Elin Hilderbrand - Summer People

And then there was the matter of the baby. Beth marveled that she and David hadn’t ended up in the same pickle so many years ago-thinking back, she couldn’t remember what they had used for birth control. Beth felt sorry for Garrett and disappointed in both him and Piper, although she had to admit, Piper’s decision was mature and responsible. David and Rosie had raised her right, and Beth was mortified to discover that she herself felt much like Garrett-hoping for an abortion, hoping that the whole mess could just be swept under the rug. But no-there was to be a baby in March. Now that it was an undeniable fact, now that Beth had seen the ultrasound photo, her feelings changed. That baby was her grandchild. The mere word made her gasp with disbelief-she was far too young!-but it was true. The baby belonged to all of them. It whispered in Beth’s ear, begging her to stay.

She packed the kitchen and the dining room, leaving only breakfast things. They got sandwiches from Something Natural for lunch and ate strange combinations of leftovers for dinner. The kids were good about helping-they gave Beth their clothes for one final wash and she did all of the beach towels except for two, since Winnie and Marcus wanted to swim right up until the final morning. Beth packed up her room and started cleaning. She dusted every surface in the house with a rag, then bleach and water. She vacuumed all the floors and had Winnie beat the rugs. As long as there were tasks still ahead of her, she had time left. And so she took out all of the screens and sprayed them down with the hose; she rinsed all of the deck furniture. She went into town and bought an approximate match of the kitchen chair she had broken. She delivered a big bag of perishables to Mrs. Colchester, and because the woman wasn’t home, Beth left the bag on the front porch with a note that said, “Another summer ending!”

Then, with less than a day left-they were leaving on the 9:30 boat the next morning-Beth decided to broach the topic with the twins that gnawed at her insides. She couldn’t leave the island without doing so.

She found Garrett in his room neatly folding shirts and shorts and putting them in his suitcase, but Winnie had to be called up from the beach. Beth promised Marcus, “I’ll only borrow her for a few minutes.” Once she had the twins in the same place, the upstairs hallway, as it happened, she took a deep breath.

“I need you to show me the place where you put Daddy’s ashes,” she said.

They nodded, as though this request were long overdue. Gar-rett abandoned his packing and Winnie yelled from the edge of the deck to Marcus. “I have this thing to do. I’ll be back in a little while.”

The three of them walked silently out to the Rover, where Beth climbed into the backseat. It was late afternoon, sunny, a gorgeous day in early September. Garrett sailed up the Polpis Road, a section of Nantucket Beth had always found beautiful, with handsome homes along the road, and winding dirt roads that led to either the harbor or the moors. She studied the backs of the twins’ heads. There was something odd about sitting in the backseat while they drove. It was the role reversal-years and years had passed with Arch and Beth up front and the kids in the back. Beth supposed she should be sad, but what she felt was freedom. She didn’t have to be responsible; she could let them lead the way.

With them facing forward, it was also easier for her to bring up the crazy idea that had been festering in her head the past few days.

“What if we stayed?” she said.

Garrett reached for the volume knob of the radio and turned it down. “Did you say something, Mom?”

Beth cleared her throat. “I did. I asked you, What if we stayed?”

Winnie turned her head, though not far enough to meet Beth’s eyes. “Stayed where?”

“Stayed on Nantucket. This year. What would you think?”

“No way,” Garrett said.

“You could go to Nantucket High School,” Beth said. “We could get heat for the house. A furnace! And we’ll put in a phone. When the baby is born, I could take care of him or her. Piper wouldn’t have to put the baby up for adoption. I mean, you guys will be going to college next year, anyway, and I could, you know, live on Nantucket and raise the baby.” Her voice gained strength and conviction, like the plan was a dream she was remembering more vividly as she kept talking. Raise the baby herself, of course! With occasional help from David. Piper and Garrett could visit all the time, whenever they wanted, but their baby would be like a much younger sibling instead of their child. It would be a real Nantucket baby, who would grow up in Horizon, the fifth generation of Beth’s family to sleep under its roof. The idea of the baby, the bassinet, the stroller Beth would push while jogging, the outfits she still had from when Winnie and Garrett were young, the wooden toys, the silver spoon that would deliver pureed pears and sweet potatoes into the tiny pink mouth-it all sounded so superior to returning to New York that Beth was crushed when Winnie snapped her fingers and said, “Mom! Earth to Mom! Return to reality!”

“The baby is going to be put up for adoption,” Garrett said.

“And we’re going back to New York,” Winnie said. “That’s where we live.”

“But your father-”

“Dad would want us to go back to New York,” Garrett said. “And finish at Danforth.”

“Is here, ” Beth said. “Your father is here.”

As if on cue, Garrett hit the turn signal and directed the car down the road to Quidnet. Beth sealed her mouth. She was losing her mind. Stay on Nantucket?Keep the baby?She was talking nonsense. She was trying to make these minutes in the car be about something other than what they were really about. They were really about going to see the place where Arch’s ashes were scattered. Thinking about the ashes meant thinking about the decision to cremate, those wretched days in the apartment with all the people drinking coffee and preparing Beth sandwiches that she couldn’t possibly eat. It meant thinking about the day the doorman called up to say she’d received a package and opening the box that contained the urn, sent to her via UPS like it was something she’d ordered from a catalog.

Garrett drove through a thicket of trees and then Beth saw a meadow and on the far side of the meadow, the harbor. The water shimmered in the late afternoon sun. Garrett pulled over. He opened the door and helped Beth out like she was an invalid.

“This is it,” Garrett said.

She couldn’t have wished for a more beautiful spot. It was flat and calm and quiet. It was everything a final resting place should be.

“All these years on Nantucket,” she said. “And I’ve never been here.”

“Dad and I discovered it,” Garrett said proudly.

Winnie and Garrett each took one of Beth’s hands and the three of them stepped out into the meadow. Beth bowed her head. Thank you, she said-to God or to Arch, she wasn’t sure- thank you for this, the most awful summer of our lives. As crazy and gut-wrenching as it was, we made it. We are stronger. We are closer. We are still standing here, together, a family.

To her children, she said, “When I die, will you bring my remains here?Will you put me here with Daddy?”

Winnie rested her head on Beth’s shoulder. “We don’t want you to die.”

“But when I do…”

“We’ll bring you here,” Garrett promised.

The next morning, Beth woke at six and went downstairs to tend to the last details of leaving: a note for Carl Drake, the caretaker, breakfast for the kids, all of the trash taken out. Beth looked at the ocean as often as she could. Impossible to believe that tomorrow it would be Park Avenue. But that, really, was the story of her life.