Carol Birch - Orphans of the Carnival

Ezra said, ‘Shoot.’

Theo looked straight at her, as if he could hear her thoughts.

‘Shoot,’ said Ezra.

She looked away.

‘So I hear there may be changes afoot,’ Berniece said, sitting up to pour herself another drink.

‘What?’

‘What?’ Berniece mimicked Ezra. ‘Julia is considering her options. Opportunity is knocking.’

‘Oh,’ said Ezra, ‘what’s turned up, Julia?’

‘Nothing definite.’

‘Some flash dandy creeping in sideways to take her away,’ said Theo, smiling as if it was all a great joke. ‘And she’s my bread and butter. What do I do now?’

‘Well,’ said Ezra, ‘I’m sure you’ll make the right decision, Julia. Shoot.’

Theo lost heavily.

‘If I were you,’ Ezra pulled in his winnings, ‘I’d consider all angles very carefully. I don’t know about all this chopping and changing. Enough that you’re in this business without you go changing the faces you know all the time for the ones you don’t. That’s what I think. I’m not passing Cato round like a parcel.’

There was a silence.

Theo rolled the dice.

‘What happens if we have our own baby, Ezra?’ asked Berniece.

‘Then we have that too.’

Berniece jumped up. ‘I want to go on the roof. Come on, Ezra,’ she shook his shoulder, ‘let’s go up on the roof.’

‘Later.’

‘You’re boring,’ she said. He was about to roll the dice when she punched him hard on the side of his arm, and he dropped them on the floor.

‘Christ!’ he yelled, giving her a push which wouldn’t have amounted to much under normal circumstances, but she was tottering already and her feet flew out from under her. Down she came, landing awkwardly and catching her back on the sharp edge of a drawer that had been left sticking out. She burst into tears, jerked upright and ran out of the room. They heard her stagger down the corridor, bouncing between the walls.

‘She’s going to the roof,’ said Julia. ‘She’s not safe.’

Ezra was on his knees, looking for the dice. ‘One of them’s rolled under the wardrobe,’ he said heavily.

‘Aren’t you going after her?’ asked Theo.

‘It’s gone right to the back,’ Ezra said.

‘You should go after her, Ezra,’ said Julia. ‘She might fall off the roof.’

‘Let her fall,’ said Ezra flatly.

‘You’d feel terrible now if she did,’ Theo said.

Ezra stood up, fat lower lip hanging childishly. ‘I’m not going after her,’ he said, tossing the dice onto the table.

Theo stood with a sigh and a stoic air. ‘I’ll go,’ he said, and walked out.

An embarrassed air hung in the room.

‘I think she’s too young,’ said Ezra bleakly.

‘I’m off to bed,’ said Julia, tired of them all. She left Ezra sitting forlornly in front of the abandoned crap game. Half an hour later, he tapped on her door, and she answered in her nightgown. She’d been lying awake trying to imagine Vienna, which she imagined like the pictures of Vauxhall Gardens, with nicely dressed people strolling around in a leafy parkland.

‘What the hell are they doing up there?’ Ezra said. ‘This isn’t fair.’

‘Are they still on the roof?’

‘I’m going up,’ said Ezra, ‘this is a bad way to behave. I put up with a lot.’

‘I know you do.’

‘Shall I go up?’ he asked.

‘Oh, I don’t know, Ezra. Maybe they’ll be down in a minute.’

‘I’m going up. I’ll go quiet and catch them at it.’

She closed the door. I don’t care, she thought, getting into bed. I’m leaving. He can do whatever he likes. She blew out the candle and closed her eyes but her mind couldn’t rest, and a few minutes later she heard voices on the landing. Theo saying, ‘Don’t involve me in this,’ the sound of his door closing, then Ezra, ‘It’s really feeble, you know, the way you’ve been throwing yourself at him.’

Berniece said, ‘So?’

Their voices went muffled into their room, and a few minutes later someone knocked on the door. Julia groaned.

It was Berniece, with white face and bloodshot eyes. ‘Can I stay here tonight?’ she said, trying to push her way into the room.

‘No,’ said Julia, pushing back.

‘Leave Julia alone.’ Ezra was there, pulling on Berniece’s arm. Julia closed the door but the scuffling about and the voices went on till the sound of someone hammering on Theo’s door brought her out again. She saw Theo’s face, half scared, half amused, peeping through the crack of his door. He’d been listening, you could tell. ‘Aren’t you making a lot out of a very little?’ he asked before anything could be said.

‘If you want her you can have her,’ Ezra said. ‘She can do what she wants.’

‘Look,’ said Theo in a shaky voice, ‘you’re jumping to ridiculous conclusions.’

Ezra marched back to his door. ‘Go on,’ he said, passing Berniece standing tearful on the landing, ‘there he is.’

‘Ezra!’ Berniece cried.

He started getting all her pathetic things together and putting them out in the passage, stony-faced. Down the hall Angelo’s door opened and faces appeared.

‘Aren’t you over-reacting a bit?’ asked Theo, trying to sound sensible.

Mrs Vels came up and stood at the head of the stairs watching with her arms folded. ‘Is there trouble in my house?’ she asked loudly.

‘Ezra!’ screamed Berniece.

‘I’m sorry, Mrs Vels,’ said Ezra, ‘really really sorry. Shut up, Berniece.’

Berniece gave a little scream, put her hands on either side of her face as if she was holding her head on, and flew into Theo’s room, pushing him in and slamming the door.

‘There,’ said Ezra, ‘it’s all sorted out now, Mrs Vels. Sorry.’

‘I will not have trouble in my house,’ said Mrs Vels.

‘No trouble,’ said Ezra, in and out of the room with things.

‘No trouble, sir,’ she said, ‘or you must leave.’

‘No, no trouble, I promise. All over.’ Ezra straightened, attempting a smile. Mrs Vels retreated, Angelo’s door closed and everything was quiet again. Cato appeared, standing in his long nightie, holding onto the door frame.

‘It’s like having two babies now instead of one,’ said Ezra. ‘What’ll I do?’

Everything’s breaking up, Julia thought.

Cato didn’t want to go back to bed. She had to sit with him while Ezra got him a drink. ‘Tell you what,’ he said, ‘if they go off together and leave us high and dry, you could come with me and Cato. We’d do all right. Me and Cato, we’re going home when all this is over and you could come with us. You could come anyway, if you wanted to. Berniece wouldn’t mind.’

The door opened quietly. Berniece came in and sat down on the chair by the abandoned crap game.

‘I’ll go now,’ said Julia.

Berniece started to sob.

Cato mewed and ran to her. As Julia left, he was wiping her face with the sleeve of his nightie.

Theo sat alone in a corner of the tavern watching the comings and goings. It wasn’t yet mid-day, but he needed the hair of the dog. Last night was crazy. This Berniece thing. Mad. There’d been a horrible moment there when he’d thought he was going to be stuck with her, when she barged into his room and threw herself down in tears on his bed. Christ, it was only a kiss. What the hell. But she’d only wanted to lie there and moan for a bit.

What now? This morning, with a sense of shame, he’d got up and sneaked out without seeing anyone, walked along the banks of the river for an hour to clear his head, stood on a bridge and looked at the sunlight jigging on the water. When he turned away, he’d been near blind and bumbled along blinking till he hit this tavern. He leaned back and smoked, dipping his finger in some spilt beer and making patterns on the surface of the table. Few more shows and they were through here. Julia was leaving him. All this stuff, offers, contracts — all getting out of hand. And if not now, then soon. Off with the highest bidder some starry night, just like he’d said. Or back home to Mexico.