Mark Haddon - The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

And Grandmother has pictures in her head, too, but her pictures are all confused, like someone has muddled the film up and she can’t tell what happened in what order, so she thinks that dead people are still alive and she doesn’t know whether something happened in real life or whether it happened on television.

127.When I got home from school Father was still out at work, so I unlocked the front door and went inside and took my coat off. I went into the kitchen and put my things on the table. And one of the things was this book which I had taken into school to show to Siobhan. I made myself a raspberry milk shake and heated it up in the microwave and then went through to the living room to watch one of my Blue Planet videos about life in the deepest parts of the ocean.

The video was about the sea creatures who live around sulfur chimneys, which are underwater volcanoes where gases are ejected from the earth’s crust into the water. Scientists never expected there to be any living organisms there because it was so hot and so poisonous, but there are whole ecosystems there.

I like this bit because it shows you that there is always something new that science can discover, and all the facts that you take for granted can be completely wrong. And also I like the fact that they are filming in a place which is harder to get to than the top of Mount Everest but is only a few miles away from sea level. And it is one of the quietest and darkest and most secret places on the surface of the earth. And I like imagining that I am there sometimes, in a spherical metal submersible with windows that are 50 cm thick to stop them from imploding under the pressure. And I imagine that I am the only person inside it, and that it is not connected to a ship at all but can operate under its own power and I can control the motors and move anywhere I want to on the seabed and I can never be found.

Father came home at 5:48 p.m. I heard him come through the front door. Then he came into the living room. He was wearing a lime green and sky blue check shirt and there was a double knot on one of his shoes but not on the other. He was carrying an old advert for Fussell’s Milk Powder which was made of metal and painted with blue and white enamel and covered with little circles of rust which were like bullet holes, but he didn’t explain why he was carrying this.

He said, “Howdy, pardner,” which is a joke he does.

And I said, “Hello.”

I carried on watching the video and Father went into the kitchen.

I had forgotten that I had left my book lying on the kitchen table because I was too interested in the Blue Planet video. This is what is called Relaxing Your Guard, and it is what you must never do if you are a detective.

It was 5:54 p.m. when Father came back into the living room. He said, “What is this?” but he said it very quietly and I didn’t realize that he was angry because he wasn’t shouting.

He was holding the book in his right hand.

I said, “It’s a book I’m writing.”

And he said, “Is this true? Did you talk to Mrs. Alexander?” He said this very quietly as well, so I still didn’t realize that he was angry.

And I said, “Yes.”

Then he said, “Holy fucking Jesus, Christopher. How stupid are you?”

This is what Siobhan says is called a rhetorical question. It has a question mark at the end, but you are not meant to answer it because the person who is asking it already knows the answer. It is difficult to spot a rhetorical question.

Then Father said, “What the fuck did I tell you, Christopher?” This was much louder.

And I replied, “Not to mention Mr. Shears’s name in our house. And not to go asking Mrs. Shears, or anyone, about who killed that bloody dog. And not to go trespassing in other people’s gardens. And to stop this ridiculous bloody detective game. Except I haven’t done any of those things. I just asked Mrs. Alexander about Mr. Shears because—”

But Father interrupted me and said, “Don’t give me that bollocks, you little shit. You knew exactly what you were bloody doing. I’ve read the book, remember.” And when he said this he held up the book and shook it. “What else did I say, Christopher?”

I thought that this might be another rhetorical question, but I wasn’t sure. I found it hard to work out what to say because I was starting to get scared and confused.

Then Father repeated the question, “What else did I say, Christopher?”

I said, “I don’t know.”

And he said, “Come on. You’re the fucking memory man.”

But I couldn’t think.

And Father said, “Not to go around sticking your fucking nose into other people’s business. And what do you do? You go around sticking your nose into other people’s business. You go around raking up the past and sharing it with every Tom, Dick and Harry you bump into. What am I going to do with you, Christopher? What the fuck am I going to do with you?”

I said, “I was just doing chatting with Mrs. Alexander. I wasn’t doing investigating.”

And he said, “I ask you to do one thing for me, Christopher. One thing.”

And I said, “I didn’t want to talk to Mrs. Alexander. It was Mrs. Alexander who—”

But Father interrupted me and grabbed hold of my arm really hard.

Father had never grabbed hold of me like that before. Mother had hit me sometimes because she was a very hot-tempered person, which means that she got angry more quickly than other people and she shouted more often. But Father was a more levelheaded person, which means he didn’t get angry as quickly and he didn’t shout as often. So I was very surprised when he grabbed me.

I don’t like it when people grab me. And I don’t like being surprised either. So I hit him, like I hit the policeman when he took hold of my arms and lifted me onto my feet. But Father didn’t let go, and he was shouting. And I hit him again. And then I didn’t know what I was doing anymore.

I had no memories for a short while. I know it was a short while because I checked my watch afterward. It was like someone had switched me off and then switched me on again. And when they switched me on again I was sitting on the carpet with my back against the wall and there was blood on my right hand and the side of my head was hurting. And Father was standing on the carpet a meter in front of me looking down at me and he was still holding my book in his right hand, but it was bent in half and all the corners were messed up, and there was a scratch on his neck and a big rip in the sleeve of his green and blue check shirt and he was breathing really deeply.

After about a minute he turned and walked through to the kitchen. Then he unlocked the back door into the garden and went outside. I heard him lift the lid of the dustbin and drop something into it and put the lid of the dustbin back on. Then he came into the kitchen again, but he wasn’t carrying the book anymore. Then he locked the back door again and put the key into the little china jug that is shaped like a fat nun and he stood in the middle of the kitchen and closed his eyes.

Then he opened his eyes and he said, “I need a fucking drink.”

And he got himself a can of beer.

131.These are some of the reasons why I hate yellow and brown:

Custard

Bananas(bananas also turn brown)

Double Yellow Lines

Yellow Fever(which is a disease from tropical America and West Africa which causes a high fever, acute nephritis, jaundice and hemorrhages, and it is caused by a virus transmitted by the bite of a mosquito called Aedes aegypti, which used to be called Stegomyia fasciata; and nephritis is inflammation of the kidneys)