the climate has changed violently.

Yes, I think it has since I was young. But I do not know what this means.

What it means, Prisoner 730004, is that the Collective and the Protectorate and the proposals established for species protection must prevail. It means that to defy these proposals is to aim at the annihilation of the species. Under Proposal 113 of the Darwinian Protectorate auto-genocide is forbidden, you realise?

Yes, I have been told this.

You were taught it in Species Survival B part 7, were you not?

I can’t remember exactly when it was that I was taught it but yes I know I have been told it.

And do you understand that the reason we are all accommodated in cities such as Darwin C is to conserve as much land as possible for mass-scale farming to support our species?

I have no real knowledge of anything but yes this is something I have heard.

You were taught it in Species Survival B part 2, were you not?

I can’t remember the details. I was a poor scholar. But I have a recollection that something like this was explained to me, yes.

So, when you left the city to set up your own farm you knew you and your group were disobeying the most serious proposals of our Collective? Proposals which have been established to protect the species as a whole?

As I said, we knew that it was not what we had been told to do, or rather I knew, I cannot speak for the others, but such was our — my — craving … I was guided by desire, by my yearning for the island …

Correction, Lofoten 4a, Arctic Circle sector 111424.

… and for the countryside and besides it was becoming too great a torment to work at the nurture grounds any more.

Because of your egomaniacal fixations?

Because of my sense of profound grief that I would never birth my own baby …

Correction, progeny of the species. Had you been taking the advised doses of hormone readjustment, Prisoner 730004?

I had.

So you are arguing that you felt this craving despite taking the advised daily dose?

Yes, my yearning transcended these suppressants. My yearning burst out and made me wretched.

So this was when your group was formed?

I had remained in contact with friends from my homeland.

From Lofoten 4a, Arctic Circle sector 111424. And who was it that devised the plan to abandon your posts and desert to the Restricted Area?

I don’t think there was a single person. I think gradually we came to understand each other. We had so many ancient ties in common. Our understanding was very profound. I am not sure we ever really spoke about our deepest yearnings, to depart. But we understood each other anyway.

You are proposing that you never planned to leave? That it just happened spontaneously?

It was not spontaneous. It happened slowly. But yes, it happened amongst us, without anyone really saying anything. For a long time no one dared to speak. But then there came a time when everything was clear to us, when we knew — we knew everything about each other, without having spoken much at all.

Prisoner 730004, you are making no sense. Why don’t you tell us — in plain speak — who the woman known as Birgitta is?

I am not sure I can.

The Protectors value truth and it pains them to hear lies.

Please do not insult them by lying in this way. Your lies are wasted anyway as we are searching for this woman known as Birgitta throughout sector 111243. So we ask you to explain exactly who she is, before we take her and ask her ourselves.

She is many things.

Such as?

Well, she is entwined with many forces. There is an old idea we found out … someone knew of this phrase — the Magna Mater. Somehow Birgitta is entwined with this phrase.

You will explain yourself in plain speak, Prisoner 730004.