Carol Birch - Orphans of the Carnival

‘With music. The woman has a voice, but not to match yours.’

Ezra came up beside him with Cato. ‘Seen Berniece?’

‘No,’ said Theo, standing aside. Cato ambled in, mumbling sleepily to himself, attached himself to Julia’s skirt with his fists and closed his eyes.

‘He’s supposed to be asleep,’ said Ezra. ‘He won’t go off without her.’

‘I heard her go out about mid-day,’ Julia said. She’d heard their voices next door, Ezra’s high and complaining, Berniece’s faintly mocking. Then Berniece had left, slamming the door behind her and whistling her way downstairs.

It was two o’clock now. The afternoon threatened rain.

‘Can I leave him here for a bit?’ said Ezra. ‘He won’t stay on his own. I’m going down to the showground, see if she’s there.’

‘Of course,’ said Julia, prising Cato’s fingers from her skirt and leading him to the bed. ‘Lie down here now,’ she said. ‘Here we are, let me move this pillow.’

He lay down, still mumbling. His fingers were wet and had left marks on her skirt. ‘Close your eyes now,’ she said. Ezra went to get his boots and Theo followed, talking excitedly about the Cricket, Vienna, opportunity. ‘Goddamn it, he’s moved my boots again,’ she heard Ezra say. She sighed. ‘I need my afternoon sleep too,’ she told Cato. Already he was beginning to snore softly. Someone came running up the stairs, much too light to be Mrs Vels, and Berniece appeared at the door, flushed and cheery.

‘Julia!’ she said, leaning in, fanning herself with a couple of letters she was holding. She crossed the room with clumsy, drunken grace. ‘And here’s my little man!’

‘He’s asleep,’ said Julia, raising a finger to her lips.

They were drinkers, Ezra and Berniece, but she’d never seen either of them this drunk this early in the day before.

‘Oh sure, sure, I’ll take him off your hands.’ Berniece leaned over the bed, an invisible cloud of ale and orris root wafting out from her. ‘There’s letters for you, Julia.’

‘Letters?’

She held them out. ‘Just arrived. Vels gave them to me as I was coming up.’

Julia looked at them, surprised. ‘Who are they from?’

Berniece hiccupped loudly and laughed, squaring her shoulders to lift Cato. ‘Well, how would I know that, darling? Ez!’ Surprisingly strong, she hauled Cato up, and he flopped over her arms, open-mouthed.

‘Here,’ she said when Ezra appeared in the doorway, ‘take him.’

Julia slipped the letters under her pillow quickly.

‘Where’ve you been?’ Ezra looked embarrassed. ‘I was just about to go and look for you.’

‘Nowhere,’ said Berniece, sinking down into a chair and swinging her legs over the side. ‘Ez!’ She pulled pins out of her hair. ‘Fetch me a drink.’

‘I’m not getting you a drink, Niece,’ said Ezra, Cato over his shoulder like a sack. ‘And Julia doesn’t want you in her room in that condition.’

‘What condition?’ Berniece threw a hairpin at him, but he grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet. ‘Come on,’ he said, ‘Give Julia some peace.’

She trailed after him, hair half up, half down. ‘You’re a pal for looking after my little beast, Julia,’ she said.

‘My pleasure,’ said Julia, closing the door gratefully and locking it. She could hear them on the landing with Theo, and knew that Berniece, drunk-silly, would be flirting with Theo. That’s what she did, He never responded, except occasionally to meet Julia’s eyes and smile and raise his eyebrows as if to say, what can I do? And Julia would feel gratified that he did so, but irritated anyway by the slender grace of Berniece as she flopped tipsily around in front of him.

Julia ripped open the first letter, read it twice in the window’s light, ripped open the second and read that too. Then she read them both again slowly. I believe your career should move away from vaudeville and into the concert hall… classical training… culture. A more refined audience than perhaps you have been used to. And this other one. Offers. More money. Numbers.

I could leave, she thought. These are good offers. I could live in Vienna. Friederike would introduce me to all her friends.

She closed the shutters and lay down. But I’m with Theo, she thought. What did I sign? I did sign something but it was ages ago.

What would Delia and Myrtle say? Got lax, girl. Get it in writing. Know your worth. He’s only a manager. Her eyes filled with tears. Only a manager like Rates or Beach. I could leave him. I’m free.

She pulled Yatzi from under the pillow. ‘What shall I do?’ she asked him.

‘I’ve had a couple of offers,’ she said next day.

They were at the circus; she’d just finished a show, and she was still veiled. It was easier veiled.

‘Offers?’ Theo had been packing her costume into a case, but he stopped and looked up.

‘Oh yes,’ she said, ‘one looks quite interesting.’

‘What?’ he said. ‘What offers? Who said? How do you know?’

‘I got a couple of letters,’ she said casually.

‘ I didn’t see any letters.’

‘Why would you, Theo?’

‘Can I see?’

‘I don’t have them on me.’

He frowned. ‘Where are they?’

‘Back in my room, of course.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ He sounded hurt.

‘Didn’t seem important. I haven’t really thought about them yet.’

‘But why didn’t you tell me?’ He snapped the case shut. ‘Didn’t you want me to look them over? I wish you’d tell me these things, Julia.’

‘Oh well,’ she said casually. ‘Sorry, Theo. I just wanted to think about them for a bit.’ She turned away, fiddling with her hair. ‘We’d have to think quite seriously about things if I decide — I mean, I need to see — what was it I signed up to? Am I obliged to work out a certain period of time?’

Theo groaned.

‘What’s the matter?’ she said.

He closed his eyes. ‘You’re not seriously…’

He felt as if she’d thumped him in the stomach. A wriggling clot of emotions tightened his gut, too tangled to unknot.

‘Of course not,’ she said as if it was nothing, ‘Just a possibility, that’s all. Don’t worry, I won’t do anything without a lot of careful thought.’

But he stood looking stricken. ‘Oh my God,’ he said, and she was sorry, so sorry for him, but turned away.

‘Don’t be silly, Theo,’ she said. ‘You know this business better than anyone. You know everyone moves on all the time. It’s something we have to face.’

She pushed through a flap into a tented area full of props and ropes and buckets, where Ezra sat playing cards with a couple of men. They looked sideways at her, knowing full well what was under that veil. Berniece was looking on, biting her nails, Cato next to her.

‘Damn carriage is late,’ Berniece said. She’d been drinking.

Julia nodded. They sat in silence for a while.

‘I might not stay with Theo much longer,’ she said. ‘I’m considering options.’

‘Really?’ Berniece perked up. ‘You had a fight?’

‘Of course not. Why do you say that?’

Berniece stuck out her lower lip. ‘I don’t know. Just seems sudden.’

‘I’ve had an offer. Two actually.’

Theo appeared. ‘Carriage is here,’ he said sulkily.

‘Ez!’ Berniece threw down the stub of her cigar and stamped on it, staggering sideways.

Back at the house, Julia watched the other three drink far too much. Cato was in bed. Down the corridor Angelo was entertaining a bunch of raucous acrobats in his room overlooking the street. Berniece lay on the floor.

‘Who’s for craps?’ Ezra shook a couple of dice in his fist.

‘Sure,’ said Theo, sitting down at the table. Look at him sulk, she thought. It’s not a marriage, is it? What right has he to sulk?