Джей Эшер - What Light

Caleb and I hold the tree between us while she kicks aside magazines and places the stand in the corner. We listen to her go on about how much she loves the smell.

She looks at Caleb, touches her heart, and then claps one time. “Thank you, Caleb. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

A voice calls from the other side of the room, “I think he heard you, Mama.”

Caleb looks at a guy about our age who must be Luis walking out of a narrow hallway. “Hey, man.”

“Luis! Look what Caleb brought to us.”

Luis looks at the tree with an uneasy smile. “Thanks for bringing it over.”

Mrs. Trujillo touches my arm. “Do you go to school with the boys?”

“I live up in Oregon, actually,” I say.

“Her parents own a tree lot in town,” Caleb says. “That’s where this one’s from.”

“It is?” She looks at me. “Are you teaching Caleb to be your delivery boy?”

Luis laughs, but Mrs. Trujillo looks confused.

“No,” Caleb says. He looks at me. “Not really. We…”

I stare right back. “Go on.” I would love to hear him explain what we are.

He smirks. “We’ve become good friends the past few days.”

Mrs. Trujillo raises both of her hands. “I understand. I ask too much questions. Caleb, will you bring some turrón to your mother and father for me?”

“Absolutely!” Caleb says. He looks at her like she offered him a glass of water in the middle of the desert. “Sierra, you have got to try this stuff.”

Mrs. Trujillo claps her hands. “Yes! You must take some for your family, too. I made so much. Luis and I are going to take some to the neighbors later.”

She orders Luis to bring her some napkins and then she hands us each a piece of what looks like peanut brittle but with almonds. I break off a piece and pop it in my mouth—so delicious! Caleb’s already devoured half of his piece.

Mrs. Trujillo beams. She puts a few more pieces into sandwich bags for us to take home. Walking to the front door, we both thank her again for the turrón . She hugs Caleb for a long time after he opens the door, expressing gratitude again for the tree.

Waiting for the elevator door to open, turrón baggies in hand, I ask, “So, Luis is a friend?”

“I was hoping it wouldn’t get awkward,” he says, nodding. The elevator door opens, we enter, and he presses the bottom button. “The food bank keeps a list of items where families can mark down things they need. I had them occasionally ask some families if they could use a tree, and that’s where I get the addresses. When I saw theirs pop up, I asked Luis if it was okay, but…”

“He didn’t seem that thrilled,” I say. “Do you think he was embarrassed?”

“He’ll get over it,” Caleb says. “He knew his mom wanted one. And I guarantee you, she is the nicest woman.”

The elevator door opens at the ground floor and Caleb motions for me to walk out first.

“She’s so grateful for everything,” Caleb says. “She doesn’t judge anyone. Someone like her deserves to get what she wants once in a while.”

Back in the truck, we drive to the highway and start heading to the lot.

“So why do you do this?” I ask, deciding the trees are a safe way to inch us into more personal areas.

He drives about half a block with no response. Finally, he says, “I guess you did tell me about your trees on the hill…”

“Fair is fair,” I tell him.

“Why I do it is similar to why I know Luis will get over it,” he says. “He knows it’s sincere. For a while after my parents divorced, we were in the same boat as the Trujillos. My mom barely made enough to buy us small gifts, let alone a tree.”

I add that to a small but growing list of things I know about Caleb. “How are things now?” I ask.

“They’re better. She’s the head of her department now, and we’re back to having trees. That first one I bought at the lot was for us.” He looks at me briefly and smiles. “She still won’t get excessive with decorating, but she knows the trees meant a lot to us growing up.”

I picture all those one-dollar bills from his first visit. “But you paid for the tree.”

“Not all of it.” He laughs. “I just made sure we got a bigger one.”

I want to ask about his sister. But the profile of his face as he looks through the windshield appears so calm. Heather’s right, whatever’s going on here doesn’t have to last past Christmas. If I enjoy being around him, why mess that up? Asking will only make him shut down again.

Or maybe, to be honest, I don’t want to know the answer.

“I’m glad we got to do this tonight,” I say. “Thank you.”

He grins and then puts on a signal to exit the highway.

Caleb told me he would stop by the lot again later in the week. When his truck finally pulls up, I stay in the Bigtop rather than walk out to greet him. I don’t need him to know how eagerly I’ve anticipated this. I kind of hope that’s why he didn’t come by the very next day; he was hiding the same anticipation.

When more than enough time goes by for him to find me, I peek outside. Andrew is saying something to him, stressing points by jabbing a finger toward the ground. Caleb’s eyes fix in a tense stare somewhere beyond Andrew, his hands pressed deep in his jacket pockets. When Andrew points a sharp finger at our trailer—where Dad is inside on the phone with Uncle Bruce—Caleb closes his eyes and his arms go slack. Andrew soon walks off into the trees and I half expect him to shove one out of his way.

I quickly retreat behind the counter. Several seconds later, Caleb comes into the Bigtop. He doesn’t know I saw the exchange with Andrew, and he acts like everything’s normal.

“I’m heading to work,” he says, and now I know he can fake that dimpled smile. “But I couldn’t drive by without saying hi.”

We’re not alone for more than a minute before Dad sets his work gloves on the counter and then twists off the lid of his thermos. He goes to refill his coffee. Without looking up, he asks, “You here to pick up another tree?”

“No, sir,” Caleb says. “Not right now. I just stopped by to say hi to Sierra.”

When the thermos is full, Dad turns toward Caleb. Holding the thermos steady, he slowly tightens the lid. “As long as you keep it short. She’s got a lot of work here to do, and then schoolwork.”

Dad pats Caleb on the shoulder as he walks past him and I want to die of humiliation. We talk for a couple more minutes in the Bigtop and then I walk Caleb to his truck. He opens the driver’s side door, but before he gets in he nods toward the parade poster I hung when I first met him.

“That’s tomorrow night,” he says. “I’ll be down there with some friends. You should show up.”

Show up? I want to tease him for not being brave enough to ask me to meet him there.

“I’ll think about it,” I say.

After he drives away I head back to the Bigtop, looking at the ground and smiling.

Before I get to the counter, Dad walks in front of me.

“Sierra…” He knows I don’t want to hear what he’s going to say next, but he has to say it anyway. “I’m sure he’s a nice kid, but please be wary about starting something now. You’re busy, and then we’re leaving and—”

“I’m not starting anything,” I say. “I made a friend, Dad. Stop being weird.”

He laughs and then sips his coffee. “Why can’t you go back to playing princess?”

“I never played princess.”

“Are you kidding?” he says. “Whenever Heather’s mom took the two of you to the parade, you wore your fanciest dress, pretending to be the Winter Queen.”